The junk food, that is.
I eat too much of the stuff. I use it as a side dish for every meal.
And that’s just so wrong. No way I should be eating anywhere near that many carbs. No wonder I am dying a slow neurological death from my diabetes, for fuck’s sake.
And I have tried to reform my habits before by replacing the carb laden chips and pretzels with protein rich almonds and peanuts.
But that did not go well. Turns out, my body can only handle a certain amount of almonds and peanuts and past that point they make me feel kind of ill.
Still tasty, but also urfy.
So clearly this requires a more sophisticated approach. Ideally,I would like to get to a point where all or most of my meals are “real food” meals and not a sandwich, junk food, and a piece of fruit.
Oh, and a sugar free dessert.
Those can stay.
And by “real food”, I mean the sort of things you might find on the menu at a restaurant. Food with substantial nutritive value as well as pleasing taste. Stuff that makes me feel “well” fed and not just “no longer hungry”.
And obviously, given my having depression, things have to be kept as user friendly as possible. Things that only require heating up in the microwave at most.
So I am seeing cans. Lots and lots of cans full of wholesome foods. Canned soups, stews, chili, and so on.
Canned veggies too, perhaps. They can be surprisingly good.
I can imagine a future where when I get hungy, I immediately think of my can opener.
And the thing is, opening a can and dumping something into a bowl then nuking it is not a heck of a lot of work. Sure, it’s more work than just pouring my human kibble in a bowl, but it’s still no big deal.
And, ya know. Could save my fucking life.
So there’s that too.
The main hurdle would be expense. All that canned stuff costs money. Specifically, it costs a lot more than the shitty junk food it would be replacing.
There’s a nutrition tax to be paid, after all. Food with actual nutrition in it always costs more. Cheap carbs are the cheapest thing around. Actual food can’t compete.
I think that’s an adjustment I could make, though. I might have less spending cash under the new meal plan but I also might feel a hell of a lot better in general and that would more than justify the expense.
I might be able to ask for some of those things to be added to our Costco list, too, and that would lighten the financial burden on yours truly.
And to be honest, I am getting pretty tired of junk food and eating like an idiot. I want real food. The kind of stuff that makes me feel like I have really had a meal.
My body cries out for nutrition, god damn it, and I am finally learning to listen.
More after the break.
Oh right, I’m awesome
Welp, it’s that time again. The time when I try to remind myself as forcefully as I can that I am an extraordinary person with amazing abilities and have a lot to offer the world.
It says a lot about me that I approach this task like it was a deep dental cleaning.
Like yeah, I know it has to be done, and I will probably feel a lot better after.
But the during part of the process is going to be uncomfortable and painful and weird and I am going to have to fight my urge to resist it for the entire duration.
Okay. here goes : I am amazing. I have reams of talent and ability that make me a worthwhile person in both an artistic and a financial sense.
I’m not kidding. I could make someone one hell of a lot of money if they took a chance on me. I look out at the world of art (especially comedy) and say “Pfft. I can do better than THAT crap. ”
And the thing is, I can. I know I can. But you don’t have to take my word for it. Every writing teacher I have ever had has told me how talented I am. So have my fellow students from those writing classes. The survey has been taken and it says I rock.
Even total strangers who wouldn’t know me if they tripped over me have declared my writing to be hilariously funny and wonderful.
I am also, of course, blazingly intelligent. This has been confirmed not by firsthand testimony (though there’s some of that too) but by my entire academic career. I have always received top grades and I have never,. ever had to study. When the test or the exam came up, I just knew the answers. I remembered them.
And without much effort, too. In fact,. for most of my academic life,. my main problem was being bored out of my mind because everything was going way too slow for me.
Even at VFS, I sailed through almost everything. I never even felt the strain until the final semester, and even then, I could have done a lot more.
Hell, I could have done twice as much. Then it might have seemed like work.
And I am also, by all accounts, a sweet and funny guy who is nice to be around. I love to make people laugh. I genuinely care about people and want them to be happy. I am cuddly and silly and witty and nice.
I give great backrubs.
So all in all, I am one heck of a human being, and I have a lot to offer the world. I have a level of skill and ability that could earn me big bucks in the right situation, and I take comfort in that fact and will keep it close to my heart for when the dirty grey sleet of depression tries to freeze me dead again.
I am not a loser. I am not worthless. I am not useless.
I am, in fact, a totally amazing human being who happens to have some problems that are keeping him locked away for now.
There is only one thin little wall between me and artistic glory right now.
And when I am ready, that will fall too.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.