Now that I have your attention, I would like to talk to you about insurance. Have you given thought to what a burden your funeral costs will be to your loved once right when they need all their money to pay off your assassin?

Just kidding. This blog entry is, quite seriously, about Nazi sex dolls. ^[1]

Turns out that, in order to keep the Nazi stormtroopers from picking up nasty diseases from those filthy old French whores, the Third (and least sexy) Reich decided to bring the power, brilliance, and and economy of the German industrial machine to the problem of the soldier’s need for some good old fashioned kraut-hammering while away from their fraus, and commissioned the manufacture of “gynoids”, or German sex dolls, for der dippen of der wikken.

I would love to get one. That would definitely be a major coup for any perverted collector, and I am at least half that.

Of course, being German, they were to be made as realistic and high-performance as possible, with “organs” that felt exactly like the real thing.

Now I am picturing a very serious and earnest German scientist with a very dutiful and obliging female assistant and an early “organ” model, sticking his shlong in one, looking thoughtful, then sticking it in the other, and taking copious notes, all, of course, while being watched by those helpful men from the SS.

“How is it, Herr Doktor Hundfrikken?”
“Ve are getting closer. Herr Doktor Anuslecken. This time, I can barely feel the seams at all, and the caulking is holding well. Now all we need is to teach it to wash my lederhosen and complain about me to its mother, and my wife will be out of a job!”

And then, the hearty German laughter.

Of course, they were made to match the Aryan stereotype. Tall, pale, blonde. blue-eyed, and like the real Aryan race, entirely fake and made up of artificial parts and the fantasies of little bows pretending to be grownups.

The article is filled with choice quotes like this one :

”The doll has only one purpose and she should never become a substitute for the honourable mother at home… When the soldier makes love to Borghild, it has nothing to do with love. Therefore the face of our anthropomorphic sexmachine should be exactly how Weininger described the common wanton’s face.”

Wow, what is German for “Madonna-Whore Complex”? Remember, these are only to be used for sex, so make sure they don’t look a thing like our good, pure, nonsexual Mothers, and should instead just like filthy, disgusting, wanton whores… so they will turn us on.

I have been saying that fascism is inherently childish for a while now, and this stuff certainly confirms it. It reflects a little boy’s view of the world, where there are Mommies, who are Good, and Girls, who are icky.

Essentially, it is the same view of the world that makes little boys build clubhouses with “no girls allowed” signs on them, with only the absolute minimum acknowledgement of the post-puberty reality of the desire for sex possible.

When you realize this, suddenly all those Old Boys fighting to keep women out of their fancy men’s clubs in the past makes a lot more sense. They are just doing exactly what they did as little boys, but with the money and power of adults.

And how about this little scene :

The idea of our hairdresser to give the doll a “Schneckenfrisur”(earphones of hair) was rejected by Hannussen. He wanted her to have “a boyish hair-do” to underline that Borghild was “part of the fighting forces”– a field-whore and not an honourable Mother.

Apparently, the hairdresser wanted the dolls to look like Princess Leia.

Or possibly “earphones of hair” means something else and the problem is in the translation.

But speaking of homoeroticism, hoo boy, nice work that, Hannussen, claiming you wanted the doll to have “boyish” hair because you wanted to “underline” that they were part of the “fighting force”. Sure. That makes sense.

Or maybe you just wanted to be able to fuck them from behind and pretend you were doing the nasty with a pretty boy instead of a gross and grody girl, huh?

Life must have been rough for Nazi homos. All those hot men being super butch in those sexy uniforms, and if you do anything with them, it’s Auschwitz for you.

But with the right sex doll….. 😛