There is just too much good stuff on Facebook today. I have 16 tabs open and I am not caught up on Facebook.

I swear, sometimes following my Facebook feels like a full time job.

Anyhow, here is today’s royal vlogness.

I am pretty happy with this one. For starters, I feel like I really poured my personality into it, which was one of my goals in starting this whole video blogging thing in the first place. I just forgot that when I started playing around with video editing again.

But originally, part of my rationale for going video was that while my writing is good (ish), it does not use the other assets I have, like a warm and lovable personality. So in going the video blogging route, I hoped to put that personality of mine to good use.

Time to let this little of mine shine. It’s been under that damned bushel for too long.

But in addition to the personality thing, I also added some pictures to this one in order to make it less just me talking and more something with a little visual variety about it.

Pictures, text… even a very brief video clip. I am getting all multimedia up in this shiznit.

Like I said yesterday, eventually, I want to produce high quality high density high focus material like the super popular YouTubers (like a couch potato, but more 2.0), but I am not going to get there overnight. I have a lot of growing to do before I can focus like that.

I mean geez, my vlogs are ten minutes long. That’s never gonna make it. The super tasty stuff is three minutes or less. That is the stuff that goes down like popcorn.

But I have so much trouble picking one thing to talk about and staying focused on it. I will have to learn to think in smaller, denser units.

I have other things to share, of course. Like this freaky story of a woman’s skeletonized body found in her hoarder husband’s home after he died.

When they found the body, this woman had been missing for nearly 30 years. That means that her now dead husband killed her and hid her body behind a false wall, and lived there with her corpse for almost thirty years, until the day he died of natural causes.

Usually, if you find corpses in a hoarder house, it’s either dead cats or the hoarder themselves. This is, as far as I know, the first time it had been somebody else.

I would say this was just screaming to be the basis of an episode of Bones, but they already did their “hoarder” episode, so this would be going back to the well for them.

But hey, producers of crime shows that have not done a “hoarder” episode… get on this! It is a totally macabre twist that nobody has done yet.

I guess the old guy just wanted to make sure she would never leave him again.

Then there’s this killer PSA from Australia.

Kapow! Straight down the line. That is such a good PSA slam, such a perfect way to get behind people’s defenses with your truth bomb, that it feels like something I could have written myself.

This kind of PSA has much of the structure of satire with, of course, an entirely different intent. Satire highlights and exaggerates absurdities and hypocrisies in order to teach with laughter.

The classic killer PSA instead uses the same kind of sophisticated understanding of things (there is a reason satire skews highbrow) and deep understanding of message to misdirect you into making an assumption and then challenging it.

The classic example that was just devastatingly effective the first time it was used is the car safety PSA where a perfectly normal scene in a car is suddenly and horrifying interrupted by a massive car crash.

That works. It illustrates how tragedy comes out of nowhere and can happen to anyone, anywhere, so you have to play it safe.

Of course, after the first few, you could see it coming because no other commercials start with perfectly normal people driving in a car and apparently being tapes on an eighties camcorder which is apparently hovering a foot outside the backseat window.

But still, massively effective at first, and sometimes it takes a big shock to the system like that in order to wake people out of their semi-sedated states and get their attention.

Way to sharpen your point into a dagger, folks!

Finally, we have today’s King of Badasses, a man who caught a burglar breaking into his home, rushed him, subdued him, hogtied him, then left him on the law for the police to find because he was late for work.

That’s not just badass. That’s Clint Fucking Eastwood badass. Nobody else has that combination of toughness and sangfroid. Even other legendary badasses that I love like Tommy Lee Jones or Rip Torn could only hope to be that badass.

If they had done it (in a movie, obviously) they probably would have made some kind of speech about it. Not our Eastwood of the day, the man called Houston. He didn’t have the time.

Can’t you just imagine Eastwood getting up from where he hogtied the guy, brushing a little dirt off his knee, straightening his tie, and saying “Now if you’ll excuse me…. I’m late for work. ”

And he wouldn’t even mention it at work unless someone asked him why he was late. And even then, all he would say was “Problems at home. ”

(and this is Eastwood in his prime, of course, way before he ever talked to a chair. )

Finally, see what LeVar Burton… LeVar Fucking Burton… feels he has to do to be safe in America.

LeVar Burton. Kunta Kinte. Geordi LaForge. Host of Reading Rainbow. Has to act like someone trapped in a room with a dangerous and violent lunatic in order to not get shot by the cops.

Because to a black man in America, every cop is a violent, unstable, and dangerous lunatic.

Un fucking believable.

Well OK, not really.

It’s an in-joke.

