Well, here I go. Time to list my assets in order to remind myself that I have some. And further, that they are, in fact, quite substantial.
I know this might seem like pure masturbation of the ego, but it it serves a higher purpose : to fight the voices in my head that tell me I am a horrible toxic waste of a human being who is a massive liability to all of humanity in general and to those unfortunate enough to know me in particular.
So consider this the opposite of, um…. that.
This time I want to very specifically re-imagine all my gifts as assets – like they are money in the bank just waiting for me to spend it.
I think this will actualize them for me in ways other metaphors cannot.
Might as well start off with that big old brain of mine. Ever since I learned to read before I turned three years old, I have known that I was gifted. And way back then, I sure as heck liked all the attention it got me.
And yes, nobody ever treated my gifted mind like an asset once I got to school, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t one. Neither does the fact that I do not currently have a way of using it to make me some money.
It is a massive and substantial asset nonetheless. When it comes to selling one’s talents in the open marketplace, my intellect alone makes me worth a lot of money. In the right position, I could be one hell of an employee. Not only would I be good at my job, I would gladly help those above me advance their careers in return for various little perks and privileges and, of course, lots of cash.
And it’s not just raw brain power. It also comes with a high degree of creativity and problem solving acumen. I see solutions where others only see problems. Issues that completely flummox most people I can solve within seconds. In many ways, this makes me downright magical.
And that includes human problems as well. I have a keen understanding of what makes people tick and often understand people better than they understand themselves. This lets me put together solutions in which the human factors are front and center.
That alone puts me ahead of a lot of supposed gurus out there.
Plus I have a certain instinct for strategy. Not in the chess playing sense. More like a ruthless application of those creative problem solving skills. I could totally help my chosen mentor outmaneuver the other corporate sharks to advance their career.
And of course, as they rise, so would I.
And the best part is that I don’t give a shit about status, careers, who’s on top, or any of that corporate bullshit. To me, a successful career is one that gives me the lifestyle I want. Good pay and good perks are enough for me. I would be perfectly happy to play second fiddle to my patron’s ambitions.
I don’t need power, rank, a key to the executive bathroom, a corner office, or a gold plated limo. Just plenty of cash and comfort and pleasure.
I would even be willing to be my patron’s secret weapon. Someone nobody knows about but them, just a shadowy figure they bring problems to on the down-low.
In fact, I would find that highly amusing.
So yeah. I could be a massive asset to the right person.
But where the heck would I find them?
More after the break.
Weird how a list of my assets turned into this weird corporate fantasy, isn’t it?
More than half of that is stuff that has been bubbling on the slow back burner of my id for a long time now. A dream of how I could make myself useful in the world in a way that would make me happy and that seems roughly plausible.
Of course, I would have to meet this patron somehow, and convince them to take a chance on me. Neither of those are easy tasks.
Especially that first one. Meeting them. Rather hard to do when one is paralyzed by social anxiety as I am.
I wonder if there is some weird little corner of the internet where I could post a rather specific kind of personal ad or “job wanted” posting.
Available for hire, one extraordinary genius. Sees solutions where others only see problems, solves tricky issues with miraculous ease, plans next-level strategic moves as a matter of course, and understands people better than they understand themselves. All available to you right now for the low, low price of a luxurious lifestyle and, of course, gobs and gobs for cash. Has no use for status, power, or “success”. Perfectly willing to let you take all the credits for all his brilliant ideas. Astound your friends. Out-think your rivals. Rise like a rocket in the hierarchy of your choice. And all you have to do is give him a luxurious, elite lifestyle and, and I cannot stress this enough, loads of cash. Let me be your genie and I will make all your wishes come true! Contact….
And so forth and so on
It’s a nice little fantasy, anyhow. And it makes me feel like I have something to contribute, which was the whole idea of this exercise anyhow.
Does so better than just another listing of my gifts, to be honest. I know the list fairly well by now and that helps a lot but it doesn’t solve the problem of fighting back against my irrationally abysmal self worth and the bad tapes in my head that support it.
I need new tapes. Ones that remind me that despite what the negative pressure in my head tries to tell me, I am and always have been an amazingly gifted, talented person who has a hell of a lot to contribute to the world.
All I really need is some way for me and the world to get together on this and make it happen for both our sake.
And I would love to say I am working on it.
But am I, really?
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.