Still trying to wrap my head around this potential public speaking superpower of mine.

That’s what it feels like. A superpower. Now that I have opened my eyes and my mind to the thing, I can’t consider it a mere talent or gift.

Those concepts just aren’t big enough to contain the power I can now see I have had all my life. This is not some mere knack .Those are consciously comprehensible aspects of a human mind. Extensions of a rational capacity.

And in general, they don’t pit people in an otherwordly state where they have little to no memory of what they did afterwards.

That’s like…. super freaky. Now that I am thinking about it.

Just yesterday, I watched an episode of Colbert where an actress talked about how she never watches her own work. And I have always understood that. Some of us are very sensitive to identity conflict and it can be very weird to be yourself and see yourself on the screen at the same time for people like that.

People like myself, for instance.

But now I am wondering if I feel that way because performing is such a weird alternate reality dream state for me that seeing it on a screen makes it all too damned real for me and I just can’t handle that.

I suppose that is sort of the same thing.

But I know I have been intensely uncomfortable watching my own videos of myself. IF there are others present the discomfort rises exponentially.

Hell, even just writing about it now, I feel that same discomfort.

I thought it was just shyness, but it might be something more.

Anyhow, the point is, I might have some kind of superpower. And not just any human-level superhuman ability, like being a natural athelete or having an intuitive grasp of mathematics that puts you light years ahead of everyone else.

No, this is the big one. This is the power that shapes nations and changes history. This is the charisma that great figures of history had. The ability to speak to a crowd of people in such a way that makes them connect with you and makes them open to changing their minds about things because of the sheer power of personality of the person doing the speaking.

Churchill. Ghandi. My man Martin Luther. Hitler, even. They all had this ability and they all changed the world with it.

That’s what this ability can do. Change the world.

And quite frankly, that scares the shit out of me.

Chills me to the core. Because with great power comes great responsibility (says the lifelong Spider-man fan) and I have done my best to avoid responsibility my whole life.

Like most creative types, I put a high value on my personal autonomy. Freedom of action is very important to me. I never want to be tied down to a situation that limits my options. I need lots of metaphorical space around me.

And responsibility is like, the opposite of that.

And yet, I am too responsible a person to ever take responsibility lightly. I can’t treat it all like a game. I am too aware of the reality and the stakes for that.

No, if I am reponsible for something. I take that responsibility seriously and do my utmost to fulfill said responsbility as thoroughly and competently as I can.

I can do no else. It’s how I am built.

So the idea of maybe having a potentially world-changing superpower scares several competing varieties of the bejesus out of me.

Because if I have it, then I have to use it. The state of the world today demands it. I have to try to help the best I can. No other option exists.

I’ve talked about that here before. Situations where non-intervention is just plain not an option for me. It doesn’t even feel like I am making a choice. If I am there and I can help, I have to do it.

And that remains true even though I know that I might just make things worse.

Well this whole ability to sway crowds thing is like the ultimate example of that. The world clearly needs someone to butt in to the conversation of politics and annihilate some of the terrible arguments terrible people used to justify their terribleness.

And to be honest, someone needs to lead a lot of people out of the trap that right wing politics has become for them. They have been led astray by shepherds with ill intent, and I am positive that if someone could simply reach them and show them that they can leave these shepherds behind without having to completely change who they are and what they believe, they would follow that person to the promised land and be eternally grateful for their exodus.

And I am pretty sure I could do that. Which means I should.

But I feel dwarfed by the sheer size of the undertaking. It is so large and I am so small.

I have to admit, I feel a little like a reluctant messiah at this point. This would be the point in the story when the saviour rails against their situation and asks the heavens, why me? Why have I been chosen for this journey? What did I do to deserve having this destiny hung around my neck? Why is it my job to save the world that has never been especially kind or loving to me?

And the answer is always the same : because you can.

Help if you can. It’s the most basic rule of human ethics. Do what you can to make things better for your fellow humans.

And I maybe can do a lot more than most people.

In a way, I would be glad to find out I did not, in fact, have this ability. It would take a huge load off my mind.

But I also would be severely and savagely disappointed.

Because who doesn’t want to save the world?

Me, maybe. But this isn’t about me.

It’s about realizing that the world needs someone like you to contribute what you can, and there’s really no other path you can take.

If there is a purpose to my life, this is it.

Now I just have to figure out how the hell to actually do it.

Tune in tomorrow for further details.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.