(TRIGGER WARNING : Non-explicit talk about peeing. )

I cannot believe how much I have urinated in the last 19 hours or so.

It’s insane. I estimated that I have needed to pee at least eight times in that amount of time and every single time, my bladder has been painfully full and I have had to spend a lot more time “in the position” than is usual for me.

And as usual when I hit a patch like this, the burning question on my mind is : where the heck have I been keeping all this aqua vitae? How the heck was it stored?

Because I am telling you, output has vastly outpaced input. I am used to urinating relatively frequently due to my aggressive approach to remaining hydrated. I usually pee three or four times a day, and that matches up nicely with how much I drink.

But now I have doubled that while deliberately restricting my fluid intake out of worries about some kind of nightmare overflow situation, and so I have to wonder where the heck all this moisture has been hiding.

I have several entertaining entirely unscientific theories, of course. Like I am actual a distant relatively to some might rain god, and normally this would be the time when I would be making it rain in some drought stricken area but I was never given the proper instructions and training, so it now rains internally from time to time.

Talk about a golden shower! *canned laughter*

Or maybe I am unwittingly host to some moisture seeking aliens from a galatic society where water is the most precious thing there is, like in the movie Ice Pirates, and all the time at the bowl today has actually been their way of sending their precious bounty back to the mother planet somehow.

Talk about liquid gold! *canned laughter*

Or maybe it’s urea (aka uric acid) that they are really after because to them, it is both a potent fertilizer and a powerful hallucinogenic narcotic, and somewhere some alien equivalent of a bored rich kid is getting high as fuck on my humble output.

Talk about something else! *canned laughter*

Okay, okay. This is clearly going in a weird direction and I am pretty sure the world can live without whatever sick scenario I would come up with next.

Scientifically speaking, the most plausible explanation is that it has something to do with my electrolyte balance. The actual answer to “where did it all come from?” is that it came from the cells of my body, and in order for our cells to retain water, it has to also retain our primary electrolyte, salt.

The way our cells do the trick with the salt and the water is fascinating, but I won’t waste time explaining it tonight.

The gist is that if something triggers a loss of salt in my body, it would naturally also lead to a loss of the fluid being retained in my cells with the help of said salt.

Of course, that doesn’t really explain the phenomenon, because what the ever lovin heck caused the loss of salt?

But it does, at least. explain where all the fluid came from. It was locked away in my cells until something opened the dang floodgates.

The other thing I have been doing today is sleeping. I am definitely going through one of my sleepy periods. I have spent more time asleep than awake in those fateful 19 hours.

And it has been the deep, heavy sleep that always leaves me kind of messed up and incoherent when I wake up.

So the plot summary of my day would be “Michael pees groggily a lot. ”

I would like to imagine that the peeing and the sleeping are somehow related, if only for post hoc ergo propter hoc reasons.

But I am uncharacteristically sans theory as to how the two phenomenon could be related. The best I can come up with is a vague guess that essentially boils down to “something something….. hormones?”.

But clearly my body has some serious work to do. Some thing or things has become severely unbalanced and my body is determined to return to equilibrium no matter what it takes to do so.

I approve of this. Lord knows, important decisions like this can’t be left to my overwrought and undertaught conscious mind. We all know that as brilliant as my mind is, it is terrible at looking after its body, and is definitely not to be trusted to listen to what the body says from way up on its cloud of abstract reasoning and childish pursuits.

So I am all for my body taking the reins of power when it needs to do so. Go ahead, do what it takes to be healthy. Ignore my silly ass id-less out of touch with physical reality conscious mind, it doesn’t know what the fuck it is doing.

Wouldn’t it be great if doing the healthy things actually felt (or tasted, or sounded, or whatever) better than the unhealthy things?

We would all be so healthy all the time!

In fact, a lot of my problems boil down to my conscious mind micromanaging natural functions that work just fine on their own.

That’s what all that “ignoring my instincts” is about. I am so good at simply tuning out all the messages from my body so that I can tune in to the abstract rational part of my mind where I prefer to live that I feel like my body and I are fond but distant relatives who swear they should be in contact way more but never go through with it.

Of course, that’s true in real life too. I am one poor correspondent.

But I refuse to take all the guilt for that. My relatives are free to contact me any time they like, and I am always thrilled when they do.

It’s just very hard to convince myself that they actually want to hear from me. And that makes it very hard to talk myself into spontaneously reaching out to them.

I always feel like I will just be an unwanted intrustion into their lives.

And the bitter truth is that they leave it up to me to contact them because most of the time they forget all about me, so it’s up to me to remind them I exist.

I have serious psychological issues that keep me from reaching out to them.

What’s their excuse?

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.