Somewhere in the world, there’s a better place for me
A place where I can spread my wings, leap skyward, and be free
Climb high to where I’m meant to shine for all the world to see
And do a dance of joy and love – ceremonially
Somewhere in the world, there is a place where things are good
A place where life unfolds exactly as it should
A place where I can grow and change in a way I never could
Before I found this piece of ground – my native neighborhood
Somewhere in the world, there is my proper habitat
A place where I can thrive and grow and never worry that
I’ll end up lonely and alone again, starving, cold, and sad
Where I was lost and typhoon toss’d back when things were bad
Somewhere in the world, there is my place in the sun
Where I’ll be healthy, strong, and good, and smile at everyone
Where I can finally relax, find safety, and have fun
And sleep in blessed peace and calm when the day is done
Somewhere in the world, there is a place that’s pure and right
Where every day is sunny, and the moon shines every night
Where the sun bids you good morning, and the stars kiss you goodnight
And everybody gets along, and no one ever fights
I should let my happy thoughts out more often. That was lovely.
Unfortunately, writing it used up all my brain calories and now I gotta sleep.
Coming soon : an ending??
Lil bit worried
Bit worried that I am coming down with something. Just had a mild coughing fit and I have felt strangely tired all day.
Plus I got that scratchy throat thing going on.
So I guess my “maybe a cold?” is back again. Call it MACS for “Maybe A Cold Syndrome”. If the pattern holds, I will feel like this for a couple of days then it will vanish as mysteriously as it arrived.
My current theory is that it’s an infection that my compromised immune system can just barely handle and only after a protracted battle, and cannot quite totally defeat.
Probably should do something about that, but my inner traitor won’t let me. I feel like my own mind is holding me hostage and torturing me and will not relent until I am dead or permanently hospitalized or otherwise punished “enough”.
Assuming there IS such a thing as “enough”.
It’s up to me to save myself from myself. I don’t really want to die. I don’t want to end up in the hospital full of tubes. I don’t want to have even the fairly minimal amount of dignity and happiness I have now taken away from me.
I don’t want the darkness to eat me. Please don’t let the darkness eat me. I promise I will be a good boy.
Ah, who am I kidding? I’ll probably just keep fucking around till I die.
It’s possible to be too crazy to live.
I’m living proof of it.
But not for long.
More after the break.
A chat with the Devil
(A small but well appointed room in a medieval castle. A heavyset man, the MAGUS, sits behind a desk heavily inlaid with mystical runes and figures. A dragon the size of a large housecat patrols the room. As the scene opens, the MAGUS is deep in dark, brooding thought, occasionally interrupted by his stopping to pet the dragon.
Suddenly the dragon pauses its patrol and glares sharply at the door, and growls softly.)
Magus : Easy, Clopidigrel.
(The door bursts open and a PALACE GUARD dumps ATOMA, tightly chained up and gagged, on to the floor of the chamber. )
Guard : This is the one we’ve been seeking, Magus. The saboteur.
(The Magus nods to the Palace Guard. )
Magus : Remove the gag, please.
Palace Guard (alarmed) : But Magus! He is a very powerful wizard! He could be….
(The Guard trails off when he realizes who he’s talking to.)
Magus (kindly but firmly) : …a threat? To ME? Is that what you were going to say?
(The Guard, red-faced, only nods as he removes the gag. Atoma glares at the Magus, shooting daggers of pure unbridled hate at him. )
(The Magus rises and moves to stand over Atoma, smiling down at him in a predatory but not entirely unkind way. )
Magus : So, you’re the one that’s been causing me all this trouble, eh? Sabotaging the works of this castle. Releasing termites in the undercroft. Poisoning the wells. Scaring my servants with your tricks and illusions. Preventing them from making repairs. It’s your fault this place is always on the verge of falling apart. To what end, eh?
Atoma : To hurt you, obviously, you fucking pig. To make you suffer. To make you pay for all you have done. To crippled you. To hobble you. And eventually, to kill you. But it doesn’t matter if you live or die. All that matters is that you FALL.
(The Magus chuckles, amused and a little taken aback.)
Magus : Oh, is that all? Sure you don’t want to stomp on my daisies while you’re at it? Now what could I have done to warrant such retribution?
Atoma : DONE? DONE? Oh, it has nothing to do with anything you’ve DONE. Because you don’t actually DO anything, do you? You just sit here in your castle and write long scrolls only a few scholars will ever read and contemplate your cavernous navel while all around you things are falling apart!
Magus : Isn’t that your fault?
Atoma : What? No, not here in the castle, you ball of dung, in your kingdom! Everywhere there is chaos and disarray. The population is restless and without hope. The fields produce barely enough food to feed them. Our neighbors mock and pity us. Hopelessness and helplessness rule everywhere. And every day, things get worse.
Magus : And this is all my fault, is it?
Atoma : YES! Who else? Here you are with power to rival the gods themselves and your people live in wretched poverty simply because you refuse to act. What, did you think doing nothing meant you were doing nothing wrong?
(The Magus shakes his head. )
Magus : Oh no. Never that. I am fully aware that I have failed this kingdom miserably and that my people suffer do to my inability to act.
Atoma : Then for the gods’ sake, why don’t you DO something?
Magus : Because it’s not that simple. It’s not that easy. It never is.
Atoma : That makes no sense. You are a MAGUS. You have the power to destroy entire armies at your fingertips. How hard could it be to just fix things around here?
Magus : Oh, not hard at all. Barely an eyeblink. But… what things? When? How? Which ones first? I cannot decide. So I just… abide.
Atoma : Are you seriously telling me that peasants are resorting to eating the chaff from their fields just because you can’t make up your bloody mind?
Magus : Yes. No. It’s hard to say.
Atoma : You stupid bastard! The whole kingdom is going into the midden and all your can say is “It’s hard to say”? Gods damn it, then abdicate. Let someone else rule.
Magus : That’s not such a bad idea.
Atoma : I’m sorry, what?
Magus : Maybe someone else SHOULD rule. Gods know I have done a terrible job of it. I would love to hand the reins of power over to someone more ambitious and confident. But I can’t see anybody wanting the job.
Atoma : Don’t be so sure. Do you seriously want someone else to rule this kingdom?
Magus : Well, yes, I suppose I am.
Atoma : Then why not me? I have already proven that I am cunning, resourceful, powerful, cunning, and capable of doing a lot with few resources. I know exactly what needs to be done to fix things kingdom of yours. So why not me?
Magus : Oh, I don’t know. How do I know your first act as the new Magus won’t be to have me boiled in my own blood?
Atoma : You don’t. But the alternative is to just keep failing your people until they depose you in a rage, so why not give me a try?
Magus : Well…. okay. Tell you what. I will give you a single duchy to start with, and we will see how you do with that. Fair?
Atoma : Fair? It’s magnificent. Offer accepted.
Magus : Splendid. Now what will you need before you start?
Atoma : Well, first I’ll need to get out of these chains!
(Everybody laughs, the end. )
Well that sucked.
Once more, I start out with a clear intention and end up going in a completely different direction and am bewildered when I end up somewhere totally different.
My original tension was to use the device of the Magus and the Saboteur to enable me to explore my Traitor Within and ask it important questions but instead I wrote that generic lump o’ crap up there.
Maybe I will try again some time, this time with NO worldbuilding at all.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.