Jesus Effing Christ, it’s 4:07 pm and I am only just now having lunch.
It’s just been that kind of day. Sleepy and slow. Seems like I can’t stay out of bed for more than an hour and when I sleep, it’s for maybe an hour and a half tops.
It’s getting on my nerves. I wish I could just stay asleep till I am done like a normal person instead of being woken up by my overactive bladder all the damned time.
I have seriously considered going sans liquid intake for like 12 hours in order to try to achieve that blessed state.
Or at least cut way down.
It’s no mystery why I pee so much. I drink a lot of water and Diet Coke. I’ve always got my Double Gulp cup on the go with one fluid or the other. I am extremely accustomed to taking a few gulps of my drink now and then.
I would even classify it as a rather mild addiction, because the idea of going without it gives me that classic feeling of anxiety and deprivation familiar to all addicts.
So clearly, liquid intake has become deeply integrated into my psyche. It’s a small repeatable pleasure with additional health benefits (being well hydrated) but I might be taking it a little too far.
Then again, when I can bring myself to take one of my (many) sleeping pills, and set off the atom bomb in my head that is my brain catching up on its sleep debt, I can at least stay asleep for like four hours before I have to get up and pee, and that sounds like a normal rate to me.
But it’s such an unpleasant process! I know that if I just stuck with it and took a pill a day no matter what, eventually I would be all caught up and might even be able to sleep in a healthy and balanced way, but getting there is such a bitch.
It’s hard to put into words what it is like when I am in that state. Lack of oxygen is definitely a big part of it. It makes me feel like I have had all the life squeezed out of me. Like I have been pulled through a long series of quarter sized knotholes.
Like I am barely alive. My head hurts, I feel a harsh buzz throughout my body. like tiny buzzsaws are grinding away at every nerve, my head throbs and I am nauseous, an worst of all, I can’t think at all.
I can handle damned near anything as long as I still have my wits. But take those away and I am beyond lost and completely miserable.
So um…yeah. That’s why I don’t do the sensible thing and take my sleeping pills. I have plenty of them and in many varieties but the immediate effect of taking them is so harsh that it leaves me with an animal terror of the things that I can’t override.
As irrational as it can be, when something causes a reaction that powerfully negative, your deep mind says WE SHALL NEVER DO THAT THING AGAIN.
It’s such a deeply emotionally powerful experience, in fact, that I feel compelled to describe it over and over again in this very blog, like a recurring nightmare.
I wonder if this is like those people who have a powerful out of context experience, like a UFO abduction or a holy vision, and end up retelling the story of it for the rest of their lives because it’s the only way to cope with the memory.
I can relate, is what I am saying.
More after the break.
I’ll pokey YOUR okey!
Decided to give in to temptation and order from Pokey Okey tonight.
I deliberately refrained from ordering from them the last two times because I felt like getting my Pokey on was getting to be a habit and I did not want to get stuck in a rut.
I could never be one of those people who gets the exact same thing every time. Not only would that be too repetitive for me, but I have a lifelong compulsion to not be boring that informs a lot of what I do.
Now you know why I am such a fascinating and unique individual.
Well, that and a terrible childhood.
I keep getting my Pokey on because it’s just such a perfect cuisine for me. It has lots of lively flavours, a modular style where you can put stuff in or leave it out (love that), loads of variety, absolutely heaps of nutrition, and a fun silly name.
I assume it sounds more dignified in the original Hawaiian.
Because of its nutritional bounty and lack of heavy carbs or fat, not only is it delicious but it leaves me feeling good afterwards too.
So I keep coming back to it.
Still, when I order in on Friday, I will get something else.
Meanwhile, in my other realm, I continue to have fun playing Inscryption and The Elder Scrolls 4 : Oblivion.
Was a little miffed at Oblivion because after having slogged through seven very boring, ugly, and repetitive Oblivion Gate dungeons in order to complete this one quest, I find out the quest was totally optional, doesn’t matter, and the whole thing was pointless.
Well fuck YOU. I really thought it was a key part of the main plot.
There wasn’t even anyone to congratulate and/or thank me at the end! I actually had to go looking for the guy who gave me the quest and ask him about it directly, and only then did he say “Oh, right, that. Thanks, I guess. ”
I may be paraphrasing there.
But oh well. Still enjoying the game. It’s basically Skyrim, only not as extensive or sophisticated. The world is much smaller and the graphics a touch cruder, but the basic bones are there and it’s still tons of fun to play.
Inscryption is still a ma zing too.
I will talk to you nice people again tomorrow.