So to recap :
- Life sucks because
- Everything hurts, and I
- Don’t get to have comfort, stability, safety, health, decency, empathy, sympathy, worth, and least of all ignity
- Waves of depression keep hitting me like tidal surges hitting a retaining wall
- Everyone on me is broken or will be soon
- I sleep so much I feel like I’m living only in the interstitials
- My surgeons are in no hurry to fix my fucking heart
- I am awash in specialists and appointments and it is way more than I can handle and yet there is nobody who can handle it for me
- I constantly want to run away from everything and go hide from life even more than I am doing already, which is pathetic, and
- My violent apathy gets more violent and less apathetic every day and the urge to lash out at this stupid fucking world is growing exponentially.
So ya know. I’ve been better.
Something somewhere has to give. I can’t become yet another incoherently ranting fat dude on the internet spouting garbled wharrrrrrrgarbl in a vain attempt to vent his mad impotent rage on the world which has wronged him.
But I feel it coming on. If I don’t find some productive way to focus and express my anger, I am going to pop like a bottle of champagne in an earthquake and my madness will overwhelm my articulacy and I will end up in the Downtown East Side living on a square of cardboard I call “home base” and screaming and howling at people as they get on and off the bus.
You know, that would be a terrible lifestyle, but might work as a hobby.
Could be very therapeutic.
Been playing Fallout 76 a lot lately. Bought it after repeated reassurances from Maelkoth that despite the game’s hilarious clusterfudge of a launch three years back, it is now a very good game.
Plus it was on sale for like $14. So I thought, what the fudge, and gave it a shot.
And yup. it’s very good. It’s pretty much an expanded version of Fallout 4, the previous game in the series, and my favorite in terms of gameplay in the series.
Fallout New Vegas has a better story, though.
Anyhow, the game rocks and I am glad I bought it. I am enjoying wandering the wastelands of a post-nuclear holocaust Appalachia dispensing white-hot justice with my trusty rifle and mad shootin’ skills.
Although I am beginning to regret my love of being a sharpshooter because I am constantly running out of fucking ammo. That’s why I carry so many guns around, so that I can use whatever ammo I find.
I picture my character having a golf bag full of firearms like I am about to finally get back at those assholes at the country club for mocking my swing.
I honestly wish I had decided to be a melee character instead.
Sure, a sword doesn’t have much range, but it never needs reloading either.
I am in a particularly bad spot because I am out of ammo AND money.
I really need a source for cash jobs that don’t take too long.
More after the break.
A wasteland indeed
Things haven’t gotten any better for me in Fallout 76.
For one thing, audio stopped working. But only in hames. I can hear my mp3s just fine. But nothing else, not YouTube, not games, nudding.
Ah ha. Problem solved. Zoom fucked around with the inputs and outputs and had the audio trying to output to my microphone.
Not gonna happen.
So that’s one fewer crisis at least. I mean sure, I’m still drowning, but at least I clawed my way back to six inches closer to the surface and the light!
Now that’s what I call progress!
Well, lack of regress, anyhow.
Look, I’ll take what I can get.
Speaking of drowning, I am getting very sick of constantly having a runny nose and an itchy palate. It’s been more than a week since I committed the mortal sin of cleaning and hence kicking up dust and you would think I would be over it by now.
Honestly, I think the real problem might be that I am building up resistance to my Reactine. I have read that sometimes switching to a different antihistamine with a different active ingredient can greatly improve results.
And I am sure as fuck not happy with my current results. Only the fact that I know that things would be much, much worse without the Reactine that keeps me taking the damned things at all.
Eventually, I will have all the illnesses. I will be sick in every single way it is possible for a human being to be sick.
My continued survival will be hailed as a medical miracle.
But the kind that suggests you recently made an old Gypsy lady very. very angry.
Either that, or you received a boon from one of those Greek gods that doesn’t think things through too well.
Inspired by your great valor and peerless virtue, Apollo grants you the gift of immortality.
“Oh, so I will never get old and die?” you ask.
“Yes, my child. ” said Apollo wisely. “You will never die. “
“Right…. ” you doggedly reply, “… but about the growing old part… ”
But he was already gone.
And that’s how you became the most health conscious immoral ever.
Back to Fallout 76, I am currently a victim of my own stubbornness.
There’s a quest item I want to get but it’s being guarded by way too many Super Mutant, who are big and tough and very hard to kill.
I am in no way ready to fight them. I have too little ammo, my weapons do not pack enough of a punch to hurt these guys much, and my skills aren’t up to the task.
Were I sensible, I would go do other stuff until I am strong enough to fight these fuckers.
But I am not sensible, so I keep trying to beat them and getting my ass killed.
And the thing is, I usually manage to kill one or two before I die, so eventually this will work. I will have just died dozens of times in the process.
So…… that’s what is going to happen. Me dying. A lot.
Oh well, at least I have a laser sniper rifle now.
Too bad all my enemies wear SHINY METAL HELMETS.
Still pondering starting over as a post-apocalyptic barbarian.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.