Starting my blogging before getting my lunch together this time because after lugging my very full laundry hamper to the washing machine, I feel weak and ill.
And that’s…. not good. I mean, yes, it was a very heavy amount of clothes, but still. It makes me feel scared when something like that takes this much out of me.
It makes me feel feeble and frail and very very vulnerable. Like I am one little push away from being confined to a hospital bed.
But what do I expect? I eat tons of junk food and I spend all day either in bed or sitting on my ass in front of the computer I get almost no exercise and I don’t take care of my diabetes or my sleep apnea or anything else, really.
So no wonder I get winded like I just ran a marathon from just doing my laundry,.
It’s a wonder that I can do anything at all.
Okay. Food time. I will be right back.
Well, here I am, back with my usual bowl o’ crap meal.
God, I eat like a child.
I was originally going to make this a Ten Cans based meal but I feel too ill and tired to do anything out of the ordinary, so it’s the usual bullshit this time.
Too sick to eat the food that might make me less sick. Ha ha ha.
Now, where was I? Oh right, the hospital bed.
Well, that’s where I am going to end up, isn’t it? Sooner or later, my crappy lifestyle will catch up to me and all my self-neglect will lead to some truly horrible health event – a heart attack, a stroke, a million other ways my health could go kablooey, and then I end crippled and full of tubes in a hospital bed, strapped down to keep me from yanking the tubes out and going completely insane from the confinement.
You would think having a massive infected wound open up on my left leg would have been enough to get me to straighten up and fly right. And it was… for a while. But then I slipped back into my old habits once it no ;longer felt like a crisis.
And I bet that is going to happen again and again. Bad health event, get it treated till I am more or less well, behave myself for a while afterwards, then slide back into my bad habits until the next bad health event.
And eventually, one of those bed health events is going to GET me, and I will end up dead before 50 or worse, helpless and confined and going insane.
That’s my life trajectory , folks. Enjoy me while I last. I am going to end up dead or out of commission before I even get to be a grownup.
And all because I am too weak and feeble to change my life for the better.
They say depression doesn’t kill you. And it doesn’t. Directly.
But it can be the ropes that tie you to the tracks and keep you from getting away from the train that DOES kill you.
And that amounts to the same thing.
More after the break.
So-called “Final” Fantasy
Currently downloading Final Fantasy XIV Online. It’s another giant fantasy MMORPG along the lines of Elder Scrolls Online, and they are letting people sign up for a 14 day free trial right now, so I figured I would give it a shot.
I’ still playing ESO for now, though. But today I realized that it has a lot less plot than I thought it did, and that is making me more open to trying something new.
ESO has about twenty different areas…. we’ll call them provinces for simplicity. And I thought each province had its own unique plotline. After all, some of them do.
But most don’t, as it turns out. I learned this by going to a province I had never been to before, ready to take the first quest offered me like I had in other provinces, only to find out the plotline was one I had already done in the province of Murkmire.
Repeat for a couple of other provinces I had never been to but had plotlines I had already done, and I finally clue in.
This means that there are fewer unknown parts of the game than I thought. I know there are a few plotlines I haven’t touched, like the one for the isle of Summerset, so it’s not all over til the next expansion yet.
But I don’t think I will be playing for a whole lot longer unless it turns out I hate FFXIVO.
Unlikely. People I know like it. And the beauty of it is that I have never played any of it before, so it will all be poppin’ fresh to me.
I’ve also been playing The Legend Of Heroes : Trails In The Sky, that game that my friend Windchaser gifted to me. I’ve gotten through some of the prologue now, and it seems like a decent little game. Pretty much a standard JRPG, but with above average writing and flashes of real wit.
Windchaser tells me that the game makes fun of and/or subverts a lot of the tropes of JRPGs and anime, and I look forward to that.
That convinces me that the game is made by my kind of people, and that really helps me get through the parts that seem very slow to me.
It’s crazy how much stimulation I need from my games now. I can’t even play games older than a certain point because the crudeness of the graphics depresses me now.
And I hate that. It makes me feel like a philistine. I tend to think of myself as an open-minded person with no prejudices against old art, whether i’ts old books, old music, old TV show, or old movies.
But I have hit a hard limit with old video games. There are games I know are good games I would enjoy, but not without a major graphical overhaul.
At least I have stop trying to force myself to get over this limit. I might not be happy about it, but I accept it.
I guess that means I am now part of the market for these “the same great game but with higher resolution graphics” cheap remakes they are making these days.
Leave me to my shame.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.