It slips my mind from time to time.
Did the followup with my podiatrist. He continues to be young and handsome.
Things are aces on that front. The wound has done an amazing amount of healing in two weeks. Once the doctor peeled off the accumulated callous, it was evidence that the ulcer was mostly healed and that more band-aids and Neosporin ought to finish the dang thing off.
Which is groovalicious. Nice for one of my problems to go away for once.
But the bad news is that I am still fucking dying. Just getting out of Joe’s car and into the office building and up the elevator felt like death.
So much so that I was actually happy when the doctor put me in an examination room and told me he would be with me in ten minutes.
That way, my pulse had time to get back to normal.
And I know what this means. It means the wheelchair and/or the mobility scooter are coming for me any day now. It won’t be long before I will be as physically disabled as I am emotionally disabled.
Maybe that will be enough to get me to take care of myself properly.
And maybe not.
Clearly I need to develop my self-discipline muscles so that I can override that clutching paralytic fear that keeps me from doing much of anything.
I mean, objectively, I could at least be taking my insulin regularly. It doesn’t take long and it isn’t particularly hard and I think it’s safe to assume my blood sugar level is crazy high most of the time right now.
Testing is still beyond me. Maybe if I get the insulin going, I will feel good enough to try to get testing fricking working, but for now that it not within reach for me.
This despite the fact that I am getting weird pains in my legs and feet a lot and that I regularly feel like yesterday’s leftover crap and that just getting out of a car and going up an elevator damn near kills me.
Admittedly, part of that was the cold. My body just can’t handle it any more. Cold air hurts my lungs and sucks the energy right out of me.
But still. I am quite sick. I really “should” be doing more about that.
But it doesn’t interfere with playing video games and blogging, so deep down I don’t care. I have my addictions well supplied. Anything else is superfluous.
At least, that’s how the diseased part of me sees it. And for now, it still has a majority government. So I do what it says more times than not now.
But its power base is crumbling and one day it will fall and I will be in control of myself for the first time in a very long time and I will finally be able to truly live my life.
At least, that’s the plan.
Who knows, I might die before that can ever happen.
Well, it’s been a really stupid and pointless ride.
More after the break.
The usual bullshit
Whoa, watch out, Big Baby Brain (BBB) is feeling cranky.
Had to order my groceries online again on Sunday. The previous Sunday it had been because I was too sick to go out.
This time, it was because it was too wintry outside for any of us to go out. So instead, we “teledined” with Felicity over Zoom.
Reminds me that I still owe Joe $20 for the McD’s and 2Ls of Diet Coke. Kind of hard to pay him back when I have no cash because I haven’t been near an ATM for ages.
He and I really need to figure out a way to transfer funds directly. If we had that, not only could I skip the ATM, I wouldn’t need to cash my check in person and could finally join the millennium and get direct deposit.
Hell, maybe I could even set it up so the rent went to him automatically once a month.
Anyhow, we “teledined” and did not go out, so once more, I was at the mercy of Sav-On Foods and their oddly unreliable online ordering system.
And as per usual, a bunch of the stuff I ordered did not arrive. Out of stock, or so they say. Funny, I am pretty sure that if I went to the Ironwood Sav-On Foods, I would find the cookies and diet pop I ordered right there on the shelves.
Well, except for the Diet Root Beer. That shit’s basically a myth now.
And I knew they would not have the sugar free Scotch mints, dammit. I ordered them basically as an act of pure hope.
I can only assume that someone fucked that up, though, because I got a bag of Pep O Mint life savers and they are NOT the sugar free kind.
I checked my digital receipt and I def unchecked the “allow substitutions” box when i ordered, so there’s no excuse for them getting it wrong.
More worrisome is the fact that I got NONE of the cookies I ordered. Right now I am coasting on my backup supply of cookies but that will only last another day or so.
I am telling you, I am so sick and tired of not getting what I order that I think I will try ordering everything via Amazon.ca next time.
What the hell, I already pay for Amazon Prime, might as well use it. And somehow I have more faith in Jeff Bezos than in Sav-On right now.
I mean, Bezos might be a nightmare villain from a children’s movie about puppets, but at least Amazon gets shit done.
Of course, with Amazon, I will likely have to deal with some fool who expects me to come down to the front door of the building to get my stuff.
No way, Hose A. You’re paid to deliver my package to me. I am not going to get dressed and haul butt down the elevator and to the front door to make YOUR life easier.
I’m nice but I’m not THAT kind of nice.
Besides, based on my difficulties at the podiatrist’s office today, going down there would likely take a hell of a lot out of me.
Bring my stuff to me, bitch. I’m disabled.
Never try to out-lazy a fat man. Especially a smartass one like me.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.