I’m a complicated man, and no one understand me….period.

Part of me has always wanted to be a kind of secular Messiah. To be the person whose wisdom and kindness and overwhelming good will inspires people and leads them to a new understanding of the world and how they, as human being fit in it.

This new understanding would sweep away hate and distrust and discrimination and usher in a new level of civilization which will make our current level of civilization look to these new citizens to be just as bad as the Aztecs with their human sacrifices or Nazi era Germany during the Holocaust.

I would do this via my message of tolerance and understanding for all that I would put in language anyone can understand and connect with and that in turn connects with the better version of themselves lying dormant in every, and tells it that it is safe to come out now. You don’t have to be scared any more.

Escape from your torments is possible! You have only to look up… and receive!

And so forth and so on. I could probably fill a book with that sort of thing if I just let that inner Jesus rock the microphone for long enough.

And I really wish I could do that. Just surrender to that side of me and live my life according to the highest of ideals.

But the thing is, I would still be a human being with lust and hunger and a thirst for power and all those other “unworthy” emotions.

And another part of me wants to surrender to THOSE emotions. To unleash my angry id and pour my rage into the world like molten fucking lava. To take the attitude that I am finally going to get what I want and fuck anything or anyone who gets in the way because I’m coming through with a white-hot sledgehammer and breaking down barriers like a runway steamroller.

That’s the part of me that dreams of unleashing my full fury on a world full of assholes with too much power and too little brain and even less conscience and beating these motherfuckers to death with my awesome powers of satire and mockery and sheer verbal violence on an apocalyptic scale.

To be a firebrand hotter than the center of the Sun, and lay waste to all the stumbling fools, limp and compromised liberals, crazy/evil/stupid conservatives. and everyone else in the way of true progress as a species for reasons petty, stupid,. selfish, cowardly, and just plain awful throughout the world.

When it comes to words, my powers are vast – vaster than I can even comprehend – and unleashing them full force to vaporize all the impediments to progress I can find would be an excellent use of them.

But the thing is, using that kind of heavy duty magic is bound to get to feel so good that I don’t notice how much of it is spilling into my normal life and hurting those around me when I react to them with the same intensity.

And that’s not acceptable.

So both Secular Jesus and Satirical Satan have their problems.

And another part of me just wants to be nice all the time.

To live in a world of harmonious and happy emotions with no harsh vibes and no nastiness, just peace love and harmony and real human affection.

A world where I can make people happy every waking hour of the day, just by being my warm, cheerful, kind, loving, lovable, adorable, silly self

A life devoted to spreading sunshine and making the world a happier, healthier, saner, stronger, better place.

A world full of positive vibes of love and affection and acceptance and harmony, with all the harmful barriers gone and people achieving true intimacy with one another.

A world where old emotional scars fall away like shed skin cells and let the true you, the person under all the pain, come out into the light and the sun and the warm glow of being truly valued and accepted at last.

A world I would create. first for a small group, then as we learned more about what works we would expand the group, and keep on expanding it until every human being on planet Earth would be happy in the new harmony.

So kind of like Secular Jesus, but more down to earth and homey. You don’t have to believe in God or Krishna or anything else.

All you have to do is open your heart to the love that’s all around you.

The rest will take care of itself.

Then again, yet another part of me wants to be a brilliant entertainer and universally acknowledged amazing dude whose reputation is so golden that big money is competing to produce my next product before I’ve even finished half of it. To have shows fighting hard to have me as a guest because not only am I a beloved media star but I also give good interview because I am consistently fresh, interesting, .entertaining, witty, and a whole lot of fun to have around.

The kind of guy who makes people’s faces light up when they hear his name.

Someone making insane quantities of money, most of which is plowed into his ever expanding media empire. An empire with a flawless reputation for producing high quality entertainment that has something for everyone and so everyone can enjoy it, from the loftiest intellectuals to the lowliest of lowbrows.

So basically, I want to be like my hero Walt Disney if he had started out as a brilliant writer and performer. So basically Walt Disney if he had started out as Mike Myers.

And without, of course, the Love Guru.

And that’s just four of my facets. I never even touched on the parts of me that want to be the Astonishing Intellectual, the Firebrand Politician,  the Eminence Grise, the Happy Clown, the Coldblooded Assassin, or even the Deranged Lunatic.

I contain these multitudes and dozens more. But as always, I must remind myself :

These are but facets of my personality.

And I am not the facets.

I am the jewel.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.