The rain sounded like handfuls of pebbles being gently tossed by toddlers at the windows of the dull grey train station. Every gust of wind – and the wind was gentle but constant – brough another salvo and its accompanying moment of sonic excitement.

But then the gust ended. spent from its minor effort, and the station was once more cloaked in densely textured silence.

I watched as a fat drop was born at the top of the window I stood before. It started slowly, surface tension keeping it in place, but then rapidly picked up momentum as it absorbed other drops and grew heavier and faster till it suddenly lurched off to the side and joined the moisture collecting in the seams of the pane.

Damn thing didn’t even make it all the way. Pathetic.

But it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. It was all pointless. And stupid. And wrong.

I clutched my ticket hard and did my bestg to think of nothing but home.

Of course,. someone had to come along to ruin it.

“Hi there feller. ” said the Dead Man.

I designed to glance in his direction. My suspicions were confirmed. That man was dead. Dead as a doornail. Anyone could see it.

The question was whether he had even been alive in the first place.

Some of them choose not to bother.

I gave him my second-best baleful glaze and thought hostile, glaring leave me the fuck alone thoughts at him as hard as I could.

The last thing I wanted at a time like this was to have to converse with some chipper idiot with boundry issues.

But that never works on his type. So after a few very long seconds of expectant silence, I sighed and said “Hello. ”

The Dead Man beamed, happy just to be acknowledged. Like a goddamn dog. Any minute now, he’s sprout a tail just so he could wag it.

“Hi there!’ he repeated unnecessarily. “My name is….. uh… ”

For a moment, he was perplexed. All his happy doggy instincts told him that the next step in Making New Friends was to tell your new best buddy your name.

But the dead have no names. They lose them when they die. I enjoyed watching him try to wrap his tiny mind around the concept.

He ended up where they always do. “Uh…. you can call me Ted. Teddy. That will do. Teddy, like a teddy bear. Heh. ”

And there was that halfwit grin I had seen on so many similar faces. He was clearly pleased at his own wit A teddy bear, heh. Surely that made him a backwoods Oscar Fucking Wilde down at the Legion.

It made me want to fucking puke.

And there was that expectant look again. Clearly it was my turn. It’s like these people know I am incapable of “leaving them hanging” and would be compelled to reply. And they use this weakness to exploit me for their own amusement.

“My name…. ‘ I said, ‘Is Lewis. ”

“Why, that’s a fine name. ” said Dead Teddy.

“If you like it so much, you can have it. ” I replied. “I don’t need it any more. ”

Instantly I knew I had made a mistake. The last thing I wanted to do was make myself more interesting to this clod.

“Why not?” he asked.

I sighed resignedly and I showed him my ticket. “Because of this. ”

He glanced at the ticket, not really looking. “Oh I get it. That must be your ticket home. Am I right?”.

I nodded. Okay, so he wasn’t completely dull.

He grinned, now pleased with his powers of deduction. “We get a lot of you folk here, it being the last station on the line and all. Not to mention it being the point of origin for the last train of the night and all. ”

There was a lot to unpack in that drivel. I picked a piece of it at random. “Us folk?.”

“You know, ” he said, a little irritated at my opacity. “Folks with that kind of ticket. End of the line types.  On their way home. ”

I pondered continuin to feign ignorance. But this yokel had done nothing in particular to deserve such torment. And I was too tired to be cruel.

‘I guess that makes sense. ” I ventured. Seemed safe enough. Noncommital.

Dead Teddy looked me over, sizing me up. Then said “You look mighty young to be taking that train, though. Most of that crowd is older than most dirt. But you, why…. I bet you ain’t even thirty yet. Am I right?”

“27. ” I replied.

“Thought so. ” he said sourly. I looked up. Where was that idjit smile now?

“And judging by how you are dressed, I suppose that means you are leaving the party early. ” Was that the hint of a snarl I heard in his voice?

I looked down at my clothing. Suddenly my sleek matte black and burnt ivory tuxedo seemed absurd. A costume, nothing more.

“What’s it to you?” I replied. “It’s my ticket. My ride. ”

“Uh huh. ” he said, “and I suppose none of the people who you left behind at the party get a say? Tell me, son…. do they even know you left?”

I shook my head. I didn’t tell a single soul. Slipped out like a shadow while everyone else was watching Judy dance. Perfect.

“So how do you think they are going to feel when they figure it out? ”

“I don’t know. ” I replied. Which was bullsht. Of course I knew. They would be devastated. But that wasn’t the worst part.

The worst part was how much I liked the idea.

“Yeah, bullshit. ” said the Dead Man. ‘It’s going to tear them apart. You use that ticket and you are hurting everyone who loves you and everyone you love. But I suppose that’s not enough to stop you, is it? Or you wouldn’t even be here. I guess you never loved them all that much in the first place. Right?”

I shook my head again. I wasn’t going to justify myself to this asshole.;

But for the record,. I loved my friends and family very much.

It just didn’t matter any more.

———————————WORK IN PROGRESS SNIP———