Still pissed off about getting the brushoff at the ER yesterday.

What is it about me that makes it so easy for doctors to dismiss me?

Is it that I am too timid? That’s at least part of it, I think. When push comes to shove, I ended up being the one pushed and shoved around.

I really tried to get the nurses and my ER doctor to take my leg sores seriously, though. i kept bringing the conversation back to them. But no matter what I did, the doctor insisted that I had the sores because my skin got itchy and I scratched at it too hard and that somehow resulted in these sores all over my leg.

And there’s some truth to that, I suppose. But that doesn’t change the fact that I got these nasty wounds all over my legs that really look to me like they could use bandaging with some kind of antiseptic applied.

Ya know, like they did when my leg got super infected last year.

But nope. Instead, I got what I always get : brushed off so that the doctor can go on with their busy day and move on to a patient more worthy of their attention.

They just can’t wait to be rid of me. Just like everyone else.

Empathy is part of the problem too, as I have said before. I can feel their desire to be done, and my sense of self is not yet strong enough for me to be able to resist the urge to give in and give them what they want.

I get something out of it too : the encounter ends, and along with it, the tension.

And we all know by now how I can’t resist that instant relief high.

I am still trying to get my blood sugar level down. I had the bright idea to try fasting this morning. I just skipped breakfast.

Tested my blood around 10 am. I hadn’t eaten in around 10 hours.

Still got a 19.2 though. So this is proving trickier than I thought.

Back to rounds of taking insulin and testing, then, quite possibly with some exercise included as well.

Because this shit’s getting serious, y’all. Got a brand new sore on the left side of my left knee. Burns. Like someone is pressing a hot curling iron against the skin.

The doctor at the ER said that my blood tests came back with high levels of lactic acid. Apparently, according to my research, that can be caused by poor blood circulation.

But I can’t seem to find out what to do about it. All the treatment options focus on improving the circulation and not how to get rid of the lactic acid I have.

Oh right. Another thing that can cause lactic acid buildup is a strong infection.

And as I type this, I feel quite hot and a bit dizzy and a little nauseous.

Good thing none of this is a big deal. Otherwise I might get worried.

More after the break.

---

The clouds have parted

Well glory be. My credit card works with DoorDash.

I gave it a try expecting absolutely nothing. After all, I had tried Skip and Uber Eats ane they both barfed my card back at me.

Butr surprised, surprise! I successfully ordered my fave meal from my fave Indian place.

For $32. Yikes. I mean, I can afford it, but still. Yikes.

Oh well. It will all seem worth it when I am aglow with happiness from being full of my beloved Lamb Rogan Josh.

And at least I will get two meals out of it.

Oh wait. I somehow added some naan^[1]. So that price I quoted is probably high.

Probably more like $30 even.

Anyhow, point is, I am getting tasty foods.

Now if only DoorDash did 7-11!

---

On cancel culture

I am rapidly becoming a huge fan of this lady.

Her discussions are so good! Intelligent, witty, even-handed, clear-minded, deep, eloquent, and informative.

Oh, and she also always looks fabulous. And the thing about trans girls is that you know that if they look, it’s because of their own hard work and skill, not a genetic accident.

And she rocks at least one totally new amazing look per episode, each unique.

I admire that so much.

But of course, it’s content that counts. And she has content that matters. Content that has substance and worth.

I linked to the “Canceling” episode because it really opened my eyes to the fact that this is a real thing. Before watching it, I thought it was just one of those meaningless right wing buzzwords they deploy in order to avoid having to think.

But no, it’s a real thing. And it destroys innocent people then moves on without ever looking back to see the wreckage it leaves behind.

It is the same sociological phenomenon as lynch mobs and other forms of mob justice, only made infinitely more efficient by the internet.

Now, instead of a a handful of excitable citizens with pitchforks and torches, it’s millions of people online howling for justice as a form of recreation.

Not that these people are insincere in their outrage. It’s just that the outrage is the point of the exercise, not justice.

Justice sometimes changes its mind based on new information. And that’s no fun. What could be worse than someone interrupted the fun of being part of a torch wielding mob by pointing out that the victim is innocent?

Being part of a lynch mob feels good. You feel pure and righteous and sure of yourself when you get that sweet moral outrage going.

It’s basically anger addiction writ large. Those people in the lynch mob get the same rush that people with anger issues get.

But I am not too worried about it because I have seen the backlash to it growing, so I am fairly certain that the hive mind we are all building via the internet is learning to moderate its worst impulses, and that there will soon be enough people who react to the outage inducing clickbait headline by fact-checking it that the counter-response will be swift and provide much needed balance.

Because the nice thing is that “That person everyone is mad at is INNOCENT” also makes for a pretty good clickbait headline too.

This hivemind of ours is growing up.

I couldn’t be more proud of it.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.