Feeling rather crappy.
I know it will pass, though. Right now, I feel angry and cranky and ready to jump down the throat of the first person to so much as twitch in my direction. I hate everything, everybody, and every everything else. I want to scream, cry, howl, jump out the window, tear my shirt off, and menace passersby.
I’m also sort of horny. So maybe I’d menace them naked.
COWER BEFORE THE MIGHT OF MY UNCUT PEEN!
I was feeling a lot better earlier. Such is the life of the emotionally unstable. I felt warm and cozy and cuddly and even had the beginnings of a very simple and life-affirming poem about today being a day for staying in running through my head.
A poem I am no longer in the mood to write, sadly. I could try to force myself to do it but, quite frankly, the prospect nauseates.
So it will be yet another victim of the daily massacre of brilliant ideas that is my mind. I have really good ideas all the goddamned time and they never go anywhere except back into the mind that generated them to gather dust forever.
I swear, it’s like that final scene in the government warehouse from Indian Jones a dozen times a day in this fucking place.
“Holy Grail? Yeah, just put it with the others. Yeah, don’t worry, just toss it on the stack between the cures of cancer and the solutions for world peace. ”
My dream life would involve me having a whole huge organization dedicated to expanding upon and implementing all my brilliant ideas. I would oversee it all, of course, and there would be the usual stages of trials before anything truly expensive or risky happened, and I would take each idea as far as I could on my own (which can be pretty far) before I give it to my people, but the basic gist would be that I have the genius level ideas and my people take care of the rest.
I suppose it would be structured like an advanced venture capital firm. The kind that invests and sticks with said investment to see that it succeeds instead of just being some MBA weasel’s cash grab.
And I would do other people’s ideas too. I wouldn’t enjoy that quite as much,. but a good idea is a good idea even if it ain’t one of mine, and if it’s something I sincerely wanted to see happen in the world, I would not let my ego get in the way.
And every venture would have the same trajectory : get it up and running and able to survive on its own, then sell it to people I think can take it from there (not necessarily the highest bidder ) while retaining a cut of the profits.
Gotta pay for the next venture somehow, after all.
And I know that people think anyone can be an “idea man” and that it’s really just a copout position for the clever but terminally lazy, but that assumes that all ideas are of equal value, and we know that sure as fuck ain’t true.
And I happen to be someone with a lot of really top drawer ideas.
Too bad that’s all I am good for.
More after the break.
Tried Foodora again. Failed the same way. Le sigh.
I miss Skip the Dishes. It was so wonderful. All those possibilities at my fingertips. I could order practically anything from practically anywhere. I had it so good.
But then they revoked my cash order privileges for something that was in no way my fault, and now I don’t order through them any more because I do business in cash, god damn it, and don’t usually have the money on my card for a Saturday meal.
That might changes soon though. Like I have been talking about, my resistance to just dumping my cash onto my reloading VISA is crumbling rapidly. There’s just so many ways in which it would be a lot more convenient to have the money on the card and thus be able to buy stuff online with it.
Ordering from Skip is only one of them.
I am a little worried that it might throw off how I regulate my spending, though. If there’s a bunch of money just sitting there on the card waiting for me to spend it, the temptation to blow my budget big time on a new game or a way cool new gizmo might prove irresistible, and that could fuck me over in oh so many ways.
What I really need is more money. And there are so many ways I could earn extra cash. I even signed up for one of those survey places and they keep emailing me about surveys I could do and I keep ignoring it because I just can’t deal.
Seems insane for someone of my extraordinary abilities to have their entire mind balk like it was about to go over the edge of a cliff in a baby buggy at the thought of having to turn and face reality enough to do a stupid fucking survey.
That’s the thing about mental illness…. it’s crazy,
Surely, at some point, I will get a goddamned grip on myself long enough to stop the world from spinning quite so hard and be able to plant my big bull feet firmly on the ground and push back at the rubberized chaos in my head so I can deal with the world and actually use these outrageous gifts of mine for fun and profit.
I truly feel like I had a grip at one point and then lost it. Or maybe I threw it away, I don’t know. But I distinctly remember feeling like I was in control of my life and could plan and execute series of tasks to improve myself and my lifestyle, and then at some point life, the universe, and severe depression knocked the tiller from my hand and I have been a slave to the waves ever since.
Jesus Christ am I a good poet, even when I don’t know it.
Maybe I should start doing all my blogging in the form of blank verse.
and then at some point
life, the universe, and severe depression
knocked the tiller from my hand
and I have been a slave to the waves ever since
It could work.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.