But I do have some video type content to share with you today as well as the usual odds and ends.

Like this. Now I am not normally all that into birds. I have nothing against them and they have as much right to live and thrive as any other creature on Earth.

And I absolutely love the incredible colors on some of them.

But I have never found them particularly cute or appealing as pets, but this video of an owl might just change that forever.

Tiny. Little. Hoots.

That is the cutest damned thing since tiny squeaky kitten meows!

I have seen other videos with that particularly species of owl, with its fetching huge eyes and reassuringly diminutive size, but I had never heard its tiny hoots before and well, that just makes it all the cuter, doesn’t it?

Also in the realm of cute animals, check out this BBC web page that shows the secret lives of cats.

They attached tiny video cameras and GPS units to the collars of ten cats, all in the same area, and the website has links to some of the footage.

And for a cat lover like me, they make for fascinating viewing. Every cat lover who has ever let their cat out to go prowl on their own has wondered what, exactly, their kitties get up to out there.

And now we can know. It’s fascinating from both a cat lover’s and a scientific points of view, because it is rare that we can capture such a rich behavioural data set for any animal. Usually, we are limited to field observations by human beings, or at best, what the animal happens to get up to when a camera happens to be around.

But with these tiny cameras and GPS units, we can track every moment of an animal’s day and find out just what they do and where they go when there are no humans around.

And I love that. I have been trying to figure out just what is going on inside the fuzzy little heads of cats ever since I was a little boy in a cat-filled household.

What I really want to know is exactly what is going on when cats are in their “calculating” mode. You see this when they are getting ready to make a big jump and they just stare at their destination, sometimes for as much as ten seconds, before finally making the leap.

Or when they encounter a novel situation they don’t know how to handle. They will just blank out, their tail waving back and forth like a metronome, until they decide what to do.

I am interested in this question because we normally oversimplify animal behaviour as being driven by “instinct”, as though that was any kind of of an explanation.

Everything we human beings do is driven by some instinct or another, whether it’s putting human beings on the Moon or scratching our butts. But we wouldn’t consider that a sufficient explanation.

And when you look at your cat and see them clearly figuring something out in a very human way, but without the capacity for the sort of formal abstract reasoning that we derive from our capacity for language and our powerful frontal lobes, you really have to wonder just what the cat is thinking.

Do they see various versions of the jump in their mind? Do they stare at their target and use some specialized part of their brain to encode what they see into a set of control variables for their formidable muscular system? So much tension built in this muscle, so much in that, adjust for distance, that sort of thing?

Don’t laugh, we human beings have the same sort of hardware in our own minds. That’s why we are so agile and adaptable. We have Newtonian machinery in our brains that let us do things like climb trees, turn at sharp angles while running at high speeds, learn to use tools, and all the other things we do.

The only thing I have seen that is anything like a cat’s “think” mode is when a professional marksman or archer is settling in to take a shot. You can see the same tiny adjustments of muscular tension based on eyesight right before they shoot.

Oh right. Today’s vid by yours truly. Here it is :

First, let me apologize for yesterday’s lack of numbers on the entries. I got so into making the white flash plus bloop noise effect that I totally forgot the numbering.

And you will notice that there is no such white flash business on today’s vid (but the numbers are back). I decided that the white flashes don’t really add anything to the experience, and despite being lightning fast, they slow down the comedy somewhat, so I think I will forgo them for now.

But I am growing discontent with the current scheme. I feel the need to innovate further. Today’s vid was a lot like the last two, and the whole point of this exercise is to learn how to make really awesome video for the Net and maybe build up a fanbase, so there is no room for complacency.

I am still considering the hats and props idea. I have a bunch of stuff just sitting in my closet, waiting to be used in something. I could put a little more showmanship into it.

But I dunno. That feels kind of stagy and lame to me somehow. Very “trying too hard”.

So maybe the secret is to go beyond the lists and try to think of something a little more substantive that is still fresh and funny and Internet friendly.

I suppose I could try to do a fake newscast a la The Daily Show. I have a knack for satire and it would be slightly classier than me just doing list comedy in my sweatpants.

I would need at least a jacket and tie, tho…. hmmm.

Stay tuned, folks! Who knows what I will come up with next?

Once more, I have a cavalcade of video goodness to offer you today, culminating in today’s vid from moi.

I’m telling you, these videos just take longer to make each time. Video is hard work, yo!

But each one is just a little better than the last. We will see how they look when I have done 60.

On with the show. Our first vid is this amazing TED talk by the Queen Of All Gamer Chicks, Jane Mcgonigal.

