Damn I love that song. So sweet, raw, and tender.

That’s my jam. dog.

Actually, it’s marmalade, but I’m not going to tell HIM that.

Don’t get the wrong idea from how sad that song is, though. I am not uber depressed or in danger or anything. Relax.

I am, however,. in a somewhat melancholy mood. And that’s cool. I like melancholy. I can do melancholy. I get along well with melancholy.

By the way. did you hear about the scientists who spliced watermelon DBA into a collie bitch so she could have some melon-collie babies?

See. I’m good/.

From what I can tell, my melancholy moods are part of my patent pending emotional processing system. Sometimes the slow digestion of all that frozen emotion needs a lot of my mental resources and that shift in energetic priorities puts me in a thoughtful and introspective mood as my inner world asserts priority.

It can do that whenever it wants, and the conscious me has no choice but to scramble to cope however it can.

Such is the cost of genius. All that deep, heavy processing might be tiring and sometimes very confusing to the conscious me,. but it’s also where all those ideas and insights and other processing heavy products come from.

It’s like when you are playing a game on your PC when suddenly the performance takes a nosedive because the operating system has chosen this moment to start defragging the hard drive or something, and all you can do is wait for it to finish.

I’m not the only one that happens to…. right?

I mean, no wonder so many of us genii go nuts. Society is, naturally. built for the center of the bell curve and not us extreme outliers. Therefore, the public education, both formal and informal, that we receive contains no information about how to cope with having the sort of mind I have.

And people being how they are, the question, “How do I cope with being incredibly intelligent?” is unlikely to provoke a sympathetic response from most people/

Even though it’s a real problem for those such as me and I, your fellow human being, am in genuine need of guidance on how to deal with very real pain, people won’t hear that. They will just hear. “I’m smarter than you!” and stop listening.

The only people who won’t react that way are people as smart as I am, I guess.

I am sure they are out there somewhere.

And the only word for this phenomenon is jealousy. I feel like an asshole for saying so, but it’s true. If people are jealous of you, they have no compassion for you, even though you did absolutely nothing wrong.

And I know this from personal experience. I was the target and victim of the jealousy of others all throughout my childhood. Those bullies that tormented me weren’t merely opportunistic sadists. They were getting back at me for making them feel stupid in class. even though I never meant to do so and did absolutely nothing but be myself.

I have never lorded my intelligence over anyone ever. It’s not in my nature. The idea of it nauseates me. I want people to be happy and harmonious and deliberately hurting anyone in anything but self-defense or the defense of others is the opposite of that.

It might be said that I had a smug and arrogant attitude about my schoolwork, but in my defense. I was too socially clueless to understand that this hurts others.

I certainly never meant to hurt anyone. If I had known I was hurting people, I would have learned to tone it down a little.

I will always be proud of my smarts, but I don’t have to be a dick about it, even passively and in total innocence.

That doesn’t change the fundamental unfairness of being hated and discriminated against because of the jealousy of others – especially from my teachers.

I have talked before about how teachers did absolutely nothing in the face of all the bullying I got because they didn’t like me either.

Well, jealous and resentment was a big part of that.

This has made me realize that disgust is not the only negater of compassion. Jealousy subtracts from it too.

Imagine this scenario : a small boy has just received a savage beating from his drunk and drooling father while his mother cried in the corner and did nothing to help him because she didn’t want to get beaten herself.

Do you feel feel compassion for this bruised and battered boy, blood dripping down his face, crying his eyes out in utter despair as he hides from his own father?

Of course you do.

But what if you knew that this child was the son of a billionaire, and had grown up living a life of luxury and privilege you couldn’t even dream of? What if you knew he had a bedroom bigger than your entire apartment, every toy he ever wanted, a team of personal servants devoted to his every need, and ate and dressed better than you ever will no matter how long you live?

It shouldn’t matter, should it? But it does.

And you might well say, “Hey, at least he’s still rich!”.

And that’s true.

He’s also still crying.

And he’s still bleeding.

And he’s still scared out of his mind.

And this event is still going to scar him for life both physically and mentally.

So why should his socioeconomic status make the slightest difference in how much you care about his plight?

Do you really think that there are toys so fun or food so good or bedsheets so soft that they make what happened any better?

Do you really think that he is better off than a kid growing up in a trailer park to whom the exact same thing happened?

Is your jealousy really more important than the suffering of a child?

See, this is why rich people think everyone hates them. Imagine if you knew, deep down, that you could get crushed by a meteor tomorrow and nobody would care?

Well that’s the kind of thing that happened to me over and over ibn my childhood. You just have to replace wealth with IQ.

I did nothing wrong. And yet, jealous made people hate me, including my teachers. Because they hated me, I was severly bullied and nobody gave a shit.

In fact, they approved. They wanted me to suffer for making them feel dumb too.

How could that possibly be fair?

How can that possibly be right?

Answer : it can’t be.

And I think we need to figure out what to do about this.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.