Bad sleep. Mental fog. Hard to think. The usual.
Anyhow, as patient readers know, I don’t edit. Like, ever. No matter what it is I am writing, I just write the thing and that’s it. I am done.
I don’t even proofread. But I am sure you have figured that out by now.
And the thing is, I get away with this. I have been submitting first drafts for my entire life and it has always worked out just fine.
Got high marks in school and everything. Even at VFS.
So how is this possible? Certainly, it would not seem possible to a studious, hard working, doing everything the “right” way kind of person.
In would, in fact, seem blatantly unfair. But as we know, talent isn’t fair.
And that’s the most obvious answer to the question : I get away with it because I am massively talented. I mean, I must be, otherwise my lackadaisical approach would crash and burn every single time.
But that’s a superficial and glib answer. What I want to know is, what exactly is going on? What is this talent of which we speak? How does it operate? What does it DO?
And I think I have figured it out. You know how I have been saying that some people get better at something by studying and learning, and others by just doing the thing a lot?
Well that’s the answer : by doing a lot of writing without editing after, I got good at that part of the process.
In other words, by only ever doing first drafts, I got really good at first drafts.
That’s not to deny the role of talent entirely, of course. This insane “strategy” of mine would not work were I not blessed with an overflowing cornucopia of talents.
But it at least explains how it is even possible to do like I do. And it kind of explains what I am doing with all this blogging.
I am not just expressing some of the words that are rattling around this capacious noggin of mine.
I am also practicing my first drafts.
And I think I am getting pretty good at them, don’t you?
Life’s been pretty quiet in this life of mine. Right now, I am enjoying that, after all the weirdness and stress of the last few days.
But I can feel the restlessness starting to grow even now. And so it’s only a matter of time before I have to go looking for some trouble to get into.
That’s a pretty new thought to me. Until quite recently, I suppressed my feelings of restlessness and the urge to engage with the world in a somewhat playful way that results from said feelings because they didn’t fit in my teeny tiny comfort zone.
In fact, it’s become abundantly clear to me that I have been going through life with a pretty thick set of blinders on.
After all, what’s the point of looking out at all the things in life you feel you can never have? It can only lead to pain and unhappiness, right?
So slap the blinders on and keep your eyes firmly fixed to the world inside your computer, ignoring everything that might suggests that’s not nearly enough of a life for you to be happy at all.
And by you, of course, I mean me.
And that’s the thing : it’s not enough. I need far, far, far more than I am getting out of life and I am sick and tired of trying to pretend that isn’t the case.
It is not enough. I am not okay. I am a deeply unhappy and frustrated man who is chomping at the bit to get out there and prove to the world just how amazing he is.
But this stupid wall of fear and suppressed rage keeps me trapped. It’s like I am dragging a huge ball and chain behind me all the time, and I am sick of it.
There has to be a way out of this trap of mine.
And some day, I am doing to find it.
More after the break.
Got a moment or two before go to another Parking Lot Summit with dear Felicity.
It’s a very strange era we live in. At times I am still amazed at how much the whole world has changed in such a short period of time.
I mean, here we are with 75 percent of the the world’s population unable to go to work and it all happened in the space of a month or so.
If you went back just two months and told people that in a month, the world would shut down three quarters of the economy and everyone in the world would be on board with this and do it mostly voluntarily, they would laugh in your face.
But somehow, that’s exactly what has happened.
And I take this as being an extremely hopeful sign.
In fact, I think this is what the New Age types have been calling for and prophesying for a very long time : a global consciousness raising event.
We now know that there is such a thing as a global consensus. We now know that concentrated government action can solve problems if they are motivated enough. We now know that all the cries of “We can’t possibly afford that” are absolute bullshit.
You can afford it just fine. You just don’t want to. Because doing nice things for low status people is too wimpy and girly and gay for you.
And this knowledge will not disappear when the crisis ends. Sure, things will go back to normal in bad ways as well as good, but people will remember what this is like.
It’s like when WWII ended and all the women left the factories and went back to being housewives. Sure, it looked like conformity and the patriarchy had won the day….
… but those ladies remembered. Even if they now paid lip service to the ideal of feminine fragility, they knew in their hearts that it was all lies.
People will remember when we all came together to get through this.
And they will ask themselves why we can’t do it again.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.