In other words, my need to get my shit together.

Here I am, in my second favorite White Spot (Richmond Center), waiting for my prescriptions to be filled and for my food to arrive. And wondering about my life and how I live it.

Remembered, at the last minute, that my flash fiction assignment is due at 8 pm tonight. Panicked. Threw together something cute, complete with the twist ending that flash fiction seems to require. 103 words. Very flash.

But the thing is, I shouldn’t be doing a last minute slapdash job on important assignments. I am capable of so much more. I have all the skills necessary to be a far more together and organized person. I can totally design a system to keep myself on schedule with my schoolwork, and therefore makes my lufe far less stressful by making sure I do readings and homework at a time when I am racing against the clock.

I don’t have to be the sort of person who doesn’t act until it’s an emergency. I don’t like that sort of person and I don’t want to be one. So it is time for me to make a solid,  concentrated effort to get my poop in a group.

I have already figured out that i need to SCHEDULE my coursework, not just stick it in a note file I never look at.A

And it is going to mean regaining my lost self-discipline. I let myself fall apart over the holidays and it is time to put myself back together as someone. I can respect and admire.

After all, I am an extraordinary human being. It’s time I acted like one.

The cute young couple at the table next to mine totally  just did the “one shake two straws” thing. How Archies can you get?

The guy did most of the talking (natch) and babbled inanely the whole time. If I had been his date, I would have been rolling my eyes and checking my watch. But she seemed quite happy with him.

Then again, she is Japanese, so….ya never know.

Done eating. Time to get my drugs and go home.

(—)

Home now. Made my way home all slow and casual like. Shopper’s to 3 road and Cook. Sit on bus bench, relax, soak in the clear night air rinsed clean by rain. 3 and Cook to Buswell and Cook. Another bus bench, another rest. Then from Buswell and Cook to home.

I’m all by myself in the apartment. That’s normal for a Saturday night. Joe and Julian are off playing board games with Joe’s parents. So the apartment is empty, and very quiet.

Which is kinda lonely…. and kinda nice.

Like I have said before, growing up with two parents and three siblings all in the same house meant the house was rarely silent, except in the middle of the night. I never particularly minded the general homey hubbub. It just meant there were people around.

And for someone who developed a strong tendency to self-isolate, reminders that I was not as alone as I felt were rather comforting.

Had a nice meal at White Spot, as usual. Tried one of their latest creations : a mac and cheese hamburger. They added their version of mac n’ cheese to the menu last year, and now they are riffing on that ingredient, including,I kid you not, mac and cheese fritters.

I can feel my arteries clogging just at the thought of it. Um, no. That crosses the line for me.

It’s like this picture I saw recently of a bacon cheeseburger with Krispy Kreme donuts as buns. So very EWW. There is absolutely no reason to create such a monstrosity. Surely nobody with a functioning prefrontal cortex can think it would taste good. The only motive for creating such a nightmare is compulsive decadence backed by deep and heartfelt self-loathing.

It does seem odd to me that I have come to a point in my life when people are making things too unhealthy for me. It’s not like I have a long history of being a health nut or something.

The only healthy habit I have ever been able to maintain is drinking lots of water. And even that is mostly driven by the same oral fixation that made me a fat guy to begin with.

You know…. seeking reward through the mouth.

Water might not be the most exciting beverage in the world, but it’s the cheapest and easiest to get, and I can have as much of it as I want.

And just because it isn’t as rewarding as most beverages, that doesn’t mean it’s entirely unrewarding. It’s all about what you expect out of it.

Back to the point. The point is that I never thought I would be the one saying “That’s horrible! Why would anybody EAT that? Have these people no self-respect or at least a self-preservation urge?”

The judged becomes the judge, I guess.

I have installed my new monitor. It is kewl. A big big 22 inches, and flat. The increase in size doesn’t have a huge effect. The eye quickly adjusts.

But it’s a widescreen monitor (I was told video games will soon start requiring them), so I am now seeing the Internet through a rectangle instead of a square.

Which is slightly odd. I don’t quite know where to put my eyes sometimes. I am sure I will adjust soon. Until then, it’s slightly annoying, no more.

The real adjustment will be when my new computer arrives some time next week (between Wednesday and Friday). Right now, the picture is the bigger, but the resolution is the same because I was already at the maximum resolution my graphics card supports.

But when the new computer arrives, I will be able to double the resolution at least, and that should make for quite the visual impact, at least at first.

And my computer will be new and shiny and good instead of old and busted and lame.

Still, I have had this computer for so long that I knew it will be a sentimental goodbye when time comes.

Maybe I will be able to find it a new home.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.