So last night, I went to Pricemart to do my weekly shopping, and because I wanted to get my usual cookies, I went to Customer Service and told the lady there that might usual sugar free cookies were not where the used to be, and asked whether they had had just been moved to another part of the store.
And even before I finished talking, I knew I was in trouble, because she was doing that thing that people with insufficient English for their jobs do where they stare directly at your mouth and actually mouthe some of your words along with you.
That is a sure sign they are not actually following what you are saying and are just looking to parrot a few words back at you and hope that works.
But I didn’t even get that. Instead, in a very, very patronizing tone, she said “Nnnno.”
Well I guess I don’t get my goddamned cookies then. I took her at her word.
Fast forward to when I have got the rest of my purchases and am heading to the frozen confection center to get me some more of those Chapman sugar free delights when what do I come across but display with my cookies in it!
She didn’t even try to answer my question. She just said no in, again, the most patronizing way possible because she knew that would end the conversation and she could go back to sucking at her job.
And I don’t care that English was clearly not her first language. [1] You either speak the language well enough to do your job or you don’t, and there’s a lot of people in my area that don’t and try to fake it, and it pisses me off.
It would be one thing if they were simply honest about it instead of trying to bluff their way through it. If they were honest, I would cooperate with them by phrasing things simply, talking a little slower, and so on.
But no, presumably they told the job interviewer (who might also be ESL) that they spoke great English, and the interviewer didn’t know enough English to be able to know they were lying, and so now I have to deal with people who pretend to listen to me then just more or less guess at the right answer.
Popular gambits include :
- Not listening at all and then saying “No” at the end because that works more often than not and who cares whether actual communication occurred
- Just smiling at you after you finish speaking in hopes of getting you to say a bunch more things that might contain a word they know
- Nodding along like you understand then just launching into one of the English sentences you do know because who knows, it might apply
- Avoiding all eye contact then suddenly pretending like they were never talking to you and doing some busywork instead
- Trying with their eyes to make you turn to another employee while still nodding in apparent but bogus agreement
And I could go on and on.
Oh, and to top it all off, there was one lady ahead of me in the line for Customer Service, and the lady behind the counter dealt with HER in English, but like, a really simple pidgin English.
Screw you, Customer Service lady. Despite how it might appear, white people still live here and if you can’t speak English well enough to deal with us, then you are not qualified for your job.
More after the break.
Life is stupid
Not in the best of moods.
Right now, I feel cranky and bitter and resentful. Nothing is worth doing and I wish I could just disappear for a while and not have to deal with things at all.
If I was rich, this is when I would lose myself in a world of sin and excess. Just throw myself into mindless hedonism and hope to over saturate my depression with pure primal pleasure and thus force it to let me feel good, or at least, feel nothing.
There’d be a lot of butt stuff.
Instead, I sit here and get frustrated by whatever game I am playing and angry at the world in general and my life in particular and deal with the urge to throw my computer out the window, followed by myself.
Anything to break up the monotony of being myself.
Were I less of a shut-in, I suppose I would go to a gay bar, drink too much, hook up with random dudes, and end up lying in a gutter somewhere.
Not because I had to. Because I wanted to. Just to complete the tableau.
But as tempting as that scenario isn’t, the reality is that, for now, my mental illness prevents such debauchery.
Well, that and not having the money. But that can be worked around.
The most important thing, though, is to stay angry and cranky and bitter, because as unpleasant as those conditions might be, they are still better than internalizing the anger and having it become depression.
I might want to run screaming into the night but I don’t hate myself. I hate my life instead, and believe it or not, that is way, way healthier.
At least I am externalizing the anger for once.
Who knows, if I cultivate this restless, angry feeling enough, it might accumulate enough dark energy to break through the walls of ice within me and actually motivate to do something about my crappy life.
Because right now, that ain’t happening. All motivation to change hits this wall of numb terror and dead space, and I can’t go any further until that changes.
It’s like I am stuck in the video game of life. And there are no Wikis or FAQs or Walkthroughs to help me get unstuck.
There isn’t even a shitty YouTube video for me to impatiently follow.
I can read faster than I can watch, people!
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.