Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself.
Had a lot of trouble getting to sleep this morning. Had one of my attacks of being sleepy until I lay down and then suddenly I am wide awake and extremely tense.
So I lay there a while, hoping I could relax myself via stretching and other motions, but eventually I had to give up and get up and do stuff.
So I got up and did some of my pushouts, and that helped. Pacing to and fro probably would have helped even more but I was too depressed.
I’d have to feel better in order to do the things that would make me feel better. Fun.
After exercising, I fucked around on the computer a while and eventually got tired enough to go to bed and sleep for real this time.
Time elapsed since first attempt :around 80 minutes.
Time I spent asleep : around three hours.
Clearly that’s not enough.
Yay, another sleepy day.
Not happy with how my video turned out. But that’s as far as I can take it for now. When I can, I will try adding some bells and whistles, but right now, it is done.
I would probably be better off making peace with the fact that I will never be the sort of person who hangs on to something he has made until he has made it as good as it can possibly be before putting it out into the world.
That’s just not possible for me. I am too emotionally unstable. If I don’t push it out into the world the moment it is done, my belief in it will collapse and it will never see the light of day and probably will get deleted.
It really limits me as an artist, but it’s the best I can do. I can never be the kind of person who says “Not till it’s ready!”.
Instead, I say “The next one will be better”.
And iit will be. I do make better first drafts over time. But still.
I want to do so much better. And I suppose I will, eventually.
But boy do I wish I could do things the way others do.
Maybe what I really need to do is re