Not long ago, it occurred to me that my particular romantic and/or sexual preference – open sex closed monogamous relationshup – could be summarzied in the word “polysexual”.
You can fuck whoever youi like, hubby – just play safe and tell me all the deets later. I will do the same.
But I am your man and you are mind, and that means that if you fall in love with someone else, the sky will rain fire.
Sexuality fidelity is absurd. Emotional fidelity is mandatory.
The most important thing is that I am your number one priority in all things and at all times. And you will be mine.
Fair’s fair, after all.
Anyhow, before I get lost in the forests of my own emotional intensity, after thinking of the word, I decided to Google it to see if it is already a thing.
And of course it is, but it is does not mean what I wanted it to mean.
It has the rather confusing definition of meaning “someone who is attracted to some but not all genders.”
And this is where my being a good liberal intellectual runs smack dab into my being a bastard about language and logic.
Because on a strictly intellectual level, I have a logical issue with adding a lot of new entries to the gender scale.
Don’t get me wrong : if one of the new labels fits you and makes you happy, then God bless, I could not be happier for you, and consider my lip zipped.
But as someone who is way too invested in the minutiae of language and who wants things to have precise and specific definitions, it bugs me.
This is how I imagine it going down :
Pretty Young Idealistic Person (PYIP) : I identify as polysexual!
Grumpy Old Me (GOM) : So what, you’re into parrots?
PYIP : I don’t get it.
GOM : Never mind. So what does polysexual mean, exactly?
PYIP : It means I am attracted to some, but not all, genders!
GOM : Out of how many genders?
PYIP : Oh, I dunno. I think there is like…. eight or nine now?
GOM : OK, then, which ones are you not into?
PYIP : I don’t know….. I mean, I’m into men…. oh, and women…
GOM : The usual suspects. Go on.
PYIP : And um…. and I am not attracted to fat guys… no offense…
GOM : Some taken. Fat is not a gender. Go on.
PYIP : Um…… well…. I dunno….
GOM : Well how about trans women…. are you attracted to them?
PYIP : Well are they….
GOM : Pre-op.
PYIP : Well them… um…. no, I don’t think so.
GOM : Fair enough. I won’t ask why. The dick wants what the dick wants, right? People can’t choose that kind of thing.
PYIP : Exactly. Thank you, for understanding.
GOM : No prob. What about trans men? Pre op.
PYIP : Um….. no. I don’t think so.
GOM : What’s left…. how about the genderfluid?
PYIP : No, I don’t think so. That’s such a gross word!
GOM : I know. It sounds like something you wouldn’t want to get on you. Anyhow, what else is there? Come on, you’re a young person, you must be more up on these things than me.
PYIP (exasperated) : Well I dunno! Others!
GOM : But you are sure you are into at least one of them and therefore describing yourself as bisexual would be inadequate.
PYIP(super exasperated) : Yes! No! I don’t know… god!
GOM : I will just put you down as “bisexual plus”, then.
PYIP : Fine. Whatever.
Note : I am never that big of a dick in real life. In real life, I am fully aware that people do not exist solely to satisfy my intellectual interests and would never badger some poor young person to the point I do in the above example in the real world.
Part of me would want to, though.
Anyhoo. So polysexual has an existing meaning and it applies to gender, not relationship rules, so that’s out. Poopies.
However, speaking of gender, I find myself drifting towards bisexuality lately, as opposed to my more usual homosexuality.
Well, homosexuality with options. Homosexuality plus, basically.
For years I have been calling myself polyromantic (which also has an existing meaning which is also stupid) in that I can see absolutely no reason why I couldn’t fall in love with a woman.
After all, to me at least, romantic love is about souls, not parts. If I admired and adored someone, the bits would not matter.
Until we got into the bedroom. Then, they would matter. Or so I thought.
But I have always wanted to be truly bisexual. It seems like the spiritually superior position and my spiritual ambition has no limits so I have been striving towards bisexuality for a while without having the slightest idea of how to get there.
Well it turns out exposure helps.
I peruse a lot of furry porn, and despite my search terms, some of it always ends up involving a female or two.
No biggie. I am not the stereotypical vaginophobic fag who screams and faints at the mere thought of lady naughty bits. I have always appreciated vaginas, both for the valuable work they do (where would we be without them?) and aesthetically.
Some of them are downright adorable.
Until recently, however, that’s as far as it went. They’re nice and wonderful but not something in which I see myself personally involved.
But I have been going through the archives of a rather fun furry webcomic call Cats n’ Cameras and I am beginning to find the lovely vag in there more than cute, but downright appealing.
That charming vagina in the last panel looks mighty nice to me, and more importantly, to my penis.
So progress is being made, is what I am saying. I am still a long way from true bisexuality, but I am happy that at least part of me is getting there.
For example, I don’t think I could handle the real thing, especially if there is still pubic. For reasons that are obvious if you think about it, furry ladies tend not to have public hair.
But at least I am feeling the tug from some kind of vagina now.
And who knows? Maybe I will make it to true bisexuality some day.
I can hardly wait.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.