Let’s get real here for a minute, okay?

I know, for an fact, that North Korea is never, ever, ever going to fire a nuke at the USA. Ignore the media hype. Refuses join in the scare-yourself game. Detach entirely from what “everyone” thinks.

And most of all, stop worrying about. It’s waste of time. Worse, it turns you into a puppet of unworthy people desperate to draw attention away from their own massive incompetence and massive corruption for even a second so they can all scuttle away into the crooks and crannies of the public consciousness like the goddamned cockroaches they are.

Right now, Kim Jung Un is playing a game with President Trump^[1]. Let’s call it the Let’s Play War game, or maybe Saber Rattling For Dummies. It’s a simple game. All you do is pretend to be really mad at the other player while knowing the other player is just playing a game and doesn’t mean the crazy shit they say either.

That way, you can convince your people that you are really gonna GET the other player without the slightest risk of consequences to yourself. And it’s such a rewarding game. It makes the hawks in your government because it feeds their desperate need to feel powerful and manly without risk of personal harm, and all at the public’s expense. It forces the international media to pay attention to you and increase your prestige by playing up what a threat you are (In other words, how powerful and awesome you are) and how you could destroy EVERYTHING if you wanted to. And best of all, it gives all the conservatives in your country the thing they want more than absolutely anything else in the universe : an excuse to stop thinking.

Conservatives loves that shit. Can’t think, we’re at war/in crisis/ scared of our own shadows. No doubts – doubt is disloyalty, and we’re at war, you traitor! How dare your question what our leaders are doing…. we’re at war!

Because remember, conservatives hate and fear uncertainty more than anything else. Doubt threatens to put them into a position where they might have to think for themselves, and they are totally not down with that.

Consequently, they ferociously attack any source of doubt. Absolutely anyone who causes them to doubt any of their beliefs for even one second is automatically assumed to be evil because it is the source of the brain pain and terror of doubt.

Every time they shout down a liberal – even the imaginary ones in their heads – they feel a great relief at having “won” against evil people deliberately trying to hurt them.

But that’s not why you are reading this. You want to know how I can be so sure that North Korea is not a threat. It’s simple : they are not a threat because Un, not being a total idiot (unlike some people),  knows that if he launched anything towards anyone,  his entire country, with him in it, would be wiped off the map.

Think about it. What would happen if Un did press the button and send a nuke heading straight towards Washington? What then?

1. A couple dozen satellites instantly alert the world.
2. That gives the USA the entire time it takes the thing to cross the entire PACIFIC OCEAN to respond.
3. Before that, China, Japan, and everyone else in between the ICBM  and the Asian Pacific Rim get a crack at being the ones to bring it down and be heroes.
4. If it made it past them, it would then have to make it past all the air craft carriers the USA has in the Pacific, which are armed with things like sea to air missiles, massive guns which can shoot shells the size of compact cars 500 miles, oh, and the world’s best fighter planes which could send someone up to fucking beat ont he thing with a hammer if they wanted to.
5. If it somehow made it past all that, it would then have to cross nearly the entire continental USA with all of its anti-missile defenses, including even more jet fighters, tanks that can fire a shell into the next county with pinpoint precision, drones, ground to air missiles, and hell, a ton of heavily armed rednecks trying to shoot the motherfucking thing down so they can mount it on their wall.
6. But if it made it past all THAT, and actually landed in Washington, there’s a good chance it would not even go off because the thing is made so cheaply and poorly that the complex timing and sensing mechanisms of an actual ICBM have been replaced by a cuckoo clock and some popsicle sticks, and the bird died.
7. The worst case scenario – for Un – would be if it made it there and DID go off. Because then the entire world would declare war on North Korea and invade the fuck out of it. That’s also what was going to happen for even firing the thing, by the way, But a successful nuclear strike would take it from the bravado of “this kind of thing can’t be tolerated! We should invade some time soon and teach Un a lesson” to the white-faced grim determination to invade with everything immediately and kill the bastards who just killed millions of people in DC.

Don’t believe me? Look at how the world freaked out at 9/11. And that was only three thousand people. DC proper has 670,000 people. So it would be 9/11 times more than 2000, raised to the power of nuclear fallout.

So no. We are not on the brink of annihilation. North Korea is. But that’s only if Un is stupider and crazier than Donald Trump.

It’s all theater, folks. A show to keep you scared and distracted. The USA and North Korea aren’t enemies. They are Frenemies With Benefits.

Damn. That’s what I should have called the games.

So relax, feel safe, and know that you have my full permission to treat the entire issue as the fiction it is and ignore it.

Spend you time thinking of ways to get rid of Trump instead.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.