Had my doctor’s appointment this morning. Got therapy in 20 mins.
It’s a busy, busy day for me!
Doctor was an hour late. Par for the course for him. I have given up complaining about it to him because that just makes him all flustered and embarrassed and nothing changes so what the hell.
What really bugs me, though, is that ever time I complained, it was like he’d been shot, that’s how much of a shock it was to him. I can only assume that I am one of the few patients who ever actually complained about it to his face.
Plausible. After all, we’re all Canadians, and we’re not the most direct people in the world, especially with authority figures.
By Canadian standards, I am mildly more assertive than the baseline.
Anyhow, I got to see him eventually, and agreed to let a second year medical student take my history.
Glad to help. Canada needs doctors.
Got my first B12 shot. Got to admit, I feel a bit better. Warmer. Less agitated. Hmm.
Looked up what foods have B12 in them. Short answer : meat. Meat and other animal products like eggs and dairy.
So I am going to bump up my animal product intake. I never planned on being a vegan, I just became one accidentally. I only eat meat when I order in or go out.
So that’s like, four meals a week tops. Not good enough! I plan to up that to at least one animal product focused meal a day.
Glad dairy products are on the list. Adding cheese on toast to my diet seems like a fairly easy first step.
Eventually I will get lunch meats at least. Maybe the occasional rotisserie chicken.
And of course, my blood sugar was sky high. Not a surprise, seeing as I don’t monitor and I don’t take my insulin.
But still depressing to hear. Well I don’t know about monitoring but I can at least get back into taking insulin on the regular.
I was worried that without monitoring, it would be a bad idea to take insulin at all, But the doctor told me that I need to do so because diabetes is a progressive disease and as it progresses, my body produces less and less insulin.
So I gotta replace that shit or all the dietary restraint in the world won’t be enough to save my sorry ass.
Both tons of it.
Still, I am hopeful about my future because I now have a two word mantra to propel me into the right behaviours : FEEL BETTER,.
If I get my blood sugar down, I will FEEL BETTER.
If I get my B12 up, I will FEEL BETTER.
If I get myself moving more, I will FEEL BETTER.
And lordy, do I want to feel better. I feel so crappy all the time that I totally forgot that feeling better was even a thing till my doctor mentioned it.
I can make myself feel better.
I might even make myself feel GOOD for once.
And surely that’s worth a bit of work.
More after the break.
My kind of fight
Somewhere out there, there’s got to be the fight for me.
One where I can not only shine but reign supreme,
One where the side of the angels needs my strength, my power, and my skill in order to secure victory against the forces of evil.
One where I can fight with all my might instead of always holding back.
One where I can fight like the giant berserker bear I truly am.
One where the enemy is so wicked and so powerful that even exerting myself to the utmost might not be enough to defeat it.
One where I can finally unleash all this power I have been hoarding for so long without knowing why I was doing it
The fight I long for would finally give my power a reason to exist
It would finally give me a reason to exist
And it has to be out there, somewhere.
Call to me, O battlefield of my destiny, and I will come to you
And at long last I will find purpose, and form, and meaning
Hmm. Guess that turned out to be a poem. Go fig,.
But yes, I feel like there must be a battle that needs me somewhere in this wild and fucked up world of ours.
There’s no shortage of evil. The world’s on fire, plague stalks the land, America stands on the brink of civil war, right wing horror shows are rising to power all over the world because people lose their higher ethical faculties too when they get old, and civilization itself seems on the brink of manic suicide.
And then there’s the bad things. Ba dum tish.
And I know I am an extremely powerful communicator. My words have serious mojo. The kind of mojo that can reshape the world if wielded properly.
But I need a focus. An enemy, or a system, or a cause. Someplace where I can bring the pain to the corrupt bastards of the world, and with the power of my words, strip them of all moral legitimacy and reveal them to be the mindless parasites they really are.
Tell me, senator, can you name something that you wouldn’t do even if it made you a lot of money and you knew you wouldn’t get caught?
No, that’s not an “unfair” question.
But I need to know where to go.
Or maybe that’s just cowardice talking, I can’t tell. Maybe I am just too chickenshit to face the awesome responsibility inherent in my power. Maybe dithering over where to start is just my cowardice’s stalling tactic to avoid having to come out of the darkness and be not just really but bigger than life.
The power to remake the world, and I too scared to use it,.
Spider-Man would be so disappointed in me.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow,