It does not exist.
Time to lay a little high quality cynicism on your asses.
We have all been there. You do nice things for people. You’re always there for them when they need you. You selflessly sacrifice of yourself for them.
All with the certainty that they appreciate all you do for them and that if ever you need something from them, they will not hesitate to give back.
Because that gratitude you think you have been banking ain’t there. When you thought you were establishing a bank account with interest, all you were really doing was establishing that you do everything without expecting anything in return, and the person you think will be grateful likes things fine that way.
Not that they are necessarily bad people. Even the best of people will stop offering gratitude and.or reciprocation if you keep turning it down. What you saw as being an awesome unselfish person they saw (and felt) as you being a nice person with no respect for themselves who rejected their gratitude and seems eager to be everybody’s doormat and so while they might like you, they do not respect you.
And so it’s easy to do exactly what all your selflessness has been begging them to do, and take you for granted, never giving a thought to your own needs.
And that’s fine, you tell yourself. That only proves what a super amazing friend you are. Surely that means they will be there when you need them!
But again, nerp. When you finally get around to asking for something, from their point of view, you are suddenly changing the terms of the relationship out of view, and the easiest thing in the world to do is put things back to normal by saying no.
You made it clear you wanted and needed nothing. And now you want something?
How very strange. Um…. no.
Now this isn’t some embittered anti-niceness tirade. Being nice to people is great and I heartily recommend it to one and all. It’s the way I choose to live and it’s a vitally important part of who I am.
The problem isn’t the niceness, it’s the selflessness. It is never a good idea who emotionally invest in something you, by yourself, have just assumed was there without ever talking to the other person about it.
It’s an easy trap for us shy folk to fall into. It’s also extremely deadly.
Especially when it comes to gratitude and selflessness.
See, I remember the topic!
The trick is to rid yourself of the habit of self-minimizing. By that I mean always saying things like “think nothing of it’ or ”I was happy to help” or “no problem” when you do something for someone.
Also strike these phrases from your vocab : “Oh, either is fine with me. ” “Oh, whatever you have is fine. ” “I don’t want to be a burden. ” And so on.
These things all say “my needs and desires are not important and I am actively encouraging you to discard them now and forever. ”
That doesn’t mean you have to become bossy and demanding and selfish. It just means you have to stop giving those “ignore me” signals.
Often, people treat you how you tell them to treat you.
So stop telling them you don’t matter!
As usual, I will be back later.
I’m such a complicated guy.
Not a huge amount of medical adventure today. Got more of the big kneecap-covering bandages, which is good.
I failed to ask for more on Sunday, meaning the one I was wearing got, um…. full. So I had to take it off.
It was…. *shudder*.
In fact, those bandages get so disgusting that it presented me with a strange problem I find amusing.
The first time I took one off, I didn’t know what to do with it. It was far too disgusting for me to even contemplate throwing it in the trash, and yet I had no idea if the damned thing was safe to flush.
Event I just flushed it and prayed. I’ve flushed a bunch of them now.
So far so good!
The IV antibiotics thing went off without a hitch. It’s becoming routine. I am trying to learn the names of my favorite nurses.
It’s rough going. I am not good with names. But I am determined to do it.
Oh, Lois is always there when I am though. Weird that I remember her name and not the name of any of my nurses.
I will learn them if it kills me! They are nice people who treat me well. I need all of those in my life that I can get.
One thing I can say for sure : that ER rocks my world. The whole place is both efficient and relaxed, and I am so totally down with that.
Relaxed efficiency is like, my #lifegoal
Oh, and about the whole infectious disease specialist thing : I was told I “missed” him, and that if I wanted my medically mandated consultation with him, I should come to the ER in the morning, where he “usually” shows up “around” nine and hangs around “for a couple of hours”.
And I thought, ahhh. that’s more like the specialists I have known/.
So now I gotta haul my ass into the ER at 9 am. Lovely. I am usually asleep then, so this should be fun.
At least the 407 bus can take me there. I don’t relish the thought of paying $10 each way for a cab. And I can hardly expect Joe to get up early in the morning to drive me there and pick me up after.
It will be….. an adventure.
That sounds better than my first choice, “a huge pain in the ass hassle fosted upon a helpless sick person by a specialist too precious to ‘do’ afternoon. ”
Yup. Sure glad I didn’t go with that one.
It would have made me sound like a total #asshole!
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.