Isn’t she cool? Her work in the field of expanding the ways in which gaming interacts with real life is absolutely amazing, and there is a lot of good advice backed by good science in there.

But what I want to talk about is her incredibly brutal story. To be in a horrific accident is one thing. But to be told you can’t think for three months… I would have killed myself. Or at the very least, I would have gone to the doctor and said “Listen. Either you put me in a medically induced coma for three months, or I am going to go walk directly into traffic. ”

In fact, when I was watching that and how she talked about her despair, I realized that it is possible that all mammals have an instinct to respond to long-term intractable pain with suicide.

Like an animal that crawls away to die when it gets too old, we have an instinct to go away and die when we just cannot endure the pain any longer.

It’s a very depressing thought, and I am not recommending suicide to anyone. But it would explain how such a seemingly unnatural and counter-evolutionary practice as suicide is even possible in human beings.

I know that my own pain from depression has brought me face to face with this instinct many times in the past. Perhaps it is related to our desire for freedom. We want to GET OUT.

Next up, we have another Ellen clip of Ellen being the awesome Ellen that she is.

I believe it has been scientifically proven that Ellen Degeneres is composed entirely of awesomeness. She is awesome on a subatomic level. You look at the atoms of her body and they are all cute little blonde atoms dancing to soul music.

I had no idea that her girlfriend was killed when she was just 19 years old. (What is it with me and finding women with extraordinarily tragic yet inspiring biographies lately?).

I can’t even begin to imagine what it would be like to lose your lover and not be able to tell anyone exactly why you are so upset. They think that, at most, you lost a close friend, and it was so much more than that. I think she must have been very strong to make it through that and keep on trying things until she found the right path for herself.

It really makes me realize just how limiting being afraid to try things can be. You might have to try a dozen or two things before you find what fits you best.

But you will never find that perfect fit if you are afraid to even try.

Next up, an Australian general lays the almighty smack down about how women are treating in the military.

Pretty damned good, especially for someone who is not a professional public communicator. With a little punching up, I could see that being a great speech for Tommy Lee Jones or Samuel L. Jackson to deliver.

Just imagine TLJ saying “If you think that I just might be talking about your and your friends, soldier, then you have exactly three options : get right, get out, or get busted. There is no fourth option.”

Man, that would be awesome. Almost makes me want to write a movie on the subject just so I can write that speech for it.

Oh what the hell, it isn’t video, but I will include this too.

Warning, it is quite naughty in a way that is not immediately obvious to the casual viewer.

It is the results of a woman trying to use a penis shaped cake pan in non-penis ways.

It is a hilarious confection of creativity, carbs, and completely immature humour. I suggest you share it with the hip ladies in your life, they are bound to find it hilarious to the extreme.

My favorite is definitely the elephant.

Anyhow, now, for my own vid, which is the result of around four hours of creative labour, believe it or not. Not that you can tell.

I think the next step may be trying to bring in a little wardrobe to the process in order to make each list entry a little more distinct.

At the very least, I should put a freaking shirt on. I look naked. I’m not, I swear!

It’s just that big sweaty fat guys don’t wear shirts in the middle of the day in the summer if we can possibly get away with it.

We need all the exposed surface area radiating heat that we can get.

Doubt I will get into makeup, though, at least until my scripts because a lot more elaborate. I have worn makeup a half dozen times or so for stage productions and I hated it every time.

All that goop on your skin making it sticky and oily, which are two sensations I loathe, and you are not allowed to do anything about it because you will mess up your makeup.

So having something annoying my skin and then telling me I dare not touch said skin is like a form of torture to me. I would need a pretty strong incentive to go there again.

Like loads of money, for instance.

Oh, and just a reminder : if you like what you see in my videos, please click the big thumbs-up Like button on it on YouTube, and share it with all your friends.

That would be the best kind of applause that a writer/performer like me could get.

See you tomorrow, folks!

Wow, two posts in one day! Can our Universe survive?

See, there was no room for today’s vid in the FSW, so I had to do an extra post just for it.

And while I am at it, I will share a couple more vids.

Like this one, which sheds a lot of light on what it is like to be black in America.

And have white friends.

As God as my witness, I thought black people ate bagels.

I have seen a few clips from that show Totally Biased, and it looks pretty good.

Next up, a funny take on the NSA scandal.

The concept is not all that original, but the execution is good.

Lucky I am a Canadian and don’t have to worry about all that, tho.

And finally, to go with all this comedy, my vid for today.

I am happy with how it turned out. My delivery was not flawless, but because I spent the first half of day asleep and/or sick (don’t worry, fine now), I didn’t have time to do re-shoots.

