e title isn’t warning enough, ladies, then listen to this :

This blog entry will delve deeply into my gender issues and society’s. I will be walking on some very touchy ground and there’s a real risk that I will trample on some very delicate sensibilities in the process.

Just know that I am only seeking the truth as I see it, and that any opinion I have that pisses you off is only that… an opinion.

In particular, I will be delving into the minefield that is the relationship between women and gay men. We seem like allies but there’s a lot of anger and resentment going unaddressed and thus unresolved.

So brace yourself… we’re going deep.

Now that the self-aggrandizing and probably unnecessary caveats are over, we can dig into the issue.

It starts, as everything in my life does lately, with Skyrim.

As patient readers know, I have been using Skyrim and its adult oriented modding community to make my little version of Skyrim into a sort of sexual playground wherein I can, through my character, have all kinds of fun.

Seriously. If you’re into it, it’s out there. Even that. Hell, even THAT, and that’s not even legal. But it’s virtual reality,. baby….

You can do whatever (and whomever) you like.

As I have sexplored ^[1], I have found that I am not as homosexual as I thought I was. ^[2]. I am actually a lot closer to bisexual than I would have thought before I had this rather marvelously horny and fun world to use as my sexual canvas.

I find myself quite capable of being attracted to the female virtual people, and often liase with them. It still doesn’t have the power and raw energy of my gay side, but I have been surprised and pleased at how it is coming along.

No pun intended.

In retrospect, it makes sense. ^[3] I have never been repulsed by women, certain odor issues aside. I am not the sort of fag to recoil at the mere mention of women. I do not live in fear of the sight of a vagina. I have always thought tits and pussy were very nice. Vaginas in particular I find have a real charm to them.

Some of them are even downright cute. Your mileage may vary, of course.

To me, those gynopphobic attitudes in some gay men have always seemed highly immature to me. It’s just the “girls are gross” attitude of the homosocial phase of social development carried on far, far pasts its due date.

There’s a big difference between not wanting to fuck them and hating them, boys, and only the first one is justifiable.

Sadly, though, this happy thought of increasing bisexuality ^[4] came with a deadly tag because I found myself thinking “Well, if I am attracted to their bodies and pussies and such in virtual reality but not in true reality, clearly the problem is with women themselves and not their plumbing and such. ”

Not a happy thought for a staunch feminist liberal type fag like me at all. I’ve never though of myself as being part of the deep reservoir of anti-woman hate that lies beneath the surface of the collective consciousness of gay men. ^[4]

But clearly I am not innocent in this issue. I have to ask myself why I have, in a sexual and romantic sense, always completely ignored women.

Why would I, or any other gay man, have that attitude?

And the brutal truth is that it’s because we have a choice.

Straight dudes do not. No matter how much they might hate women, they still have to deal with them for love and sex. They are born needing it. Women have it. And it can seem to some like they are determined to make men suffer as much as possible in order for them to get it.

Gay men, as currently defined, don’t have to put up with that shit at all. We have another entire gender (our own) to get our sex from, and I think that leads a lot of gay guys to just go with what’s easier.

Add in the social stigma homosexuality in men has carried for a long time, and you create the need to form one’s identity around one’s sexual orientation and the (subconscious) decision becomes even easier.

Basically. a gay man lives in a world in which it is only ever up to men, not women, to control when sex happens.

Straight guys would love that. It would make life so much easier for them.

So I have to wonder if I ever was truly homosexual, and indeed, to wonder if homosexuality as we define it today even exists.

Perhaps we fags are not born gay so much as we are born with various factors making male male attraction an option – like, say, a weakening of same-sex aversion responses coupled with various sociological factors that cause us to view women as not an option and so we go for the next most stimulating thing – our fellow men.

That would jibe with my thinking concerning homosexuality being as much of a social construct as heterosexuality and bisexuality being our natural state.

A natural state I am pleased to find myself moving towards. I have long considered bisexuality to be a spiritually superior state of being to any form of monosexuality.

But if there is one thing you take away from reading this, let it be this :

There’s no such thing as gay or straight.

There’s just people who have the option of not having to deal with the opposite gender for sex and love, and those who, for whatever reason, do not.

I truly believe that if society did not force us to choose, most people would be at least somewhat bisexual in orientation.

Because baby… we’re just born that way!

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.