I’m starting to think that the secret to unlocking my true potential is to simply get used to fucking up on a regular basis.
The latest error : I was at the pharmacist to get my psych meds (Wllburtrin, Paxil, and Mirtazapine for sleep) and I had just run out of Metformin, so I figured it must be time for my diabetes meds to be refilled too.
My pharmacist told me that I had last gotten those filled in late September and therefore were not due until December.
Curious. I assumed I must have misplaced a bottle back home, so when I got home I looked for it….. and found a bag with like every med I take in it.
Only then did I remember getting these things refilled and sticking the bag under my desk because I didn’t need the refilled just yet.
And then promptly forgot all about that, leading to today’s debacle.
But the worst is yet to come. Because in addition to all my usual non-psych meds, there was Ramipril, a blood pressure medication, which I was supposed to be taking all this time but got forgotten with everything else in the beg.
And I am so. fucking. sick of this shit.
I try so hard not to make these kinds of mistakes and they just keep happening anyway. Life is just going to keep stomping on my head this way and there is not a goddamned thing I can do about it because I am absentminded to a near-disability degree.
And it’s only getting worse.
My only avenue of escape is to just lie back and get used to it, I suppose. Adjust to the reality that no matter how hard I try, I can’t keep these mental errors from happening, so all I can do is adapt to them.
That would involve forgiving myself for them, and that… is a very tall order.
Self-forgiveness is a tough row to hoe for me. I have too much internalized anger for that. Inside me lies a very angry, very malicious, very dishonest and underhanded prosecutor that misses no opportunity to take out its (my) rage at myself.
I call it my overweaning superego, mostly because I like how it sounds. And until I get that son of a bitch under control, forgiving myself for things will be very hard to do.
Maybe I need to impeach him. That makes way too much sense.
He is certainly unfit for office. He lies, he cheats, he pretends to be other voices in my head, he steals my motivation, punishes non-crimes, and seethes with obvious malice and ill will. He almost never does his job correctly and when he does it’s a fluke.
He’s not a very happy person either. So honestly. the best thing for him and me would be if he was put out to pasture somewhere quiet where he can vent his horribl rage all he wants without hurting anybody, including me.
At the very least, he needs to be retrained and given a job with less responsibility, like say being a security guard to legit keep me safe, as opposed to now, when I am in far more danger from him than from any external threat.
Hmmm. Seems like a good idea. I will start to paperwork on it and we’ll see how it goes.
Of course, that means I need to find a replacement…..
More after the break.
An embarrassment of riches
In the neatly symmetrical opposite of the previous time buying a bundle of games on the cheap, this time my problem isn’t that none of them are good…. it’s that they all are!
Not a clunker in the bunch. I would be lying is I said I liked them all equally, but they are all pretty interesting and pretty good.
Here’s some quick impressions of the first 3 of 7 :
Another World. No, not the soap opera. More’s the pity.
I mean, how would that even work?
No,. it’s a re-release of a sleeper hit from 1991 I knew as Out Of This World.
The game blew my mind way back then. There was nothing else even remotely like it in 1991. It was dramatic, it was cinematic, the animation was way beyond what other games had, it had a plot, brilliantly simple controls, and really made me feel like I was on an adventure.
Playing it again, I am not as impressed by the graphics,. but I am still thrilled by the smooth animation, unpredictable and original plot, and the whole magical exciting feel of the game.
There’s still nothing else quite like it. A+, man.
Dead Secret. My expectations for this game were extremely low.
And for good reason. The description said it was a first person horror game, and I have had absolutely no luck with those. The ones I have tried either have terrible graphics or a terrible interface or both, plus bad voice acting and even worse writing.
But god damn it, Dead Secret is good. Imagine that.
It hooked me right away and did not let go. The puzzles are exactly hard enough for me to feel like I have figured something out when I solve them, but not so hard that they make me quit out of frustration.
And it’s pretty damn scary. And I am not easy to scare. But the first person aspect really puts you in the scene and it’s scary as hell.
Another A+ recommend.
Sky Break. This game is odd.
But in a good way. In the game, the human empire is being ravaged by a plague and the cure may be found on a super dangerous planet.
You are part of a delegation that was sent to find the cure. Of course, your spaceship crashes and you have to make it on your own.
So far, I am enjoying this crazy trip. The world of it feels real, and the unique aspect of being able to resurrect fallen enemies in your service for a time appeals to me.
I haven’t played it enough to give it a real grade, but so far so good!
I will do the other 4 tomorrow. Now I want to talk about my problem.
This is one of those problems that is good to have – too many good games to play!
As patient readers know, I have an option paralysis issue. I sometimes find it extremely hard to make decisions. I usually handle this by making sure I am not presented with a long list of options very often.
But now here I am with a whole bunch of good games to play, and only so much time, so now I have to pick and choose.
I am probably just going to go with my gut on this. Whatever games make me want to play them more will get played. The rest will get uninstalled and remain in my Steam Library until I feel like playing them again.
I find the prospect of deliberately choosing unreason like that quite thrilling. This is definitely a situation where reason just plain flat out can’t help. There is no strictly logical reason to play Game X over Game Y.
It’s entirely a matter of my own amusement.
And there’s nothing reasonable about that.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.