WARNING :  Tonight’s entry is going to contain explicit talk about my new sex toy and where it goes, so if that’s way more thabn you want to know, feel free to skip it. 

So my Xmas gift to myself this year is a sleek newfangled type anal vibrator.

It’s this odd little critter here.

Check out that “product name”.

Vibrating Prostate Massager- Waterproof G-Spot Vibrator With Remote Control Anal Plug – 30 Stimulation Modes Improve Urinary and Sexual Performance USB Rechargeable Medical Silicone Vibrators for Men

I miss those long lost days when things on Amazon had names meant to be read instead of an SEO word salad meant to include every single possible relevant keyword and thus make that product the top search.

Anyhow. As you can see, it isn’t shaped like a penis, or at least not one from Earth. That made me a little reluctant to buy it at first. To be honest, it looks more like a power tool or ray gun from a science fiction movie than anything else.

I suppose that would turn some people on.

But I decided to get it anyway. And despite the season, it took only a couple of days to arrive. Yesterday, I unboxed it.

Only to make a sad face when I realized its remote control was missing.

Yes, that’s right. Remote control. Today, even the butt toys are wireless. And the problem with it being missing is that you can’t start the show. so to speak, withouit it.

All you can do is turn the unit on or off, sans those good, good, good, good vibrations.

SO I went to Amazon.ca to look up the order and hence (so I thought) be able to contact the vendor directly. Mope! All my other orders have a “contact the seller” button. but not this one.

So I left a bad review and a 1 star rating. That should get their attention,. I thought

Luckily, I found the remote today, and so I was able to give my new toy a “test drive”. I forgot to order lube to go with it but I have, shall we say, plenty of room in back for cargo, so I don’t really need it.

SO I laid down,. turned it on, and inserted it.

That was quite lovely. That weird looking design really works. I was able to bury it to the hilt, with that egg shaped tip spreading me in marvelous ways, with barely any fuss and certainly no pain.

I was having a good time already and I hadn’t even turned the vibrations on yet.

Once I did, things got, of course, even better. And boy, is this thing versatile. It has ten vibration patterns, each with three possible intensity settings, meaning it technically has thirty modes of operation.

However, I am a big boy and there’s a lot of my tender area to vibrate, so “low” and “medium” settings just aren’t going to cut it for me.

Which leads to my first critique. Even on the highest setting, I wish the vibrations were stronger. No doubt they are plenty strong for people of average size, both in the chassis and in the trunk, so it’s not really a product fault.

I just happen to be built like an ox, and therefore would probably require something with jackhammer strength to get the same effect.

That quibble aside, the vibrations were nevertheless quite pleasant and playing with the different patterns was great fun. They range from the standard (constant on) to the slightly more complex (on, off, on, off), to rather complex syncopated jungle beats (on, on, on. ON!)that are really quite fascinating.

It really should have a “shuffle” mode so you have no idea what the heck is coming next. The suspense alone could be highly erotic.

The only other problem I had was that my build makes any such product tricky to use. It always involves awkward angles and a certain amount of strain on my arms and wrists. That tends to subtrqact from the pleasure of it all.

This goes quadruple when I try to masturbate at the same time.

Still, I had a lot of fun and, while ejaculation did not occur, I definitely feel very “awakened” by the experience and look forward to further exploration and discovery of this toy and butthole pleasure in general.

Ideally, I will find something that really “does it” for me, and thus improve my sex life. And my regular life too, because I am increasingly sure that a lot of my anxiety and tension comes not from deep seated psychological traumae from my past but unexpressed horniness in the present.

As sex-positive as I am, I tend to completely ighnore my own sexual needs most of the time. I tune them out just like I tubne out al the rest of my desires.

Or at least the ones that can’t be fulfilled via playing video games and eating.

But now that my late adolescence has kicked in and my libido is rising, that is no longer viable. Maybe it never was. I don’t know.

What I do klnow is that I want to embrace this awakening sexualuity as fully as I can because it’s a powerful energy source for the fight against my inner freezing and I need all the life-affirming, happy inputs I can get.

I’ve talked on and on about trying to integrate my id and use it as a source of energy for renewel, joy, and just plaihn getting out of my own head and experiencing that life in the sunshine that I have been seeking over all these years.

The release of physical tension could be a huge boon too. Might do more for my mood than any antidepressant. It certainly could cut way back on my background tension levels and thus give me more distance between myself and anxiety.

And, of course, it would feel reallty good. And that;s a big deal. Pleasure tells us we are good dogs, and that’s vital for self-esteem.

So all in all, sticking fun stuff up my butt is a really good thing.

Of course, what would really do the trick is having a man fuck me up the ass.

But ya know…. baby steps.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.