Just got back from cashing my monthly cheque. Between getting in line outside the bank to leaving the bank with my transactions complete probably took around 45 minutes, with me standing the whole time.
So my leg muscles are not happy with me right now.
Plus, my blood sugar is getting low. I can tell because I am slightly lightheaded and my muscles are beginning to twitch.
Which means I should totally be eating right now. After all, I haven’t eaten since 6 am and it is now 3 pm which means it’s been nine hours since I ate.
That’s three hours too long. At least.
But I can’t eat right now because the unaccustomed exercise has killed my appetite. So I have to wait till I am no longer in an adrenal state and can start feeling hungry again.
That said, if that doesn’t happen soon, I will make myself eat anyway. Never a pleasant chore, but it beats having my blood sugar crash on me.
Annoyances at the bank : there were two lines which converged at the door. One went down one side of bank, the other went down the side perpendicular to that. One line was much shorter than the other.
But they were letting people in without regards to which line they came from, so suckers like me who got in the longer line waited a lot longer.
I just assumed the longer line was the “real” line. Why? Basic pessimism, I suppose.
As a result, I resented those who got in early by going to the “wrong” line.
Yeah, I know that’s illogical. So am I.
Then, when I was in the bank, I make it to the front of the line and then the teller calls some blonde lady who wasn’t even in the line over ahead of me.
That’s the thing about waiting in line. You have to wait in line to do it. You don’t get to just go off and do your own thing.
On the other hand, I’m rich now. Or will be.
Because not only did I get a check from the federal government for $290, my monthly check from the province had an extra $320 or so in it, so I have an extra $600 to play around with right now.
Only I can’t access most of it because I loaded $1200 onto my reloadable VISA, which seemed like a smart move until I got home and realized that it can take a day for those transactions to actually post to my account and until they do, that money is in limbo.
And today’s Friday, so that means the money might not be accessible til MONDAY.
And that’s going to make life kind of complicated for me this weekend.
Ya do what seems like the smart thing and it still bites you in the ass. Right now, my cash reserves stand at around $130, so cash wise, I am fine.
But a game I really want, Borderlands 3, is on sale for 50 percent off right now, and I was really looking forward to pouncing on that deal.
But I forgot all about the costs of putting my money in financial limbo like that.
So yeah. Direct deposit is looking pretty good to me right now.
Oh, and here’s a kickass Leonard Cohen video directed by David Lynch.
More after the break.
I used to live for music
Every time I listen to Leonard Cohen, I reconsider my decision not to be a poet.
I used to write poetry. It wasn’t very good, but it was mine. But I decided at an early age that there was simply no future in poetry. It’s a niche market and there are very very few people in the world who can call themselves professional poets and I did not like my odds at becoming one of them.
But Cohen makes me reconsider. Granted, he turns his poetry into songs, and songs are way more commercially viable than poems.
What makes me reconsider, though, is how much his poetry speaks to that dark, deep, mysterious side of me,. the Mars in Pisces side that means so much to me yet fits so poorly with that big bad bruiser of truth machine that is my rational mind.
That’s why I say confusing things like “I am the world’s only rational materialist mystic poet”. What I mean is that I have a lot of attributes that would fit quite well into any number of mystic traditions, including a capacity to feel things very deeply,. but I have no mystic tradition to fit them into.
Instead, I have rationality, which is the coldest of comforts. Sure, it was great to conquer my fear of the dark via telling myself there was nothing there in the dark that wasn’t there in the light. but for the most part, rationality makes a very poor substitute for all the emotional nutrients that I should have been getting.
No wonder so many people in my situation become bitter, cynical misanthropes. They are in a lot of pain from needs that often cannot even admit they have, let alone meet.
Myself, I made a conscious decision to reject that option. It didn’t seem to me like it could lead anywhere good. And indeed, I have seen formerly good and sane people get trapped in the ever-tightening coils of that world-view and to put it very mildly, it does not seem to make them happy.
They just end up bitter and alone and miserable, yet still convince they are “right”.
Well, would you rather be right, or happy?
That’s always what it comes down to, isn’t it? Is it better to be right and miserable or wrong and happy?
Put that way, it seems quite obvious that it is better to be wrong and happy.
And if you take a good look at the world, you realize that it’s the most popular choice. Most people would rather be objectively wrong and happy than right and unhappy.
It’s only mental mutants like myself who try to live on truth alone.
And it’s just plain not enough.
There has to be more.
And I will move heaven and earth to find it.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.