She gestured me forward, and I leaned in close till my ear was inches from her lips.
“Trudy…. ” she said to me. “Trudy…. I think I am finally…. done. And that means I can go now, doesn’t it? I’m done and now I have to go. I can go, yes?”
It’s always me. “Yes, Grandmother. You’re all done now. You can go. ”
She smiled like a child. “Good, good. Tell Father to bring the car around. I’m ready to go home. I think I can hear Mother singing… its so beautiful…”
I smiled. “Go to her, Grandmother. It’s okay. Go and be with her forever. ”
She nodded, and said “You know, I think I… ”
And just like that, she went.
And I thought, Let Marta think she was Grandmother’s favorite because she made Grandmother laugh and clap and smile.
Let Abigail think she was Grandmother’s favorite because Grandmother was always telling her how pretty and smart she was.
Let Anton think he was Granmother’s favorite because of all the proud and lavish gifts she so enjoyed giving him.
Let all the other siblings and cousins and all the rest think whatever they needed to think in order to convince themselves she loved them best.
I know I was the one she loved the most.
Because I am the one she trusted with all her secrets.
I am the one she trusted with responsibility.
I am the one she knew would understand.
And that’s why I was the one who was with her in the end.
I steeled my nerves at the sitting room door, for I knew this would not be easy. But I have always been the one who did what was necessary when the time came. I did all the things that were too hard for the rest. This time was no different.
A few long, smooth, calming breaths. and I entered the room.
Immediately the room was filled with the hue and cry of all the hopeful heirs arguing that it was their turn with Grandmother next.
Does it even matter to them that all but one of them are lying? I thought.
I waited for the tumult to subside, then quietly announced, “She’s gone. ”
There was a few moments of shocked silence as they realized that the thing they were all waiting for had actually happened. Then the cacophony returned at twice the intensity, making them seem like a chorus of frightened chickens.
They accused one another of various forms of perfidy. They accused me of somehow causing her death, more out of wishful thinking than evidence or a rational theory. The crocodiles tears flowed like summer wine and many a histrionic performance of exaggerated grief was debuted and ignored.
People who had barely spoken to her in life and had done nothing but cruelly mock her behind her back when they spoke of her at all claimed that they were,. in fact, the ones she loved the best, and rumours as scurrilous as they were appalling were thrown like handfuls of muck at one another.
And it was all so pointless because none of it would change the will.
So I waited in silence for our ancient family lawyer, Mister Bribane, to bring some order to the proceedings so he could read out the will.
And reflected on how many times I had been in this exact same position. One lonely leaven of silence in the screaming tumult of family politics.
And thought about the last time Grandmother and I had been together before today.
It had, of course, been on the benches by the lake. Grandmother had always seemed the most relaxed and content there.
“It won’t been long now, Trudy. ” she’d said to me. “I can feel it in my bones. The doctors either don’t know it or won’t tell me the truth, but don’t need them to tell me that I am not long for this world. And you know what Trudy? I’ll be glad to go. ”
I nodded. It made sense to me. She was very ill, passing in and out of lucidity like trains going through tunnels, and I, unlike the others, could see that she was in a lot of pain. I loved her dearly and did not want to see her go, but I knew it was her time and that it wasn’t about what I wanted anyhow.
“You’ve always been my favorite, Trudy. I let the others think what they like but you’re the only one I really trust. You’re the only one who sees things as they really are. You’re like my father, your great grandfather, in that respect. Perhaps that is why I have always trusted you the most, because I see him in your eyes. ”
I had not known this. I filed it away in my mind for future examination.
“You I can trust, ” she had said. ” but the others… ”
She stared out over the lake for a few moments, then without turning to me,. said “Do you think they would have turned out better if it hadn’t been for the money? I’ve always resisted that money corrupts people…. after all, my children turned out fine… but their children make me so sad, and I find myself wondering what it was all for. All the hard work and scrimping and saving and helping with the business and so on. What was the point of it all if it was all going to lead to….. them. ”
“And I tried so hard with your mother, Trudy. And with your uncles Steven and Ted. I tried so hard to make them kind and strong and understanding and all the rest. And I thought I had succeeded. I really did. I thought that their children would be just loike them and that this family would go on to be a force for good in the world. ”
“But something went wrong. Maybe I should have been stricter with my children. Or maybe I was too strict, I don’t know. Maybe I should have taught them not only to be good people but good parents. Maybe I didn’t realize those were different things until it was far too late. ”
She sighed, then shrugged. “I guess it’s not really my problem any more. Soon I will be gone, and it will be up to others to make all the decisions. ”
“Now come, Trudy. Wheel me back to the house. I have a few things I need to do before it’s too late. ”
If I had thought I knew chaos and cacophony before, the announcement that I had been named executor of her will, with broad discretionary powers, proved me wrong.
There was such an explosion of outrage and accusation that I am fairly sure I know what Hell is like now. It is like being trapped in a small room with a pack of screaming demons alll crying out for your blood.
After all,. who was I? A nobody! A nothing! Half of them hadn’t even heard of me before today, and those who had viewed me with nothing but offhanded contempt. How could a mousy little shadow like myself have gotten the most important and respected job? Surely, it was the greatest of all possible injustices for the position to go to someone like me, who had not even figured into their calculations?
The notion that I must have cheated somehow emerged as a rough consensus. Such looks of poisonous hate as to kill a basilisk and its immediately family were focused upon me, the one who stoled what was rightfully “theirs” from “them”.
“Bibbin”(my name for Mister Brisbane since I was a child) endured this storm like Gibraltar, and when the moment was right, he silenced the mob with a glare like the judgment of the Furies, and spoke.
He told them, in no uncertain terms, that Grandmother’s will was his life’s work and therefore could not be challenged, questioned, contested, or amended. Anyone who so much asked for an extra comma would find themselves not merely disinherited but sued into poverty and, if Bibbin has his way, clapped in irons to boot.
He also offhandedly mentioned that I now had near total control over disbursements from Grandmother’s vast estate, and that anyone who wanted anything from said estate should seriously re-evaluate their view of me or they would end up with nothing.
A little presumptuous of him to say so, I thought, but I allowed it.
After a respectable silence, I stood up and addressed the room.
“I think you all should know, ” I began, ” that things are about to change. ”
Father was there, of course. How he was before the money came. Strong, handsome, and with the quiet but unmistable aura of power that had always made her feel so safe.
And of course, Chester her beloved cocker spaniel and Donna the wonder mutt were waiting for her in the back of Father’s crazy old station wagon, the one with no two doors the same color and the funny little “eek!” noise, like a startled cartoon mouse, it made when it stopped.
And of course, it was their lopsided home on Blackstrap Road, out by the oild sugar refinerly, that they pulled up to at the end of the trip. And there was Mother, glowing in the sunlight, smiling like a Madonna and pregnant with Ted, who was there to greet them, with baby Steven in her arms.
She hugged them both so tight that she could scarely breathe. And in their arms, she knew, like the sun knew the sky, that they would never be apart again.
“Come. ” said Mother. “Let’s go sit down by the lake.
THE END/