I even had to leave in a stammer or two. Just pretend I’m Max Hedroom.

Good golly but I have had a rough fucking evening.

Oh, don’t worry, it’s not the kind of rough evening that involves the cops, en ambulance, and the hospital. Just a lot of wear and tear on this ol’ nerves of mine.

See, I spent the evening trying to get my webcam working, or rather, trying to get it working with any of the damned software I have.

Why is nothing ever simple or easy? Why is it that the simplest things always end up turning into one of these long nighmarish slogs through complication after complication until by the time you actually get the thing done, you almost don’t even care any more and it’s only been sheer bloodyminded determination that got you this far?

Why don’t things ever just fucking work?

But enough ranting. My original plan, before endless technical snafus robbed me not only of my momentum but my sense of humour, was to share a view videos with you tonight, ending with a little something from me via my (fucking) webcam.

Maybe it was a bad idea to buy some no-name Chinese webcam on eBay, But it was only $5.30! And the shipping was free!

Anyhoo, on with the video cavalcade.

First off, a Scottish (parody) ad for Apple, iPhone, and Siri.

Warning, this is loaded with highly ornate and well formed Scottish swearing.

Now that’s funny. And not just “ha ha, everything is funny in a Scottish accent, fuck you Mike Myers” kind of way. Genuinely funny.

It makes fun of the Scottish accent as well as the Scottish temperament (the Scots are not a calm people) as well as the limits of technology and the perils of idiomatic language.

And speaking of idiomatic language, I found this clip informative as well as amusing. I finally know what the hell a Jammy Dodger is (it’s just a jam sandwich… how dull!) and what the heck what I always hear as “chip buddy” (a sandwich with nothing but butter and French Fries inside… that’s not just dull, it’s disgusting as well. Throw an onion in there at least!)

But then again, I am far more French than I am Scottish, so perhaps that’s my blood showing.

I mean, those people eat haggis for crying out loud. And deep-friend Mars bars. Their entire cuisine is made of salt and cholesterol. Add in the fiery Scottish temperament, and it’s like the whole country is a machine to produce heart attacks.

No wonder so many amazing doctors come from Scotland. They have to be good to deal with the inevitable effects of what they call “cuisine”.

And I might be wrong, but is our fowl-mouthed Scrooge McDuck sounding fellow wearing a “dog collar”? Because if so, I assume that means he’s a vicar and that just makes the whole thing that much funnier.

A video like that makes me grateful that I am a relatively relaxed sort of fellow.

Type-A people might get more done in a day, but… at what cost?

Staying in the UK but going back a long long time, we have this amazing testament to the art of video restoration in the service of posterity.

That… is honest to goodness Edwardian London, England (and some bits of Cork, Ireland) from the year 1900. That there is the closest to time travel any of us are likely to get.

And everything is so different, and yet…. not, at the same time. We can certainly recognize the throngs of people going about their busy urban lives, the vehicles carrying goods and people to and fro, and the bustle of daily commerce.

But what strikes me about it is how calm everyone is about having horses go by within inches of them. Of course, for them, that’s the most normal thing in the universe.

But being a city boy of the modern era, I can’t help but think that if I really was there, I would be going “Holy crap, horses!” every ten seconds or so.

Another thing that it hard to keep in mind is that these people are not in costume. This is not a “period piece”, this is the actual period. For them, the clothes they are wearing are just as casual and normal as the clothes I wear every day are to me.

But the worst thing would be the smell. It must be catastrophically horrible. Despite my urban proclivities, I am pretty sure that were I forced to live in that era, I would flee the urban centers like my tail was on fire and go someplace nice and fresh like a tiny Swiss village up a mountain or something.

Finally, the little thing from me I will share with you.

Yup, you heard me right. In addition to my usual blogging duties, I will also be making at least sixty seconds of brand new video content every single day for the next sixty days.

I cannot guarantee that this will never interfere with the blogging, however. It is entirely possible that I will get so wrapped up in “vlogging” (what a horrible word) that I use up all my energy and thus have nothing left for the production of text.

But I will do my utmost to avoid it. After all, I spend hours every day playing video games. Surely I can shave another hour or two off my precious video game time to make something that actually adds value to the world for a change.

So while it took a mighty struggle to get everything working, hopefully it will just keep working now, and I will be able to throw together some bit of video silliness every day.

Who knows, maybe this will actually make me more productive. It does feel good to get back into video editing again. I am quite rusty, but all the machinery is still there. Video editing is a very interesting art. I look forward to messing around with it again.

Anyhow, until tomorrow, that’s all from me. See you at the Sixty Sixty!