I really should be eating right now.

But i have no appetite. Negative appetite, really – the thought of food and eating is quite repulsive to me at the moment.

I had planned on ordering in as a little treat for myself. I could use a treat to compensate for how sick I feel. But my anti-appetite will not allow that.

Oh well, if the last few days have taught me anything, it is that my appetite can come roaring back at any second, and then I will be really really hungry, so I willl just wait.

But I’ve got to get it done. My body needs all the fuel and vitamins it can get in order to fight off this infection. We are what we eat, after all.

So I will gently and kindly puck-handle my way towards eating.

Might order in, might not. Depends on if I feel like I will stay hungry long enough, as well as if I can stand to wait that long when the hunger strikes.

Maybe a snack to keep me from going insane while I wait for food. Could work.

One bit of good news (grossness alert, skip the next three paragraphs if easily grossed out), at some point, the lesion self-perforated and let out all the pus that was building up under the lesion. Therefore that nasty stuff isn’t building up under there any more, so neither is the pressure inside the wound.

That has radically reduced the moment-to-moment discomfort from the damned thing. So that’s a big plus. It’s still a nasty thing I will get looked at ASAP, but the slowly building hot pain of it is over.

I just have to wipe the thing off now and then. Oh, and the pus is clear, which is a good sign. Means the infection isn’t too severe.

I had originally planned to get Joe to drop me off at the ER today. I have to go to the ER for this because the walk-in clinics are terrible and once more, nobody at my doctor’s office is answering the fucking phone.

I really need a new GP. But finding a new one is so daunting for me. I can get a list of all the local doctors, but where do I go from there?

I need more information before I can reach a conclusion, dammit.

I am beginning to get hungry, thank goodness. When I hit 500 words, I will stop and order myself some sushi.

It’s got to be sushi becaise what my body craves right now is meat and vegetables.

I suppose I could get Chinese, but all the places I know around here have some weird catch. Like they won’t deliver at all unless you order $25/more. Or they don’t have any combo meals for one any more, which means I would have to order full orders of many things to get what I want. Or its “Shanghai style’ and I don’t recognize a single dish, or the online menu has no English on it, or their prices assume you are ordering for your entire huge Chinese family and are therefore super high.

Still, I can at least check to see if SkipTheDishes has any new places.

Today has been rough. The way this current illness works is that I have long periods – I’ve been thinking of them as “burns”, in the spaceglight sense of the word – where I am burning up inside and I feel very nauseous and I get attacks of vertigo and I am pretty god damned miserable.

Dammit. No Chinese food. They still all have a catch.

Anyhow, after a burn, there is an afterburn period, where I actually feel pretty good. Better than average, really.

I’ve experienced this before. Call it the afterglow. When you have been in pain for a long time and then the pain suddenly stops. all you are left with is a bloodstream full of endorphines that your body producted to deal with the pain.

This produces a pleasant and extremely natural period of mild euphoria.

Sadly, your endocrine system immediately gets to work scrubbing those extra endophines from your bloodstream in order to get you back to ‘normal’.

I want mild euphoria to BE my normal, dammit.

All of this reminds me of the carbuncle incident from years back.

For those who do not know, many many years ago, I discovered a grown on the back of my neck. I knew it was probably a bad thing, but it didn’t hurt and I could ignore it most of the time, so I didn’t take it seriously.

I can be such a dumbass.

Luckily, one sunny day, I decided to go to my doctor and have him take a look at it.

More or less on a whim.

He took one look at it and told me to go directly to the ER to have it excised. No side trips.No going back to the apartment. GO NOW AND DO.

Jagoff that I still was, I thought he was overreacting, but I took it to the ER anyhow. While there, I learned that the thing on my neck was called a carbuncle and that it was good that I had come to the ER because “it looked ready to pop”.

Later, I found out that when a carbuncle pops, it can shoot all its collected infectious and toxic good right into your bloodstream and kill you within minutes.

And you don’t exactly go peacefully in your sleep.

So yeah, I am going to get this damned thing looked at. ASAP. In fact, I feel pretty stuid for delaying it a day just because I didn’t have clean clothes.

But the thing is, I simply cannot put on dirty clothes. It’s too damned close. The only time I ever do it is when I can’t afford to use up my last clean pair of pants and all I am doing is answering the door.

Even then, I feel super gross and scuzzy after.

Well the problem is solved. I have clean laundry now and tomorrow I shall throw myself into the jaws of the local emergency room.

May God have mercy on my soul.

I iwll talk to you nice people again tomorrow.