My god, winter is depressing.

No wonder all those Scandanavian coutries have high suicide rates. Those people have the highest standard of living in the whole world and yet, winter kills them via suicide.

Here on the Wet Coast, we are experiencing real winter for the first time this season. There’s snow on all the roads. Its been heavily overcast all day. It’s cold as hell outside, at least by the local standards.

And I have slept for most of today and yet I am still sleepy and would dearly love to just crawl back into bed and take a brief one year nap.

It’s like I am beginning to hibernate. All I wanna do is sleep until it’s nice out again.

But of course, it isn’t that simple. As ursinoid as I am in the real world, I am still a human being and humans do not, officially, hibernate.

We may semi-hibernate, though. At least those of us whose genetic heritage is from northern, temperate climes. It would make sense for us to have an exaggerated need for sleep in the winter time as that would reduce metabolic demand and hence make us need less food over time in the winter and that would increase our chances of making it to the spring.

So there are definite advantages to a lot of winter napping. We can’t truly hibernate – that requires a lot of specialized biological hardware and programming and human beings are generalists,. not specialists.

But we can sleep a lot.

That’s also a hunting adaptation. There is a reason why your cat sleeps so much. It’s because cats are pure predators and predators are geared towards slow stalking of prey followed by rapid, high energy chase and pounce, and then huge high energy meals that take a long time to digest.

Ergo, the smart thing to do is to sleep and let your body devote all its energies to digestion, and live off all that meat you devoured until that runs out and it is time to go hunt up some food again.

Makes me think of a bunch of primitive hunter-gatherer types after the big feast/orgy that followed a successful hunt, sleeping in a big pile like kittens.

Sleeping all day always makes me depressed. I wish it didn’t, but it does. It makes me feel like hours of my life are being stolen and wasted when I would rather be up and doing something. even if that something is just playing video games.

I wish I could be all relaxed and happy and philosophical about the whole thing. After all, looked at from the right angle, all that sleep could be seen as an island of tranquility and relaxation and escape from the world.

But I am not that kind of person. It sometimes seems like I am,but I am not. I want to live, god damn it, and if that means I have to fight and bite and yell and scream, then that is what I am going to do.

I’ll be mellow when I am dead, motherfuckers.

I will be back later.

I must go poop.

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Have pooped and napped. in that order and not at the same time.

I guess I should explain why I was offline for six days.

Here’s a little something that goes exactly like this :

1. My Internet died. Root cause : Ethernet cable failure. Well. shit.
2. After fretting about it for a few hours while playing Dragon Age Origins, I figure out that my best option is to order a USB WiFi adapter as that will be way easier to deal with and cheaper than getting another very long Ethernet cable. And weird as it sounds, this super sweet computer of mine did not come with Wi-Fi.
3. I hop on Amazon.ca to buy one. Found one that looked about right within a few minutes, so I order it. I want it ASAP, so I throw in an extra four bucks for Amazon Prime’s One Day Delivery.
4. First sign of trouble : I am ordering it on a Tuesday and it says it will arrive Thursday. No matter how you slice it, that’s two days, not one. Oh well.
5. Thursday rolls around, and nope, nothing. You mean I have to wait anothe day for this thing? Dammit. I check my email and Amazon emailed me to apologize and say it would arrive Friday or Saturday,
6. Friday : Also nothing. What the FUCK? It’s now been three days for my One Day Delivery, and I am a Prime customer and everything. And it’s not like it will arrive on a Saturday as it is coming via Canada Post and the only thing that would get postal workers out of bed on a Saturday is lighting their house on fire.
7. Saturday, Sunday : Yup. Nothing. On Sunday, I get an email from Amazon saying “your package may be lost, as it never takes this long to deliver anything!”. How reassuring. Before giving in to despair, however, I click the tracking link on the package and discover it arrived here in Richmond late Friday night.
8. Monday (today) : It arrives. I follow the instructions, install the drivers, plug the sucker in, put in our password, and voila, I am back.

Problem solved. But I am still pissed off about the delay. So I log in to Amazon.ca to complain, but that’s where I am stuck.

Because the clever bastards have set it up so that I can’t complain via email or anything like it. I can only bitch at them over the phone or in live chat.

And that was so unexpected that it totally triggered my social anxiety and so it is going ot take me a while to overcome that so I can bitch at them in realtime.

And this whole ordeal is part of a larger pattern of shit coming up to disrupt my life, like this cold that won’t go away and strange events making me miss my usual shopping opportunities so I run out of my small comforts, and things like that.

It all grinds down my fragile sense of safety, and as a result. I have felt depressed and anxious and stressed the fuck out.

Right now, I wish I could just check myself into some nice private institution where everything is nice a quiet and orderly and if I feel the need to scream and thrash around,they have a nice room with soft walls for just that purpose.

I am not sure I would get any healthier, but I would probably be happier.

And that’s what is really important, n’est-ce pas?

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.