(Editor’s Note : The site came back WAY before the guy said, like I predicted, and that’s why I was able to post the results here, as written. )
My site is down, so I am blogging into a Libre Office document tonight, and that’s depressing to me.
It’s all because of that thing I mentioned before, where I failed to update my credit card info in a lot of places, continuing to haunt me.
And that all stems back to my apparently entirely fraudulent belief that I had updated my credit card info on PayPal, and that all my bills went through PayPal, so I was covered.
Neither of those things are true, as it turns out. And I am still paying for it. Had to pay an extra $15 US to set in motion the return of my blog.
For some reason, that process will take between 24 and 48 hours. I call bullshit on that. Sorry, Nazeem my live chat customer service guy, but it does not take that long for the change to propagate through the DNS servers of the world.
I suspect that, on some level, my web host is holding out for more money. Like this is the sort of thing that is supposed to get my to pay for a more expensive package, or something.
Well I got news for you. I might ditch the whole privately hosted blog thing instead.
I think that, while having my own blog on my own server has its advantages and while it soothes my obsessive need for control, I think that for the most part, it’s put me at a huge disadvantage and cost me greatly because that’s just not how things work any more.
Everything is interconnected now, and if I want there to be any sort of chance that someone might stumble across my words and become a fan, I have to move the whole damned thing to a public blog host like Tumblr.
So as loath as I am to have my precious words end up in the hands of a freaking corporation, it’s a nove I need to make.
Been thinking a lot about my ambitions lately. I swsear I used to have some. But they retreated back into their default “maybe someday but probably never” position due to the new Ice Age of my latest bout of depression came crashing in.
I still have them, but I don’t do a damned thing to pursue them, and that shit’s got to stop. I have to either decide that I am perfectly happy rotting away in this tiny pocket universe of mine till the day I die, never growing up, never making a mark on the world, and never being noticed or taken seriously, or I decide that I am going to start striving again.
But striving is hard, though, and spending all day playing Skyrim is so much easier.
I don’t know. I know I am growing increasingly discontent with this sad Skyrim lifestyle of mine. So I am trying to cut back.
But like any addiction, it fights back hard and plays dirty. So right now, it’s a pitched battle between the addiction and the fact that I know that I am happier doing something like this, writing on my blog, than I am when I am playing Skyrim.
But Skyrim is so much safer. When I am playing, I forget everything else. I am busy, I am occupied, I am pumping out my energies, and I am content. Time flies by. It’s a lot of fun.
It’s hard to say no to that. Who explores the world when they have Heaven in their back yard?
<——–pause for sudden nap attack——>
I’m even part way through figuring out how to get the sexy stuff working in Special Edition.
As you know, my sexuality and my libido have been surging as of late. Perhaps it’s that portion of my teen years finally showing up that is doing it.
But I get real horny now. And it’s kind of stressful but rather fun because it goas me into exploring various aspects of my sexuality – my real one, that is, not the virtual one I use when I am being Fruvous that I have explored to death.
The real thing is always better anyhow. Or so I have heard.
And at this phjase of my life, it would be really great to go back to what I had in the original Skyrim, namely a vast amount of sexual options at my hot sweaty fingertips.
I explored the fuck (ha) out of them when I first discovered the world of Skyrim mods. That was what triggered my slide into total addiction, in fact. I would stay awake and neglect all my bodily needs in favour of working like hell to get this and that working.
It was glorious and horrifying.
But over the months, the thrill of it all went away and I got far more into actually playing the game and the sexytimes stuff faded into the background.
Then I got Special Edition. And I learned the facts of life about it, namely that only a small percentage of all the fun stuff I had in the old game had been updated to work with the new version.
But there was still lots of good stuff, so I was not too worried.
Eventually, though, I wanted the sexy stuff back. IT made things so much more fun. The ability to go from killing monsters and collecting loot to some good old fashioned fucking whenever I liked, purely on a whim, was thrilling.
So I sought out the updated version. And it was… sort of there.
Right now, when I initiate sexytimes fun, everyone involved just stands there while the sexy sounds play. And that’s no fun.
And I know what the problem is – something called ‘beaviour files’ are not being generated – but I have no idea how to fix it.
It makes me consider going back to the original game. Sure, the graphics were more primitive, but there was so much cool stuff out there for it.
Right now, all that is keeping me from doing it is sheer stubbornness. I made up my mind ot make the move to Special Edition, damn it, and to go back to the old one would be to admit defeat.
So for now, I struggle to get the frigging thing to work.
But who knows. I might cave in one day and go back.
Or I might even find something better to do with my life.
But don’t count on it.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.