I figure I am about due to write a third test messaging story.

I wish I knew how to share them here. But they have to be in the form of a spreadsheet in order for the app to understand them and I do not currently know how I would post a spreadsheet to this blog.

Before anyone launches into an orgasmic riff of tech instruction, I am sure it is possible, I just don’t currently know how to do it.

I am not currently hot to learn, either.  I am still not a very healthy person and I lack the mental capacity to absorb that kind of information right now.

Heck, even on my best days I’m not that good at it. There are a lot of reasons why I never went into IT, and that’s one of them.

But lately I have been wondering if I could learn it. I am pretty sure I do not have the abstract logic skills to be a coder but I could probably learn enough of the necessary lore to be a system administrator somewhere, or work in QA.

And at least I would have a normal job skill instead of having gotten trained in a crazy ass field – TV writing – where nobody will even tell you how to get a job doing it and there’s a million other starry-eyed dreamers out there who are competing for the same near-mythical jobs in an industry that does not exactly need more than maybe a thousand writers total.

Funny that it took me this long after getting a $20K+ bullshit certificate for me to think things through that far, isn’t it?

WARNING : Bitterness ahead.

My mistake was in thinking talent and skill mattered. My dumbass self actually thought that if you were amazingly good at writing television, and could prove it, you could get a job writing television.

I mean, that’s how the world is supposed to work, right?

But no, apparently if your teachers don’t like you, none of that shit matters. Worst day of my life was the day that I was told that absolutely none of the teachers who had taught me at VFS would ever recommend me for any TV writing job ever.

A big part of me died that day. I’d spent a year of my life working my ass off for that precious VFS certificate and two days before graduation I found out that it had all been for nothing and I might as well stayed in my pathetic little life.

If I had known that’s how it would end, I never even would have gone to Kwantlen.

But no, big fat sucker than I am, I went to college for a whole year just to prove to VFS that I could handle school and thus qualified for VFS, then worked like hell despite being seriously undermedicated for my severe depression in order to do well in class and show my teachers just what an amazing writer I am, and then none of it mattered because to them, I was just this weird old fat dude who was kind of gross and didn’t fit in and was therefore at the bottom of the peckiing order, ergo not worth investing any effort or time or risk for, and easy to just scrape off their shoes and forget.

So now I have around $26K of student debt I will never pay off and absolutely nothing of value to show for it.

I should at least get a fucking refund.

I still have not recovered from that day in May, 2016. All of my carefully hoarded hope and optimism died that day and I had to start building up my self esteem all over again.

It would have served them right if I had blown my brains out at the graduation ceremony. right as they handed me that worthless certificate.

And the thing is, all those teachers who wouldn’t do a thing to help me knew that I struggled with depression and that school had not been easy for me but that I had come there day after day with near-perfect attendance despite all that. But apparently that did not matter to them.

Not compared to the theoretical risk to their professional reputations if they recommend a super talented guy who happened to be kind of gross for a job.

And the thing is, everyone works over the internet these days so my personal appearance and comportment doesn’t even matter.

I could write amazing things for people without them even having to know what I look like or where I live.

But no – merit didn’t fucking matter. Being the top writer in my class didn’t matter either. Nobody in my class was even closer to being as good a writer as I am. Not even Dan Windsor, and he’s extremely good.

Seriously, Dan. You’re amazing.

None of them were as funny as I am, either. And they all knew it. Everyone there told me what a hilarious writer I am. Others have told me that too.

But again, merit does not matter if you are the social outcast of the group. When your social status level is zero, the idea of any positive qualities being attached to you causes too much conflict in people’s social brains for them to handle so it’s easiest for them to completely ignore all available evidence and go with the version of reality that works best for them personally.

And after all, it’s not like someone with Status Level Zero can fight back or is a threat in any way, so why not shit on them like everyone else?

I mean, what force could possibly oppose that kind of thing? It would have to be like a science, but the opposite. An antiscience. A nonscience. A…. conscience.

Wow, what a weird idea. Reminds me of that other weird thing…. what’s it called? Polarity? Molarity? Oh that’s right…. morality.

Boy, if those two ever got together it would take all the fun out of attacking those least able to defend themselves.

And what kind of world would that be to live in?

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.