I greet this day with a great big BLECH.

Today has been rough. Last night wasn’t so hot either.

I started feeling bad at FRED. It was sublte ar first, just a slowly spreading sense of energy drain and difficulty in concentration.

But by the time FRED ended, I felt pretty bad. Definitely a bad case of “I think I’m coming down with something” feeling. I kept vascillating between feeling ultra tired and feeling ultra tense.

That sucks about as much as you’d think.

So shopping was less fun than usual. Interesting, though, I seem to stabilize while I was in the Sav-on. I think it was the air conditioning that must have done it.

God damn do I need to live someplace with air conditioning. It would do amazing things for my health, I think.

Doubt I could get MSP to pay for it, though.

Anyhow, so my usual Sunday shopping wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. I didn’t feel great and I definitely didn’t feel right but I didn’t feel too bad.

And I Was still feeling okay when Felicity and I left Sav-On, and so initially I told her I would be fine hanging out with her and Joe like we would normally do Sunday night.

But then the effects of the AC at Sav-On wore off and I felt ill again.

So I had to be dropped off home, where I lay on my bed in the dark a while, fucked around on the computer for a while, and then tried to get some sleep.

One bright note : normally I have some kind of food at around midnight. It’s part of my “eat every 6 hours” schedule. If I am home, I make my snack and eat it with Joe and Julian while we watch Daily Show and Colbert on the PVR.

If I am at Felicity’s parents’ place, which I usually am on Tuesday and Friday night, I have whatever snack I bought at 7-11 and/or McD’s on the way over.

But when thing disrupt that schedule, I often end up skipping my midnight meal. Skipping meals is always a bad idea for me. That’s how blood sugar crashes happen. But I end up doing it anyway because I am one of those oversensitive animals that responds to violation of routine and expectations by shutting down.

But not last night! I forced myself to go make and eat a meal despite the distruption, and so the bad situation I faced today was not nearly as bad as it could have been,

Granted, it took my until 2 AM to get myself to do it (hello, executive dysfunction), bt the point is I got there.

So that’s one little victory in the battle against my bad chemicals. I wasn’t hungry and I didn’t want to eat, but I did anyhow because that’s what adults do.

And I want so very badly to grow up and be a man some day.

Hell, I would settle for just being a real little boy.

I did get some sleep, not enough, and not in large enough a junk. Probably should have taken a Trazadone to ensure I would at least get some deep sleep, but oh well.

Next time, I will know better.

Repeat until believed.

Today was unfun too. I did manage to get some work done. I wrote slightly more than half of a brand new story for the text messaging stories people. Something much funnier, more accessible, more grounded. Something I am pretty sure people will like.

And it’s fun to write, too. In a way, I wish I could write nothing but comedy for the rest of my natural life.

But I have far too much in me that cannot, as of this writing, be expressed that way. Too many demons with too many jobs to get it all out in one genre, tone, or mood.

So I will do my best to get the comedy in there at least some of the time. It’s so much fun just to be silly and wacky and play around with words in order to make people smile and maybe feel a little better about their day.

But most of my afternoon was taken up between my body switching into “everything must go” mode and doing its best to empty the contents of my lower intestinal tract out the lower exit at fire sale speeds.

So I spent time this afternoon between the bathroom doing evacuation drills and my bed recovering from said drills via lying still and occasionally getting 45 minutes of sleep.

So yeah. Crapping and napping. That’s been my day.

I will finish the story tomorrow afteroon at the latest. Who knows, I might have a surge of energy after midnight and finish it then.

The worst part is that I still feel bloated and full. So either the show ain’t over, which would be bad, or I have a LOT of gas, which would be worse.

Actually, no. Not worse. I have learned to deal with the goddamned bloat n’ float. It used to lead to Bad Times quite reliably, but I can make things vent in relatively safety and comfort now, should the need arise.

I have been slowly making myself eat some supper as I write this. Same deal as last night, no appetite and feeling very full, but I gotta eat or things get very bad.

I know that part of my recent woes is sexual frustration. I haven’t been able to “get there” in over a week and it’s not from lack of trying.

And I get this feeling like there is something I should be remembering to do in order to make it happen. Like, every time I finally get there after days of trying, I think, “Oh right! That’s what I had to do! I will have to remember this for next time!”.

But I never do.

Maybe I should write it down or something.

Or maybe I should just relaaaaaax.

Hey wait…. I think that’s it!

Excuse me, I have to go do something.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.