And what have you done?
Another year over
A new one’s just begun
Um, no, if it’s Christmas, the year isn’t over yet and the new one won’t begin for another week. Idiot.
Aaaaanyhow. Here it is, Xmas morning and here I am, all alone in the world and missing my family like crazy,
And that hurts. But it’s a good kind of hurt. A warm kind of ache that I would not want to go away for any reason other than my being with them,.
I miss my Prince Edward Island homeland, too. This time of year, all would be snowy and white. Soft snow muffles sound and so the world would be more quiet and peaceful than in the summer months.
My mother just called, so I am all a-tingle with love and happiness and that precious, precious ache.
I told her about my trip to the hospital for pneumonia. Apparently David never told her about it. I am not surprised – we all do our best to protect her from things we think will upset her.
It’s because we feel what she feels and so when she’s upset, so are we.
After all, she’s our mama.
And truth be told, I probably would not have told her either if it wasn’t ancient history now. I figured that as long as I was coming from being fine now, it would not upset her too much.
And she would want to know, of course. I’m the baby of the family and her bright little dreamer, so she wants to know what is up with me.
And like I told her, I don’t mind her asking about my depression. It doesn’t make me feel bad. In face, it makes me feel good that she cares.
Apparently, she took a spill recently on the thrice-damn’d ice. Ended up hurting her shoulder. X-rays didn’t show anything but it hurt awful bad from her shoulder to her hands and she could barely use that arm at all.
My poor mama!
Then about a month later, she was shrugging her shoulder and heard a lot of little clicky bone sounds and suddenly felt a whole lot better.
She figured she had a dislocation that didn’t show up on the xrays and that shrug made things pop back into place.
The funny thing is, the exact same thing happened to her brother, my Uncle Sonny! The fall, the pain, the not being able to use the arm, the xrays not showing anything, the month or so of misery, then the clicks and relief.
The whole story, happening to two people who happen to be siblings.
What are the odds?
Apparently my aunt Florence has been really having a hard time with her depression. Her husband, my uncle Andre, is beside himself with worry and doesn’t know what to do. All she does is lie on the couch all day and read.
Well all I do is use this computer all day, mostly to play video games, so I can relate. And I know what it is like to be like ghost in your own life, lost in your own shadow and numb to the point of wanting to harm to yourself just to get to feel something.
I’ve never actually done that, mind you. But I have wanted to. and I know why other people with depression do it.
Because it’s better to feel pain that feel nothing.
On a much, much happier note, we talked about my brother’s engagement to his long time girlfriend, Tanya.
Oh, by the way, my brother had gotten engaged to his long time girlfriend Tanya! And I am over the moon with happiness about it.
Like I said to him, I am just glad he finally found a girl smart enough to see what an awesome guy he is.
Of course, I might be biased.
As far as I know, they have not set a date yet. But I want to know when they do, because god damn it, one way or another, I will be there.
Gotta see my bro get married. I missed both of my sisters’ weddings, and I will be damned if I miss his.
The problem, as always, is that there is a whole continent between me and my family and the lands of my birth.
So any excursion home will be costly. The one time I managed it, it cost my sister Anne around a thousand bucks.
I could probably save that up. Especially if I find my gumption again and go back to looking for work on UpWork.
What else… oh, funny story : when Tanya first started coming around, my mother had to establish a certain thing with her :
She did NOT need to be looked after.
See, Tanya does a lot of things for her own mother. So when she first started coming around to my mother and brother’s home, she tried doing the same thing with my mother.
And I find that hilarious because I know my mother and know that was NOT going to fly. She’s quite stubborn and independent and cannot stand having people fussing over her and treating her like the fine china.
So that’s where I get it.
Actually, I don’t mind being fussed over. In fact, I quite like it. But only up to a point, the point where it starts to interfere with my autonomy.
So I would be fine having someone taking care of all of life’s little details for me, but I am going to do what I want, when I want, and that’s final.
Now if only I could be my own caretaker.
I’m working on it.
One last update from home : my mother’s other brother, my Uncle Jim, now lives in an old folk’s home.
Imagine how old that makes my mother feel! Poor dear.
Well I think that’s all the newts that’s fit to sprint. I have just enough time for a bit of a nap before I have to get ready to go to Joe’s parents’ place for what is sure to be a highly pleasant Xmas dinner.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.