Today was therapy day, which is why I am only beginning to blog now, a bit before 7:30 pm, when I would normally be starting on part 2.

Therapy takes a lot out of me, which is why I don’t end up blogging right after therapy. But I should try to do it anyhow as it is best to express all the emotions that therapy stirs up while they are still fresh and I haven’t had time to “process” them yet.

It wasn’t the greatest of sessions, largely because I was pretty sleepy. Not as bad as that one session a couple of months ago when I was barely conscious, but still not all that great overall.

We talked about my vast reservoir of shame that I do not know what to do with. But as I was talking about it, I realized that detaching enough from it to view it as a discrete entity within my psyche was a very good sign and the first step towards getting rid of it.

I can now, metaphorically speaking, start working on the antidote. If I think of it as this massive pool that has to be dealt with linearly, the task seems impossibly huge and I lose all hope.

But if I think of it as a toxic substance that just needs the right reagent to neutralize it, the task seems far more doable.

Remember, folks, this blog is your one stop shopping destination for the nerdiest metaphors on the entire internet.

I know, intellectually, that I have nothing to be ashamed of. I know that my family was wrong to treat me as an afterthought at best and a burdensome pest at worst, and that I deserved to be treated as an equal to my siblings and given all the love, attention, reinforcement, guidance, and support I needed to grow up healthy and strong.

Which brings up the other thing I have a vast reservoir of : anger.

That’s harder for me to deal with than the shame because anger is so much more volatile and unpredictable and quite frankly, it scares me.

It scares me because when I try to get in touch with it, it fills me with crazy thoughts that make me feel like at any second, I could devolve into some kind of demented homeless soothsayer screaming at people to wake the fuck up as they passed my cardboard hut.

And that’s one of my more positive scenarios. At least in that one, the worst I would be doing is hurting people’s ears.

Clearly, I need to keep working on making videos because those could be a socially positive outlet for my anger, as well as for my sharp perceptions and wit and all the other good things I have to contribute.

But I don’t want to be the angry ranting guy. That’s too restrictive. I would hate to be in a position where I felt like I had to think of or find something to be angry about.

That would be a terrible way to live. Makes me tired just thinking about it.

Plus that’s not the sort of audience I want either. I have seen the sort of people who want to listen to the angry guy and it is not, primarily, thoughtful and intelligent people looking for a new perspective.

It’s people who want to watch the angry person commit verbal violence on somebody, and in that sense it stops being discourse and starts being a bloodsport.

I do not want to be another Morton Downey Junior, regardless of politics.

What I want is to be a powerful force for change. I want to be the person who articulates what others cannot and by doing so speaks truth to power with great precision and impact, like artillery fire.

i want to expose the lies and hypocrisy under which evil thrives and let the pure clean light of the truth disinfect the body politic, and give people the cognitive antibodies they need in order to resist the madness and by opposing end it.

I want to be a source of hope and strength for people because when they listen to me, I make the world make sense to them and make them feel like the problems of the world are understandable and solvable and that the only thing that stands in the way or a mch better world is a small handful of old rich white men and their puppets and that if we want to, we can simply push them out of the way.

There are billions of us and hundreds of them. It would be very, very easy.

Because this is our world, not theirs. The government belongs to us, not the other way around, and we can change the rules of the game any time we want because it is our game and we are free to make it benefit us and not them.

The public is only as powerless as it believes itself to be. As we are seeing all over the world today, when the people are roused to anger, nothing can stop them.

And that’s the message I want to deliver to people. Individually we are weak, but together we are unstoppable.

Together, we can make the world a safer, saner, more compassionate, more intelligent, and above all a better place to live.

it’s been done before. That’s how we got here. How we arrived at this era that, despite how it looks, is still the best time there has ever been to be a human on Planet Earth.

And we can do it again. We can make the world of today look positively Dickensian compared to the bright and shining future we will build together.

And all we have to do is to stop believing in our own powerlessness and push the small number of corrupt old men out of the way and take our government back.

And make it do what we want it to do, for our own benefit.

It really is that simple.

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.