You tried to pretend it would never happen again. But deep down, you knew. It’s not over. It can never be over. It will just keep happening again and again, every time feeling like the last, but promising that there will be another. No matter what is said or done, it happens again and again, and all we can hope for is that, in those precious moments of peace and calm between them, we draw together as simple, common people, take comfort in the solidarity of the damned, and pray together for a redemption that we know will never come.

Yup. It’s time for me to bitch about bad sleep, feeling like crap, and weird dreams again.

It’s not like I have a choice in the matter. I only write these foggy groggy bloggies when I am too incoherent and craptacular to think of what else to write about or choose content to include. Right now, I have a headache, watery eyes from allergies, and a strong urge to hibernate.

But first, I need to talk to you nice people.

I have been pondering my ups and down of health lately, once more attempting to discern a pattern that would allow me to synthesize a strategy and maybe even be able to avoid some of these potholes and even take the whole production to a higher level. Higher highs and higher lows, too. Imagine.

Yesterday was like this, but luckily, it cleared and I was able to produce something at least marginally competent about brains and stuff. But tonight, I will be doing dinner with my dear friends, and afterwards hanging out and watching video with my friend Felicity, and so I can’t wait around till I feel better.

Gotta get this done before I lapse back into troubled slumber,and that means…. well, it means you get what you get right here right now, folks.

I promise, I will write something intelligible tomorrow.

It’s not as bad as I sometimes make it out to be. It could be a lot worse. I could have all the same symptoms, but also have a job, responsibilities, deadliness, a schedule, and all that good stuff. At least with my current bone idle lifestyle, I just have to manage to string 750 words or so per twenty four hours.

It’s like being Dave Barry, but without the money or the audience or the proofreeding.

I have definitely been feeling worse lately. I am guessing it’s probably just because it’s summer. Like I mentioned last week, I do not handle summer well, even on tensely and tersely gray days like today.

If anything, I am happier when it is hotter but sunnier. Then at least the blue skies and sunshine make me feel better and counter the general crappy feeling. Right now, I feel trapped and stifled and tense and kind of like throwing heavy objects throw large closed windows and enjoying the resulting John Woo style orgy of breaking glass and generally reveling in the carnage.

You know, like people do.

I have my fan on and pointed at my poor chronically overheating brain case. I wish I could install some vastly more efficient form of cooling and pressure regulation into this head of mine. Something with big heat sinks, high tech material fans, and cooled with super efficient high tech fluids.

Then this big bad brain of mine might actually be good for something other than holding the my hairdo up.

Speaking of which, work continues apace on slowly and painstakingly trying to create some kind of positive self image for myself. I feel good about myself more often lately. I keep reminding myself that I am a charming, funny, intelligent, sweet fellow, and yes, admittedly, not real good at practical things, but nobody is perfect. I should just be glad I have the gifts I have instead of hating myself for the ones I do not.

Nobody gets to be great at everything. There is always far more that we cannot do than that which we can. I have a lot of things to be grateful for, and the more I harp about what I don’t have, the more I am ingoring the plenty before me.

I still want paid work and a boyfriend and so on, but more often than not lately, I can forgive myself for how my life has gone and remember that there’s no such thing as a normal life.

There’s just the life you get, and it’s best to make the best of it.