Total insomnia. Can’t even get within a nautical mile of sleep. Feel very wound up and tense and irritable.
Not a great start to my day. Not only am I frustrated by lack of sleep, I know that when this particular fit ends, I will be super sleepy and need to sleep a lot.
And that’s a bitch because I have IV antibiotics in the afternoon and FRED tonight and then hanging out here after FRED with Le Gang and honestly, I am exhausted just thinking about all the spoons that will take.
There is no convenient long stretch of time for me to catch up on sleep, either.
I fear something’s gotta give.
And the only thing that could give is FRED and I really, really don’t want that to happen. I really want some social time,and I have been looking forward to this FRED for exactly that reason. I feel so cooped up!
Like some kind of….. chicken.
Also, logistically speaking, if I don’t go to FRED, I won’t get to do my usual Sunday shopping, and that will unleash a whole shitstorm of problems.
And yet, I don’t really feel up to doing FRED, either. I wish we could just do Denny’s like we did last Sunday. Just me and Le Gang and a relaxed and informal dining experience. That sounds real good right now.
FRED, on the other hand, involves a much higher level of both noise and social stimulation. It usually takes me a certain application of will to get me over the jitters before I go to FRED even when I am healthy.
I am not sure I have that torque to apply as I am right now, sick and tired.
Well there is no need to decide just yet. I will concentrate on making it through the whole IV antibiotics thing first and then see how I feel after.
Who knows, maybe I will get my second wind.
I hate all this bullshit. The daily trips to the hospital I can handle. It’s all quite routine to me now. Get my ‘big pink sheet (looks more liked purple to me) at Registration, put it in the designated tray at Treatment, wait for the nurse to come round and hook up my IV, then relax for a while.
Takes about half an hour for the drug to go in, then maybe ten minutes for the flush afterwards, then if there is nothing else I can go.
Speaking of the ol’ war wound, I took a look at it when I changed the dressing this morning (was Caesar, is now Ranch) and was quite pleased to see that a whole bunch more of it has gone white and translucent.
White and translucent means it is now dead tissue and will come off when the wound care nurse looks after it tomorrow.
And I am pretty sure that means the thing is healing up quite nicely. After all, if my leg is to go back to normal, that enormous whatever on my leg (abcess? tumour? flesh demon?) on my leg has to go, and how else would that happen except that the tissue of it would die and presumably slough off eventually?
So the good news is, I think I am on the mend. In my opinion, the infection is gone and the wound is drying up and blowing away.
And on that happy note – I will be back later, after the quite possibly no longer actually needed IV antibiotic treatment.
Back from the IV antibiotics. FRED is still seeming iffy. Right now I do not feel very good but that is probably due to the heat, so I am going to sit here, hydrate, and blog.
Ah, the eternal summer conflict : I want the fan on high to keep me cool, but I also want to listen to my music. And I don’t want to have to crank the volume of the music in order to hear it over the fan.
And really, it’s exceptionally cruel of the universe to make me choose between my music and heatstroke.
Which will he choose? The answer may surprise you.
I am starting to feel better. Maybe I will make FRED after all.
Either way, I am covered. I had the wisdom and forethought to ask Joe and Julian to take me to Price-mart on the way home so I could do my Sunday shopping before FRED. So that’s no longer a factor.
Oh, right. I better confess this now before it can lie in my head and fester any longer : last night I pulled a dumdum.
I forgot that I had paid for my Subway online, with the credit card, and paid the delivery guy for it as well.
Presumably he thought I was just a super generous tipper.
Which is slightly less than honest of him. I have made that mistake a couple times before and the driver was honest enough to tell me that I had already paid, and thus saved me from making a costly mistake.
Not this guy. Not that it is his responsibility to protect me from being a dumbass. It’s still my fault. And he came across as a total bro, so it’s possible that the sort of complex thought required to make that call is not his forte.
I can relate. It’s not really mine either.
As far as I cna tell, there is no way to get my money back. No way to even prove I gave it to him, for that matter. He could deny everything and I would be up shit crick.
So I will just chalk that up as a $17 lesson in paying attention and leave it at that.
I wish I could focus on the world as tightly and deeply as I focus on a video game or whatever I am writing. But I guess there’s internal deep focus, and there’;s environmental awareness, and the better you are at one, the worse you are at the other, like it’s some kind of spectrum.
That’s why what I really need is an assistant. One who’s everything I am not – highly focused, super competent, very organized, and above all, alert.
With someone like that, I could minimize the amount of stupid mistakes I make and concetrate entirely on pour my super concentrated mega awesomeness into the world.
Let it flow where it may!
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.