I have successfully earned income. And I want to tell you all about it.
But first, I have to share this.
I ordered some food from Pizza Hut tonight. I played Skyrim while awaiting its arrival. The phone rings, and it’s the delivery guy.
But it’s the wrong ring. It’s the normal ring, not the special intermittent ring that tells me someone is at the door down on the ground floor and lets me dial 6 to let them in.
So I pick up the phone and tell him he has to call back on the building phone. He asks me the number. I tell him 601, even though I am positive it was there on the receipt.
Eight minutes go by. I have no idea WTF he was doing when he should have been immediately dialing on the right phone, but it takes him eight minutes to do it.
I let him in, get up, grab my wallet, take out $25, and go wait by the door.
And I wait. And I wait. And then, more waiting.
And to make things worse, I really need to pee.
That’s when inspiration struck me. I would pee in Joe and Julian’s bathroom, which is right next to the front door. And one of two things would happen : a) I would get to relieve myself, or b) the delivery dude would knock on the door, interrupting me, but ending with me having my frigging food.
But I knew it would be option b. And I was right. With an astounding level of precision that would be too perfect to be plausible if this was a movie or a TV show.
(WARNING : Explicit language about male urination ahead)
I swear to God, it was the half-second before actual release when he knocked on the door. I think there was urine in the pipes between the bladder and the penis. 0.5 seconds later and I would have been actively urinating.
So I did it. I forced the universe to give me what I wanted. I actually said to myself, “I know, I will go pee and that will make him arrive. ”
And it did. Flawlessly.
And I am way too proud of myself for that.
Okay, where was I? Oh yeah. I got paid!
I currently have a little under USD $70 sitting in my PayPal account, ready to be spent online. I got paid for that crazy ass job from a couple of weeks ago, and I transferred the money from my Upwork account to my Paypal account.
I would rather have the money go directly to my bank account, but that turned out to be a freaking nightmare, so Paypal will have to do for now.
In fact, ideally,. the money would go directly onto my reloadable VISA card. That would be the most easily spendable form it could take besides having it go into my bank account and then going to the bank and withdrawing the money as cash.
I feel like at some point, I will do that, because on some level the money I am earning on Upwork won’t seem really REALLY real until it is in cash in my pocket form.
But for now, I am happy just having it sitting there, ready to be used to buy stuff online.
The problem is. I don’t know what to buy!
I have spent so long in tightly restrained circumstances where there was little room for discretionary spending that I have no idea what I really want any more. I face the same problem when my birthday or Xmas roll around. It’s such a potent form of option paralysis, and I am a guy who knows his option paralysis.
There are so many ways I could have phrased that.
I keep trying to think of what would aid my current freelance writer lifestyle, but I always draw a blank. It’s not the sort of career your can accessorize easily.
I suppose I could buy myself a fancy slick oversized keyboard for my computer. I obviously do fine with a normal sized keyboard but it would make typing easier and I would make fewer typos if I had a keyboard sized for my big ol’ hands.
If I get together enough cash, I might start looking into footwear as well. I still dream of shoes that actually provide both arch support and full protection from the ravages of the road and that can bear my ginormous weight without being crushed.
But that means orthopedic shoes, and my doctor is not sure whether those would be covered by my government medical plan, so I might have to earn them.
Whatever it takes. The right shoes could radically alter my life because I am a lot more likely to walk for exercise if walking is not intensely painful. In fact, I might be so euphoric over being able to walk without pain that I would go walking all the time, just for fun.
It could happen.
What else. Well, sugar free stuff is always good. I eat FAR too much sugary shit. I went years avouding it almost completely, but at some point, my self-control just plain melted. It would be way easier to resist if I knew I had tasty sweet stuff at home.
So maybe I will order the Splenda and flour I need online. Seems silly to order it online when I could get it at the supermarket, but it would bypass my laziness and indecision by making it ridiculously easy.
So I will probably do it. Eventually.
The important thing is that I now feel like I have worth. It’s funny how money can do that for a person,. I am being paid for my work, and that means I have marketable skills, and THAT means I am worth something at long last.
This is the first baby step towards self-sufficiency, and from here, I will build up my career as a freelancer until I don’t need the government or anyone else’s help any more.
Then I won’t be worthless any more.
Then I won’t be useless any more.
Then I won’t be a burden any more.
Then I won’t feel like people are unlucky to know me any more.
And I will finally be….. a real person. A legitimate adult, even.
And that is going to be the best feeling ever.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.