Fun fact : when I can’t think of a title or subject for a blog post, I just use the title of whatever song is stuck in my head at the moment.

I seem to be more musically sensitive lately. This is a known phenomenon. I am always super into music, but there are times when the wall between it and my mind are unusually thin and it becomes very easy for music to really engage me and there’s always one song or another playing on the Walkman in my head.

I’ve stopped wondering what triggers them. Everything. Nothing. The random motion of the chemicals in my head. Something about processing memory. Whatever.

This time around., I find myself wondering if this is what life is like for people of a less phlegmatic and stolid nature than I. I can just barely wrap my head around what it must be like to be someone whose emotions drive their actions and for whom there is no safe part in the sea of emotions…. nor does there need to be one.

What would be panic inducing chaos to me might be everyday life for others.

Today’s been quiet. Not quite as sleepy as yesterday, which is a relief. I am beginning to feel more alive again. I feel like I am digging my way out of whatever avalanche of madness and illness had me snowed under since last Friday night.

Frozen water imagery!

Like I keep saying, I know I will come out ahead on the whole deal. I will have processed a whole bunch more of the emotional backlog that powers depression. All that snow and ice that Friday night shook loose will melt and another portion of my heart, and my soul, will be free to feel the sun, and come to life.

And more of my systems will be activated and integrated, and I will become a more whole human being as the numbness that makes me feel like I am not a real person wears off, and the reconstruction of Michael Bertrand will continue.

It will continue at roughly the same speed at which medieval artisans built cathedrals, but it will continue nonetheless.

I have seen the animation that resulted from my first script. It is, sadly, still done in GoAnimate. The new “animator” is no better than the previous one in that regard. But he does seem to use it in a more sophisticated way than the other fella.

Still. It’s a tool meant to let non-animators make animations for board meetings. It’s not meant for anything like real animation. Creatively speaking, it’s limiting.

The big problem, though, is that we still do not have a voice actor. It’s still the stupid computer voice. And that just isn’t going to work. I would be ashamed to be associated with something of that level of crappiness.

I try to remind myself that I am just the writer in this arrangement, and that I am therefore not responsible for the quality of the project. All I am responsible for is the script. I write good scripts. It’s not my fault of they are not executed right.

But I am not that kind of artist. What I write is like a part of me, and I want the final product to reflect my genius. I don’t want to be associated with something aggressively terrible.

So I am going to have to push (politely) for an addition to the team. I wish I could do the voiceover myself, but I can’t handle both writing and performing it right now.

I can’t exactly explain the nature of the conflict that would set up in my head, but trust me, it’s a thing with me.

Other than the voice work thing, the animation is decent. A few bugs to work out. I won’t link to it here because it has not yet been released.

And, to be honest, I am too ashamed.

Oh well, work’s work. I will keep writing the scripts no matter what, making $10 each, and chalking up more Upwork time, and what the hell, making $50/week too.

And that’s in American buckerinos too. So more like 65/week at current rates.

Is it unpatriotic of me to hope the Loonie plunges in value even further?

I am going to have to get my roomie Julian to walk me through declaring earned income when you are on full disability. I can make something like $1000/month without it being deducted from my cheque.

Actually, I just looked it up, and it seems like it’s an annual limit of $9600 now. That’s groovy. It works out to $800/month, but because it’s an annual limit, it can be applied flexibly. Which is good news for us freelancers of whatever strike.

I wonder if you can be a freelance messiah. Have miracles, will travel.

I’m about 1/3 into today’s script. It’s not due until 9 am tomorrow morning (time zones) but I still feel bad that I am not finished yet.

I have been trying to build a daily routine around the new realities of my existence. I can do anything – even write a million words – as long as I build it into my daily routine.

This afternoon, I experimented with doing the day’s script in thirds. So I wrote the first third, then played Skyrim until supper time.

It felt wrong. It still feels wrong. So I am not going to be doing that again. Tonight, once I am done blogging and take a brief rest, I will finish the dang thing.

The problem is that my afternoons have become very unproductive because the heat scrambles my brains and I can’t get things done. It would be nice if I could write the script in the afternoon then blog after supper and have the evening free for whatever.

I have another job pending. Someone who needs little pieces between 100 and 500 words written at a penny a word.

You literally could not pay a writer less on a per-world basis. But it will be good experience and what the hell, some extra coin too.

In conclusion, it’s beginning to look like I have a life now.

So far, so good!

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.