One of my Xmas gifts this year was a DVD box set of the “lost episodes” of the Carol Burnett Show. We just watched the first of the 18 episodes. I am awash with nostalgia.

That show, plus the Muppet Show, formed the very foundation of who I am. The warmth, wackiness, and wit of those shows became the basis of what I considered good television. Both shows had a way of making you feel like you were part of the family.

And that’s exactly the kind of show I want to make some day. The kind of show that can make people not just feel good, but feel better. That’s the power of television.

Especially, of course, if you’re raised by it.

It has been a sort of productive day. I paid my tuition for the coming semester from the money from the student loan for last semester. That was important to me, because I felt like I have to prove to Kwantlen that I am not some chronic deadbeat. The previous problems will not be repeated. I am on top of things now. They can trust me.

I also paid Tila back the $400 she loaned me. That felt good too. I don’t like owing money. I am always eager to settle up. I don’t like there to be strain on my relationships with people.

Which made it doubly frustrating when I couldn’t do a transfer to pay back Joe the $350 I owe him. I thought I could just do it as a bill payment to his account at Coast Capital. I mean, I bank at Vancity. It’s a credit union. So is Coast Capital. I thought it would be no problem.

But no, the moment I tried to transfer the money to Joe’s account, the bill paying system stopped working. I tried over and over and nope, no dice.

And that got the paranoia flowing, and I started to wonder if there is, in fact, a fierce and blood rivalry between Coast Capital and Vancity, and they deliberately sabotaged their systems to make it impossible for money to flow between them.

Of course, that’s crazy. And highly unlikely. But it’s how my mind works.

Feels good to be Getting Things Done. I still have a long ways to go. For one, I still have no idea if I an supposed to be applying for a second student loan right now or not. I also don’t know if I have messed with the system’s tiny dinosaur brain by paying next semester’s tuition without said student loan.

But the worse part is looking for scholarships that I can apply for. Kwantlen has a list on their website, and it’s quite thorough, but I can’t figure out how to find the stuff that might apply to me.

So all I can do is go through the entire list and read about dozens of scholarships for things like business administration and marketing and entrepreneurship and welding and even for being a goddamned ferrier^[1], but nothing for a sad lil artsy type like me.

There has to be a better way to find these things.

I tried to fill out the generic scholarship application form online, but it wanted information I don’t have yet, like how much money I expect to have coming in from scholarship.

If I knew that, I wouldn’t be bloody applying, would I?

I will try again, though. If they ask me for stuff I don’t know, I will just make a guess. I am just worried that the fact that I already paid for next semester will make me ineligible for all scholarships.

Because, you know, technically, I don’t actually need one any more. But goddamn it, I just want to do things right for once in my life, and part of that is trying to get scholarship money.

It’s a matter of principle. And cash. Mostly cash.

Plus I still have to buy my books for the next semester. Looks like they are going to run me around $300-$350 total. Ick. But I am fresh out of excuses not to buy them, so but them I shall.

But I will try to get them used, and thus at least partially resist the textbook mafia.

By my calculations, by the time I pay back Joe and pay for books, I will have maybe $50 left. That’s fine. I will spend that on school supplies and then I will be set.

And honestly, my main school supplies will be printer paper, printer ink, and fresh paper for my binders, the kind with reinforced holes.

Oh, and some really dark pencils. I used mostly pens last semester, but pens have a nasty habit of exploding in my pocket. I guess I am just a hot blooded dude. Ergo, I want to switch to pencils, but my eyes are not what they used to be so I need something that makes a good distinct dark mark.

There must be extra dark pencils out there somewhere.

Last night I had dinner with Joe’s family, which was pleasant and enjoyable as usual. And I am happy to say I did not have a single panic attack while I was there.

Normally I have one when I get there, and then a few over the space of the evening. I am just not used to socializing like that. But this year, I was able to remind myself that these are nice people and I always have a good time, and these peole like me and I like them, so what’s to worry about?

Admittedly, the three glasses of champagne probably helped a lot. Plus having stimulating intellectual conversation with Joe and his sister helped disperse my excess mental energy.

I’m a high strung, neurotic guy. I have to learn to accept that. And then work on finding things to absorb all that nervous mental energy so I can be calm and content.

Stay busy. That’s my motto for the new year.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.