I am definitely feeling rather off right now.
At least I headed off the worst of it. About an hour ago, I started feeling increasingly bed. Headache, nausea, muscles aching.
It was bad enough that thought of the ER or UC danced before my eyes.
They did the foxtrot, of course.
But I took the appropriate measures. I got some hydration and some nutrition into me, then I lay down in bed with the fan on and pointed at my fevered brow, and proceeded to unclog my ears and nose.
That did the trick and I was soon feeling a lot better.
Pretty sure my blood sugar was starting to melt down there but getting some trail mix into me put a stop to that.
Speaking of trail mix, there’s something very weird about my latest bag of it.
It’s President’s Choice’s Almonds, Raisins, Cashews, and Cranberries trail mix. [1] It had been on my DoorDash account as an alternate to my usual trail mix(es) for ages and this week it was, as it were, pressed into active duty.
It sounds like a perfectly straightforward mixture, and for once, I can be completely sure that a previously untried trail mix does not contain any fricking candy.
But when I opened the bag, an odor escaped that did not make me hungry, It was not the smell of almonds, raisins, cashews, or cranberries.
It was the smell of dry dog food.
And I have a personal animosity toward that smell because I grew up four blocks from the Sur-Grain (pronounced “sure grain”) Feed and Fertilizer plant and on very bad days the wind would blow that exact scent into my neighborhood.
And I haaaaaate that smell. It’s like it goes straight to my gag reflex. Just thinking about it makes my throat threaten to close off.
So I was not at all happy that this odor was coming out of a bag of what was meant to be Fruvous Chow.
Luckily, that scent dissipated after a while, and I was able to eat the fucking thing.
And that’s when things got really weird. Because, I shitteth thou not, sometimes when I eat a handful of it, it tastes like fish.
To me, at least. Smells like it too. And like, WTF is up with that?
It seems to be something that all four constituents of the trail mix are coated in to some extent. When I eat them separately, the flavour either is not there or is pretty faint.
But put them all together and somehow, inexplicably, things get fishy.
I assume that it would not taste piscine to anyone else. My taste buds are just as off kilter as the rest of me and sometimes I taste things in a way nobody else does.
Luckily, putting some in a bowl and leaving it exposed to the air for a while cuts through the fishy flavour, so I am able to eat the stuff.
But still, what the exponential fuck? In general, nothing that is not fish should taste like fish, and that makes me what the frick I’ve been eating.
And my bladder has been anxious lately. I get the need to pee more often than usual but each time it’s a much smaller amount than usual. As if my bladder shrank.
And that has me very worried because I have experienced this symptom twice before and both times it was a sign that my prostate was infected.
So you can bet I am checking my urine for traces of blood each time I pee.
And peeing hurts a little right in that area around the spot where the bladder empties into the urethra. And that’s also a sign.
I hope it clears up on its own.
I don’t wanna go to the ER or UC!
More after the break.
On our backs
My back has been bothering me again recently.
It had be behaving itself for a long time. I hadn’t felt the need to take one of my Cyclobenzaprine muscle relaxant pills in months.
But now that spasmodic pain that clutches at my spine and makes me cry out in pain and/or fall onto the bed when I try to stand is back, and that kinda sucks.
The pills do keep it under control, thank God. But I wish I knew what changed both to make it go away and to make it come back.
I want it gone again, hopefully for good.
Otherwise I am feeling okay-ish. Pretty much the same as when I wrote part 1 : not sick in any particular way (except back spasms, grr) but not feeling quite right either.
I’m doing okay emotionally. I have periods where I feel pretty depressed – I am processing a lot of deep changes as I dig myself out of this grave – but I just wait for them to pass and don’t take them too seriously.
It’s all part of my recuperation. Getting better is often a messy and difficult process but I know that as long as I keep trudging along as I unburden myself, I will eventually make my soul light enough to float up into the sky where shiny people like me belong.
Because I deserve so much more than this sad little life of mine. I should at the very minimum be making a comfortable middle class living with my outrageous talents.
Or at least enough to pay someone to come in and clean my bedroom and ensuite. Top to bottom, spic and span, so clean you could perform surgery there.
I’d pay someone $200 for that.
I can’t really do it myself. Not yet. I need to go a lot further down the road of taking responsibility for myself and accessing my true energies before that.
I mean, ya never know. I might suddenly find the ambition to at least clean off my bed so that I can flip the mattress over so the springs don’t impale me so much any more.
And the other side should be a lot cleaner too. Way less sweat absorbed into it.
i wonder if the province would buy me a new (to me) bed if I asked?
After all, I’m not fussy about the color…
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.