It was just another lunchtime trip to the bathroom for Vice President of Procuring Ned Anderson until he spotted the sign stuck to the door of one of the stalls.
In marvelously dextrous lettering on crisp white paper were written four words :
FREE BLOWJOBS
INQUIRE WITHIN
Ned stared at the sign for a good ten seconds, unable to believe what he was seeing. He ran through the usual possibilities in his mind.
Was he hallucinating, or dreaming? He pinched himself. Ow. Definitely not. Besides, he had never been able to read in a dream.
Was this a joke? If so, it was rather hard to see the point. Suppose there was some kind of jokester lurking behind the stall door. What would they say when he opened it?
“Ha ha, you like blowjobs!’? Well who didn’t?
No, there was only one solution to this mystery and that was to open the door.
So with the air of a horror movie charachter reaching for the doorknob of the closet where she just heard disturbingly wet sounds, Ned reached for the door, and opened it.
Inside sat a cheerful, round faced little man. He looked to Ned like something from box of tea. Or cookies.
Ned’s face fell at the sight.
“Tsk. Oh dear, I have already disappointed you. ‘” said the little man goodnaturedly. “But honestly,. did you really expect to find a leggy blonde with big tits in here? This is the MEN’s room after all. “
Ned frowned. “No…. I guess I didn’t. Honestly, I didn’t know what to expect. “
“And yet you opened the door anyway! How brave!” cooed the man. “But enough chitchat. Let’s get down to business. ”
The little man smiled beamingly at Ned. “Would you like me to suck your dick?”
Ned stood frozen in the doorway. A vrery loud voice in his head was demanding that he immediately close the door in the weird little pervert’s face and go immediately to report him to Security, or maybe even the police.
On the other hand, the whole thing was very intriguing to both Ned and his penis, which was already half erect.
The little man smiled again. “I assure you I am very good. Years of practice, you see. ”
Well, Ned said to himself, he had always prided himself on being “straight but not narrow”, and fancied himself to be the sort of person who is not afraid to try new things.
Granted, most of those new things were international cuisines, not an experiment in gay sex, but the principle remained the same.
The little man, sensing weakness, went in for the kill. “It can be our little secret. Nobody need ever know but you and I. ”
That settled it. Ned ducked into the stall and closed the door firmly behind him.
The little man practically crowed with delight. He deftly fished Ned’s cock out of his pants, admired it for a few seconds, gave it a long sniff like it was a fine cigar, then slipped it into his mouth.
Ned’s eyes flew wide, then closed in utter bliss.
It was a very different Ned who returned to his office after his longer than average trip to the men’s room.
“Geez, boss, what happened? You look like a bomb went off. ” said the man currently calling himself Rex Clique, Ned’s best friend and executive assistant.
“One kind of did. ” said Ned in a soft, dazed monotone.
“You have GOT to give me more than that. ” demanded Rex prissily.
“I honestly don’t know how to describe it. ” said Ned. He turned to Rex. “Rex…. have you ever had an experience so vast and profound that it boggles your mind?”
“Sure, at Coachella, but I didn’t think you were into those kinds of chemicals. ” said Rex.
“No no no, not drugs! ” Ned insisted. “I’m talking about something…BIGGER. ”
“Now I’m getting scared, Neddy Bear. What on Earth are you talking about?”
Ned turned fully to Rex and looked at him as if seeing him for the first time. He put a brotherly hand on Rex’s shoulder, and looked him in the eyes before saying “There is this guy in the men’s room…”
By the time Ned and Rex returned to the men’s room ten minutes later, there was already a line to get in.
They joined it.
Rex said. “so, all you fellows must need to use the bathroom real bad, huh?”
The men in line all nodded solemnly.
“Yup. ” said one man. “I can’t wait to get in there and empty my…. bladder. ”
“Wait, he does that too?” said another, then immediately got elbowed and shushed.
“Uh huh. ” said Rex. “You guys know there aren’t any women in there, right? No women in the MEN’s room?”
Some pretended to be shocked. Others got mad. The angry ones were evenly split between the ones who are angry about what Rex was implying, and the ones who were mad at Rex for thinking they needed to be told.
“Sorry guys. ” said Rex with a winning smile. “Just checking. ”
Rex returned to Ned, a Cheshire grin on his face.
“Neddy my boy. ” said Rex. “Something very interesting is going on here. My feelings are twitching like crazy. ”
“And look at all of the, um…,you know…. ” said Ned as he gestured vaguely in the direction of the lineup’s waistlines. Now that the afterglow had worn off, Ned had regained some of his customary bashfulness.
Rex surveyed the line. “My god, you’re right. I have never seen so many clothed erections in my life. Every man here is hard as a steel spike!”
Rex paused a moment. “Do you suppose they reinforce one another like some kind of erectile standing wave?”
Ned just grinned and blushed the way he always did.
As they moved towards the front of the line, they were able to observe the expressions on the faces of the men coming out.
“This changed everything!” said one before dashing away.
“Oh man, fuck religion. ” said another.
“It was a woman. ” repeated a third to himself, varying to tone and emphasis as if trying to make himself believe it.
Finally, Ned and Rex reached the men’s room. The smell of semen was overwhelming. Mixed in were other male smells, like sweat and muscles and urine.
Finallly it was their turn. Just as Ned was fishing in its pants for his now once more iron rail hard cock, Rex walked up and slapped the little man’s face.
“Jesus, Rexie, what was that for?” said the little man as he rubbed his jaw.
“You know damned well what that was for, WENDELL. ” hissed Rex. “That was for STEALING MY IDEA!”
Wow, I finally wrote it.