My brain feels like ground beef that has been turned over a few times in the frying pan so that it is brown on the outside – browned – but not fully cooked.

I have spent the day wrangling with a very tough and very long Skyrim quest I downloaded, and while it was quite good in terms of art direction, special effects, voice acting,  script, and other important artistic arenas, two of the dungeons were insanely and absurdly long and left me with the feeling of being rather put upon by the thing.

It’s almost like they know that once I start something like a quest and found I like it, I will be mercilessly driven to complete it by my inner compulsions and so from that point on, I am their bitch.

And the more they throw at me, the harder I will work, because on some level. I take it as a challenge to my determination and I refuse to lose that kind of challenge.

I can lose all kind of contests and be no more disappointed than the next guy.

But I do not lose contests of will. Period.  To the point where it is quite clearly insane. I can easily imagine being in a scenario where the only sane, logical, and sensible thing to do would be to give up and let my opponent win, and I would ignore all that and keep hanging on no matter what.

And all the while the crazy part of my brain would be shouting things in a Patrick Warburton voice voice. Thing like ‘MY WILL IS ABSOLUTE’ and “I WILL NOT BE DENIED” and “ARGBARGLE TIN SNIP MAKE OTTER POPS ELECTRIC!”

Told you it waxs crazy.

So yeah. Kinda psycho in that department. The good side of it is that it gices me the potential for extraordinary determination in getting things done. If it’s a task I understand and know how to do and the only missing ingredient is effort, I am your guy. I enjoy taking on large amounts of work and conquering them through will and determination.

To me, that’s fun.

Of course, the odds are pretty good that, somewhere along the line, I will find the most efficient way for me to do said task. That’s just part of who I am. I optimize. I improve efficiency. I zero in on wasted effort or wasted resources and redesign them out of the system with a vengeance.

I think that is part of the phenomenon I call my “alacrity”. It’s my ability to do some tasks faster – sometimes WAY faster – than most people.

Actually, all three of the things I have already mentioned – crazy levels of determination, a love of the challenge of a large task, and my need to optimize – probably all contribute to the phenomenon.

Plus another thing – my ability to deep focus on a task. When I am doing something repetitive that has a bit of process to it – addressing and stamping a stack of envelopes, say – I get into the zone.

It’s like all that unfocused energy of mine is now harnessed into the task and drives me forward like I am steam powered and the process does not disengage until I am done.

I suppose that means that I could burn myself out with overwork in the right situation. I tend to associate burnout with type-A personality types who wear themselves out with all the energy and ambition and end up with ulcers and heart attacks.

But I could easily end up in the same boat purely from love of the work I am doing or at least from the joy I get from conquering large tasks.

I’ve had this scenario in my mind for a long time where I am the new guy at the office and happily volunteer to take on all the dirty gruntwork that people hate having to do.

And to others, it might seem like I am making a doormat of myself, but in reality it is all a product of my Machiavellian genius. To wit :

1. It would be a way to instantly make people happy I am around and make a good impression on all my co-workers and my boss.
2. By taking on these tasks, I learn a lot about the business from the bottom up.
3. Most importantly, by reliving people of these tasks, I make them dependent on me In fact, I make myself indispensible and increase my work value in the eyes of my immediate boss.
4. Oh, and I prove I am not just a team player, I am the best team player in the whole office and, by example, make the others look lazy and slow.

All while they pat me on the back and tell me how happy they are to have me around.

Of course, I would have to avoid becoming an actual doormat to people, so now and then I would have to subtly remind people of the Time Before when they had to do all their own grunt work.

And they will never, ever want to go back to that. Why? Because the tasks they delegated to me will be low status tasks and therefore going back to doing them will be percieved as a loss of status.

And people will do damned near anything to prevent a loss of status.

I should be on one of those reality shows. I would totally be the nice guy who turns out to be a total mastermind who has been pulling the strings all along.

It would be like being a supervillain but with lower overhead costs.

If executed properly, my little plan could arrange things so neatly around my own needs that all I would have to do is look a little sad or get sick for one day and suddenly everyone would be showering me with attention and good vibes.

The problem comes when you try to get promoted, I suppose.

Nobody will want you to leave!

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.