Convalesces! Wow, I spelled it right the first time. Gold star!

Anyhow, the convalescing in question refers both to spirit and body.

The spirit you know about : recovering from being workshopped. I think I am coming along quite well on that front. I am reminding myself that my main strength is writing very funny dialogue, and so if I missed some stuff in the plot, no big deal.

Nobody watches a sitcom for the plot anyhow.

And I know damned well that if I can make myself take in all or most of the good feedback I got on Monday, I will be able to make my story much stronger during the outline stage.

But that’s still very hard for me. My process is so deeply internal that it is very hard for me to open it up and make changes. I am not the sort of writer that takes input easily, or rather, I take it easily but then totally disregard it.

And there is virtually no form of writing save self-publishing where you will not, at some point, have to take in feedback and make changes.

Even the lonely novelist in his garret, typing his heart and soul into the pages and tearing himself apart with his insatiable drive for perfection as he does rewrite after rewrite, eventually has to submit his work to a publisher, who will then assign an editor, who will tell the lonely novelist what changes to make.

I am fairly certain that in that case, I would not have a problem making the changes required of me. After all, it’s just part of the job. Same if I was a writer on a TV show. Boss says to change X Y and Z? Sure thing!

But at school, the whole idea is for me to learn, and that means changing how I think and create, and that involves some intimate tinkering with story engine about which I am quite hesitant and squeamish.

It really does feel like I am poking around in my guts sometimes.

I suppose that’s the downside to both coming at this as an older person and coming at this as someone who had a lot of practice writing before coming to school : in both cases, it resulted in a lack of flexibility in my methodology and difficulty in adapting input into my creativity, at least on a conscious level.

On a subconscious level, I am sure that I have become a much better writer for my schooling. Everything is so much clearer and more purposeful and I have a better perception of what a story is and what it should be than ever before.

So if all my blogging was like working out at the gym, my education at VFS has been like training with a coach.

But I still want more. When it comes to writing, my ambition knows no limit. I am going to write the best stuff around or die trying. I hope to write for TV shows for long enough to make a really good impression with my skill, then move on to being head writer somewhere, and eventually to creating and producing shows of my own.

Like Dan Harmon.

One stereotypically slapdash no-effort meal later…

The other side of the coin of my health issues is that I have been having trouble with my IBS lately. Saturday afternoon was more terrible than usual and I was having identical troubles in class today.

I don’t need a third point to decide that that’s a trend.

And it didn’t take me long to figure out why I was getting bound up then having to defecate A LOT, which is never a good thing when you have IBS. It’s because I have been neglecting my water intake lately.

So I am choosing to view this interlude as an educational and experimental one. The question was, do I really need to drink as much water as I usually do?

And the answer was “yes!“.

Good to know that I have been doing the right thing by drinking lots of water like I do. It helps to touch base with the reasons why you do things sometimes.

Clogged the toilet at school today.

When elimination does not occur when it should, the matter in question can achieve a certain density that is the bane of most toilets due to internal compression.

Luckily, most people never have to learn this, assuming they have healthy diets and aren’t wired in a way that their emotions go right to their guts.

I mean, people talk about eating their emotions, but with me, it’s vice versa. And likewise.

I swear to God, that makes sense.

Otherwise, it’s been an uneventful day. Had a meeting with my film group. Still not too happy with the lack of a sense of urgency or importance to the whole thing. I am, by nature, a worrier, and I solve that worry with planning and forethought. My continuous assumption is that the world is full of little details looking to trip you up because you did not anticipate them, and the only solution is to try to anticipate everything.

This causes a certain degree of stress, but it’s also one of my more “winner” attributes because it’s people like me who rule the world. Kinda. At the very least, it’s a very good set of attributes to have if you want to succeed in life, because while others fall into pitfall after pitfall, you are nimbly dodging them and taking advantage of the competition’s lack of foresight and planning.

It does wonders for you in business, I am sure. It’s this sort of neurotic need to make variables into constants through contingency planning that turns an average person into a system (or empire) builder.

It can even make a slow responder like me seem like a swift, decisive leader who can make important decisions with confidence and without hesitation.

But only if we’ve thought it out beforehand.

Let’s keep that our little secret, shall we?

I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.