Welp, it is 10:39 pm, which means that I have 1 hour and 21 minutes to write this blog entry and still have it technically be one I wrote today.

So it’s time to throw the fllodgates wide open and get that streamn of consciousness flowing. Full steam ahead!

Today was an unusually active day for me. First I had therapy, which I had to get to via cab due to Joe’s eye issues. Costs me $15 each way, but what the hell, what is money for if not to make your life easier?

Therapy went quite well. I talked about a lot of deep painful shoit. I have come to recognize the icy cold feeling I get when I get into my deep stuff – like I am wearing armor made of ice on the inside, and especially around my heart – as not just being a good thing in general but specfifically the feeling of the ice inside me melting.

So I am willing to seek it out now. I want as much of it as I can get. Because while it feels terrible at the time and I general still feel terrible immediately after, once I recover I will feel better than ever for having calved another iceberg from my glacier of pain.

And if enough of that happens, my internal ice age may finally end.

After therapy, I took a cab to my bank so I could cash this month’s check. The teller was either new or just not very confident/competent because there was some small amount of excess hassle involved.

But whatever. Everyone has their off days.

I also found out at that time that a student loan payment had been deducted from my account. Oops. In retrospect, I think I was supposed to tell them I am still on social assistance and therefore still can’t afford such a payment.

Yes, you read that right. Somehow the onus was on me to tell them I am still disabled, as opposed to them just assuming that I still was until they heard otherwise.

So technically, my card and my savings account got cleaned out plus I had to pay a 44 dollar overdraft today. Yikes.

But I know I will be able to get my moolah back. This happened once before. I just have to call them up again and tell them I am still on social assistance and they will refund my money without a hassle.

Stiil, it’s stress that I do not need.

After I cashed my cheque, I went to the nearby White Spot for lunch. I had skipped lunch except for a tiny snack because I knew I was going to do that, and that would have been a perfectly sane decisions were I not diabetic.

As is, by the time I sat down to eat, I was already feeling lightheaded and I was beginning to shake, which is my number one sign that my blood sugar is now dangerously low and I had better eat SOON.

Lunch fixed that. But not ritght away. In retrospect, I would have been better off if I had bought something small and sugary to eat and thus kick off the more complex carbs in my fries and my Caesar chicken wrap.

Kind of like carbo kloading for longer workouts.

But whatever. I had a pleasant lunch despite being alone and having nothing to read. I seem to be slowly developing the ability to simply zone out and be perfectly happy in my thoughts sans stimulation lately.

So I ate, and thought, and watched the world go by from my favorite seat in my favorite White Spot. and was content to simply Be.

One dark cloud over my picnic : they don’t have the comfy high-backed squishy chairs at that White Spot any more. Dammit. That was a large part of what made it my fave. I have strong feelings about comfortable seating and I feel betrayed.

Everything gets worse.

Otherwise, though, I had a good time, and it was a lovely summer day, so I decided to walk home instead of bothering with the bus.

Don’t think me too heroic, though. Home was only like five or six blocks away.

And it was a pleasant walk. It was hot but not miserably so. I soaked up some sunshine and fresh air and felt pretty good when I got home, apart from slightly sore feet and being fairly dehydrated.

Now normally on Thursdays, I blog when I get home from therapy. After all, all the stuff stirred up by therapy is still fairly fresh on my head and that makes it a good time to get some decent quality therapeutic writing done.

Kind of a “working the metal while it’s still hot” thing.

But not today,. It was too goddamned hot. The heat that had not bothered me outside was quite oppressive once I was inside and no longer feeling the summer breeze. It was too hot and I couldn’t think straight and couldn’t concentrate so I said to hell with it and punted the task to now, when it’s good and dark outside,.

No regrets. I made the right call.

Instead, I had a brief and unsatisfying siesta and then ended up playing Secret World Legends in a desultory fashion for a while.

It’s a game my friend Maelkoth is very into and I can see why. It has a modern setting, loads of atmosphere, a truly creepy twist on the real world, pretty decent writing and quite good voice acting, and it has a great spooky mood to the whole thing.

However, compared to my previous fave, Warframe, it’s slow and clumsy and the battle system is a little on the simplistic side and of course, being MMO, it is bogged down by the usual bullshit with a dozen different currencies and hundreds of weapons and dosens of ways to upgrade your shit and so forth and so on, all designed to emotionally manipulate you into parting with your real life actual spendable money.

So I am semi-meh about the whole thing. I will keep playing, partly because part of the game are genuinely interesting, and partly because I want to be able to talk about it intelligently with Maelkoth.

But I can’t say I am in love with it or anything.

Well, that’s my words. I started off to do stream of consciousness then realize that it was actually easier just to write about my day.

Turns out my stream of consciousness is quite organized and competent.

I choose to look at that as a good thing.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.