Let’s talk energy. The personal kind.
This hypercharged mind of mine has always produced enormous amounts of mental energy. I crackle with intelligence 24/7.
That must be what causes people who have only known me five minutes to say something like “You’re obviously extremely intelligent….”.
I mean, that doesn’t happen all the time, but it’s happened a bunch of times.
I have always lived in the center of the massive electrical generator that is this megavolt mind of mine, bathed in its radiation, and entirely used to having enormous reserves of mental power to call upon in whatever I do.
And to tell you the truth, that’s pretty awesome.
But it has a downside.
Living in all that radiation is not good for me. It has caused me to become somewhat of a mutant, and not one of the pretty kind that work for Charlex Xavier either.
More of the post-apocalyptic kind.
It’s made me a very weird little duckie indeed. I operate on an entirely different level from most people and it’s made it hella hard to connect with and relate to most average, everyday people.
But that’s not the worst part.
The worst part is that I have never in my life found a way to use all or most of that energy. I generate enough to power a small city but barely use enough to keep the lights on in a one bedroom apartment.
And when you produce so much more energy than you could ever use, that shit builds up and causes innumerable problems.
For one thing, random discharges happen all the time. They manifest as emotional instability, mood swings, paranoia. and of course, bouts of self-loathing.
That’s what happens when this shit discarges inwards instead of outwards.
And that’s very bad. I have known that this overcharge is the power core of my depression for a long time, but I honestly don’t know what to do about it.
It doesn’t help that so many things have been so easy for me. Acing tests that I didn’t even know were coming. Getting A’s on essays I didn’t even proofread. Just sat down and wrote the thing. Getting high praise for scripts I wrote the same way.
I can do these things preciselty because I have all this surplus mental energy. As a result, I have always been able get by – excel even – with minimal effort.
So those overcharged batteries of mine never experience any real drain. The surplus remains, with all its ill effects.
I have always (at least until now) worked harder than necessary. And due to my gifts, I have never had to work very hard at all.
On some level, I think I have been waiting for more to be asked of me for my whole life. As I progressed through the school system. there was always the hope that the next grade would be the one where things got difficult enough for me to keep my attention and make me focus.
But nope. Not even college did that. No pain, no strain, no drain. Minimal effort, maximum result, and I am not even trying very hard.
Ergo, it’s hard for me to even imagine what task would actually be the right fit for my raw power and abilities.
I think perhaps I may need to invent it myself.
Just wrote this on Facebook :
Me, doing some much needed venting, today, September 1 2019
“Let me try speaking to these guys in Man Bro : Hey assholes! Get the fuck over yourselves, you whiny candyass bitches. Not everything is about you, get over it. Suck it up, buttercup : WOMEN ARE PEOPLE, and do not exist solely entirely to meet your needs any more than you exist entirely to meet theirs. Clean yourself up. put on clean clothes. and go meet women. Somewhere out there is the girl for you but you won’t ever meet her wallowing in a warm pool of your own butthurt wounded privilege on some incel message board. Get out there, meet women, and play the dating lottery until you come up a winner. Oh, and here’s the only “how to get women” advice worth a damn : treat them like people. They love that shit. “
Upon rereading, I wish that I had not drifted into dating advice. That was not the point I set out to make. But patient readers know I rarely end up at my chosen destination.
It’s kind of like Doctor Who and the TARDIS. The Doctor rarely ends up where and when he intended, but always ends up some place he is needed.
In my case, I always end up expressing something I need to express. It’s just rare that I end up expressing the something I set out to express.
So it kind of balances out. Whatever I meant to express will probably eventually be expressed when I am trying to express something totally different.
It all comes full circle in the end.
The point I was trying to make was that a lot of these dudes honestly and sincerely need to stop whining about how women won’t fuck them when if they were to take a good look at their lives. they’ll see that the ladies aren’t even getting a chance.
You can’t win the lottery if you never buy a ticket, dudes.
Plus, it was meant to be an experiment in using the hyper-macho unreconstructed language of drill seargents and right wing talk show hosts as a force for good.
That would make for a nice change, n’est-ce pas?
Ditto for the heavily moralistic language the evangelical types love. One of the biggest mistakes liberals make is to avoid using the tools the forces of evil use out of some misguided idea of moral purity.
Fuck that. Do what they do….. but with the right message. Do what you know damned well works on their audience and to hell with what their pundits think.
We’re trying to save tghe world here. When your grandkids ask you why you didn’t do more to prevent the End Times, do you really want your answer to be, “Well I didn’t want to seem mean”?
Or worse, “I was too scared of the mean things the right wing would say about me”?
Give me a fucking break.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.