I got into an argument with one of my profs. And that’s got to stop.

I still think I was right, of course. I was being criticized both for putting too much dialogue in my TV episode outline and not putting in enough description. Description? This is a plot summary, not freaking storyboarding. I will add relevant details when I write the damned thing, but the outline is suppose to be plot only.

And none of the other students were held to the same standards. I mean, I was being told that I was supposed to write in every hand gesture and bit of incidental action, like what characters are doing when they say their lines. Again, nobody else did that.

Plus they said my outline was all dialogue and no action, which is patently untrue. Granted, I don’t have any car chases or rocket explosions, but every scene has people doing lots of things, as well as saying things. So what the fuck?

And yeah, I said “they”, because of course the rest of the class backed up the prof. So there I was, in the position of arguing with a whole room full of people, again.

But whether I am right or wrong or something in between, it doesn’t matter, because I should not be pissing off the professors that I am counting on to use their connections to get me work when I graduate. Especially not her… she knows everyone in TV and has tons of friends on tons of shows.

So it is in my own best interest to try to keep my temper in check. Even if I am certain I am being wronged. The best thing I can do is just to smile and ignore the bad advice.

But it’s going to be a long old road to get to where I can do that. I am the sort of person who has a temper that can flare up very rapidly, but people who know me well can go years without ever seeing it. That’s because my friends are very reasonable people and rarely engage in wholesale departures from reason and accountability.

Now I definitely have some problems when it comes to my schooling. I went through a bad phase a couple of weeks ago when I was not keeping up all my work and worse, I was not holding up my end of the bargain when it came to the TV and move script classes. The deal is that the people presenting their work on a given class would post it two days before the class, and those who were not presenting would then read it and type up some comments and suggestions about it, and print said notes out and hand them in to both the teacher and the student.

Well I fucked that up, like, a LOT.

And that might well cost me a lot of marks. Hopefully not enough to cause me to drop below a 65 percent average, and hence flunk out. But it’s a possibility.

So I have done things to make my profs genuinely upset with me. And maybe they are taking it out on me, without realizing it, via criticism. Well if they are, they need much better arguments. I am quite happy to take constructive criticism, and up until recently I have taken in all suggestions and implemented most of them, with nary a complaint.

I’ve been a lamb about the whole thing, to be honest.

So it’s not like I can’t take criticism. I totally can. In fact, to be honest, I revel in it, because to me, it sounds like excellence. Getting good, well thought out criticism let me make my thing better, and that’s a wonderful thing. Like I have said before, it means I am not limited to only my broad-but-still-finite perspective, and that goes a long way towards easing my usual paranoia.

But it has to be well grounded criticism. If you come at me with criticisms that don’t make sense, aren’t valid, or are just plain crazy, I am going to argue my case, and for better or for worse, I am extremely good at that.

And as my sister Anne can attest, I don’t ever back down when I think I am right, and I have a LOT of stamina.

So I can be my own worst enemy. I am going to have to learn (slowly and painfully) that any worshopping type class I go to has the potential to set me off, and I will have to be ready for it. I am sure that if I had simply kept my cool today, the situation would not have escalated at all. I could have just said “uh huh, interesting”, written down this bullshit about detail levels, and then ignored it for the rest of my life.

But because I was not ready, I flew off the handle, and maybe alienated a lot of people.

I will have to be on my best behaviour next term. I need these people to like me, maybe even love me. That’s how I will get jobs in the future. Someone I know from my VFS class will be looking for someone to write with or to hire, and I want them to think “I know! That Michael guy from school seems pretty smart! I’ll call him!”

Not “Whatever we do, we can’t hire that hotheaded asshole Michael. He’s too ‘difficult'”.

I may not be able to do a lot about my lack of social integration right now. There’s still too much wrong with me for me to learn to make friends and hang with the kids and all. That social damage is a bitch and I am not going to fix it overnight. It’s better if I am realistic about that.

But I can at least control how I act in class. I can do my best to seem like exactly the sort of guy you want around when you need help.

And I can be that guy.

I just need to learn to not get so combative when I am defending my territory.

Oh well, I am sure I am not the first moody prick to go to VFS!

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.