I was originally going to say ‘A cranky fox’ but thought “grumpy” was cuter.

And therein lies my dilemma.

As patient readers know, grumpiness is a strong issue in this lopsided labyrinth of a brain that I call home.

From birth, I was around when my father took his bad moods out on us, the family he supposedly loved, and I vowed at an early age that I would never, ever do that.

But the thing about that is that when you make such vows as a child, you tend to go a wee bit overboard.

After all, you’re too young for nuance.

In my case, I left no room for really any way to express anger. That was only reinforced when my circumstances and my natural abilities and temperament combined to make me the kid that is always cheerful and funny and pleasant and trying his darnedest to earn your love by entertaining you.

Around adults, anyhow. My fellow kids were not amused.

Part of the deal I did not know I was making with the world was that I had to be as pleasing as possible to everyone at all times and that meant not only never expressing anger at all, but not expressing any negative emotions whatsoever.

After all, I was doing my damnedest to make people happy so they would want to stay around me and not flee like everyone else did.

And nobody wants to be around a grumpy fox!

Or so I used to think.

I get now that things are not quite so simple, nor are they really that severe. People express negative things to one another all the time. It’s called ‘venting’ and it’s one of those things that people who are at least somewhat fond of each other do for one another on a generalized quid pro quo  basis.

A ‘you listen to me rant and I will listen to you rant’, sort of thing.

The important difference between that and my father’s short temper is that venting is not directed at the listener,. It’s directed at some third party who is not present.

And that’s what makes it something people can do for one another, within reasonable limits. The venter gets emotional release and the listener gets a little vacarious experience and possibly a little catharsis of their own.

So my childhood setup of “be as pleasant as possible at all times or people will realize how horrible you are and flee screaming’ is, to put it mildly, out of date.

I have also made it past the point of fearing my massive inner rage reserve so much that I am afraid to so much as touch it for fear it will explode and take my sanity and quite possibly my freedom with it.

After all, if I go crazy, I would probably hurt people.

And they lock you up for that sort of thing.

But I see that whole line of thinking as bullshit now. I might not have the majority of my marbles but my sanity is not so fragile that it could be blown to pieces by an act of mind.

You can’t think yourself crazy, is what I am saying. That’s just another of depression’s lies. Even an unbalanced mind like my own has mechanisms to rebalance itself in case of extreme mental events.

The worst that can happen is that you will have a bad period where life is not very fun because now you have to process all that emotion you unleashed.

But to leap from that to “definite murder spree” is laughably absurd.

I might feel like it for a few moments. But that doesn’t mean I would do it.

So I guess you could say anger and I are becoming better acquainted. We’re still not best buds by any means, but we’re at least in the same room and can exchange cordial yet strained pleasantries with one another.

We will get there.

I am also more open to the idea of venting on a stranger than before. Not to the point of becoming a horrid troll (although, if the Internet has been around when I was a teenager….) but just to the point where I am willing to add my voice to public debate in a very strong and aggressive way.

And fuck’em if they can’t take it. Suck it up, buttercup. I know you’re not used to liberals who can match or exceed you in volume, rage, persistance, and impact, but I’m on the scene and you are just going to have to take the pacifier out of your mouth and grow the fuck up already.

I could have such fun with that kind of thing.

The best part for me, being the infinitely pervse critter that I am, would be that I would be forcing people who are used to just following whoever is the most “alpha’ to actually think about who they are following because now, there is a liberal pushing that button.

Thus I remove their ability to just “go with their gut” and force them to actually think about what they believe and why.

And that is, ultimately, the tricker’s true mission : to make people think. To wake them from their slumber so they can see things as they really are and make better choices that get them better lives.

I am not so crazed an old coyote that I think there is any value in just standing atop a hill screaming ‘Think, dammit!’ at passersby.

But there is worth in being the loud annoying beeping that warns you that you are about to drive off a cliff so WAKE UP AND STEER ALREADY.

And I know that if I adopt a full on aggressive political persona, it will piss off a lot of people, a lot of them my fellow liberals.

And I am one hundred percent fine with that. They need to wake up too, and stop being such pussies about everything.

These are dark and dangeous times and that calls for people who are willing to fight tooth and claw for what their believe and not give up until they win.

It’s time to stop being “nice” and start KICKING ASS.

And if that idea gives some liberals a quiver in the liver, they can stay at home and wring their hands at such unspeakable violence.

The real liberals and I will be too busy to care because we will be at war.

And that’s the bottom line, motherfuckers.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.