God damn it, Reactine, this massive allergy attack I am having is the very thing you are supposed to be preventing!
That’s the problem with the 24 hour antihistamines. They only offer 80 percent protection. So they work most of the time.. but not when you really need them,
I can only assume that we are experiencing some kind of spike in pollen count due to it being sort of Spring.
I say “sort of” because my mind refuses to believe that the word “Spring” can ever apply to any day in February. Even today, which is Leap Day.
More like “go take a flying leap” day, am I right?
Anyhow. Where was I?
Oh right. Time.
Earlier today, around 11:15 am, I looked at the time and sighed to myself because lunch was still 1.75 hours away, and I found myself dreading having to fill all that time.
And that’s when I realized I had slipped back into seeing time as a burden to be endured, a travail to be endured, rather than an opportunity to enjoy myself.
And that, my friends, is Bad.
It might be a way my depression occasionally forces me to think,but it is not a frame of mind of which I approve and I will always fight it whenever I find it.
Maybe that is ultimately self-defeating somehow, but what the hell, I am what I am.
Or as Popeye used to say,
I yam what I yam.
Popeye the sweet potato
Yup. I went there.
Now I know that the cure for seeing time as a burden is having things to look forward to. but that’s more complicated than it sounds when you have depression.
Because depression darkens your entire view of the world. It can turn even the most marvelous and joyful future events into negatives if you let it.
You’re basically looking at the world through shit-colored glasses, and surprise surprise, it makes everything look like shit.
As far as I can tell, the only cure for that would be to develop a general rather than specific form of optimism. One that involves fostering an a priori feeling that things are going to be okay in the future without the need for any proof or evidence.
You might recognize that as being the exact opposite of depression. And that might make the task seem daunting. Even impossible.
But there are people out there who live that way, so it is at least possible. And seeing as both optimism and pessimism make unsupportable assumptions about the entirety of life as we know it being either good or bad, I might as well go with the one that seems to lead to greater happiness.
That would be optimism, for those of you playing at home.
Becoming optimistic,it seems to me, would be all about reversing the polarity of one’s selection bias. In other words, learning to…
It’s by no means easy. It means making a conscious effort to emphasize every positive thing that happens and to disregard or downplay all the negatives.
That’s no mean feat. Especially the second part. I find it way easier to emphasize positive things when they happen than to disregard the negatives because having what ancient psychology called a “negative personality”, I go into every situation like a bomb squad officer looking for booby traps.
Positive types presumably go into new situations looking like it’s Easter Sunday and they are looking for the hidden candy.
Laugh all you want, those people are happy. Are you?
More after the break.
Foodora 2, My Tummy 0
Jesus fucking Christ.
Once more, I attempted to order from Foodora and once more the gremlins that hate me ordering in shit all over it.
I was almost there. I had ordered three things from the local Dinesty Dumpling House, the same things I had ordered last week before they closed mid-order.
Garlic in Cucumber, Chicken Dumplings, and a Winter Melon Lemon Juice drink.
I was ready to press “order”. The voucher had been applied. $20 off. All that was left of the total was 96 cents, which would be charged to my credit card. Boffo.
But then, fool that I am, I hesitated. Did I really want that drink if it meant I didn’t have enough money left to tip the drivers? No, I decided.
So I looked around for a way to edit my order before submitting it. Mysteriously missing.
So for lack of a better option, I hit the back button.
And that made my order…. vanish. And now, suddenly, Foodora think that literally every restaurant in my area is closed for the evening.
Un. Fucking. Believable.
I tried clearing the cache, the cookies, and the history. No dice. Nothing I do will convince them that it’s 7:40 pm here and lots of places are still open, including the places I was trying to order from, which I know from last week closes at 8:30 pm.
So guess what? Pizza Hut gets my money again. A place that still trusts me to make cash orders and that knows its stores are open.
I can’t help but see their giving me the $20 voucher as a wickedly clever trick to keep me trying now. Because I am determined to get that voucher spent.
And that means that for the second Saturday in a row, I will have no choice but to send an angry email to Foodora support about how they fucked up this time.
Handy hint : websites that break when you use the back button are bad. They are bad, cheap, stinky websites that are terrible for business.
Oh, and this is on top of the fact that I was already stressing about the fact that I woke up from a nap with a seriously congested chest that has me worried about my pneumonia coming back again.
What did I ever do to the universe to make it treat me this way?
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.